Father Of The Year JD Vance Just Trying To Maintain Work-Life Balance
Why is the left making him terrorize his toddler?
That JD Vance! The skiing international laughingstock tried to lie that pro-Ukrainian protesters were chasing his child and frightening her into high anxiety by refusing to leave her alone, like some kind of Josh Hawley. But turns out the interrupt-y douche was actually him, and his kid appears to have been asleep for the entire encounter he provoked.
WAH, THE RULES WERE YOU GUYS WEREN’T GOING TO FACTCHECK!
Kvetched he on Elon Musk’s hellsite:
“Trade a few minutes of conversation,” as if he was Princess Di trying to go skiing with Dodi Fayed, or something! As it turns out, the protestors existing and Vance speaking were the only parts of the story that actually happened, and the rest was from his fertile imagination.
A small group of protesters were at the bottom of Vance’s street in Cincinnati, at the aptly-named intersection of Columbia and Taft. But the Vances’ street was closed off by police, and nobody was “chasing” asshair and his blameless child, or “following” them.
Here is video of a small group of protesters that he could have easily avoided:
And even if you buy Vance’s tale that he just happened to be out casually “walking” his daughter Mirabel — like she’s some kind of a dachshund or something — and stumbled on some scary protesters, by his own account he made the choice to have his daughter approach them. Very shit-parent! Shouldn’t a preschooler be at a measles party on a Saturday anyway? Maybe Vance is jealous that Elon Musk is alpha-dad-vibing by dragging one of his own preschool-age children around everywhere, while Vance gets no rizz, only Photoshopped as a bloated minion on Twitter.
Anyway Vance approached the group — or possibly a different group on the same day, we suppose, but still, he approached them — with a human-shield preschooler, Vance-splaining to them that while Russia “certainly invaded Ukraine in 2023, or 2022,” blah blah repeat of Putin’s framing of events.
“[Russia] is the aggressor every time!” Piped a plucky lady of dazzling moxie.
“Ma’am, I understand that’s your view,” he Comcast-customer-service-represenative’d.
“It’s not ‘our view,’ it’s the truth. It’s a fact.”
SO RUDE! Vance did not like that. “MA’AM, PLEASE MA’AM, MAAAAM I’m speaking with you but I’m trying to be respectful,” he said in his big-boy voice, as if pointing out facts to him was the utter disrespectful-est.
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“I’m speaking with you and I am trying to be respectful, I have condemned the invasion, but I have also condemned the perpetual war.”
“What happened when you called Trump America’s Hitler? What changed?”
“Well, ma’am, now, that’s a different question. I’m happy to talk about how I’ve changed my view of Donald Trump from ten years ago.”
“People are dying.”
“What I told the gentleman earlier, I think it’s in the best interest of our country and frankly in the best interests of the Ukrainians for the war to stop… I think that what we’re doing is we’re actually forcing a diplomatic settlement. Look at my three-year-old daughter now. I told you, I talked to you for five minutes.”
“You signed up for this job,” a protester pointed out. “That’s what you agreed to.”
“I did not agree to have my three-year-old to have people run around and yell at her,” said the guy who wheeled his sleeping three-year-old directly to the protesters while she was strapped into a stroller.
Poor Vance. Won’t these mouthy people just accept that Russia’s victory in a war it’s been managing to lose for three years is inevitable like a force of nature? Anybody who is against simply giving Putin what he wants hates peace and is not diplomatic! If everybody would just appease Putin and give him everything he wants, like Trump is trying to do with every beat of his heart, then Putin will be satisfied and trot off frolicking with Ukraine like a cat toy and leave the rest of the world alone forever. That’s how it works with dictators who have imperialist ambitions, right?
Conservatives being self-proclaimed victims whenever is heard a discouraging word is a long-running narrative, of course. Thousands of January 6-ers smashing windows to break into the Capitol, smearing poop on the walls and driving a Taser into a police officer’s neck, well, that is a peaceful protest, and long-suffering Republicans are practically a pack of Gandhis! But a group voicing disapproval of beer-loving accused sex pest Brett Kavanaugh being elevated to the highest court in the land, or even worse a football player taking a knee, well, that is ATTEMPTED LIBERAL MOB RULE.
Shit neighbor Martha-Ann Alito hanging a vergogna flag in a pathetic attempt to torment gays across from her vacation-house lagooooon or the Virginia neighbor who called her the c-word, that is glorious free speech, God bless America! But protesters having a candlelight vigil outside of Alito’s house, that is HOLY CRAP, the Supreme Court needs more than $2 million per judge for safety! A bartender giving Stephen Miller the finger, or somebody in a bookstore telling Steve Bannon he is trash, why, there oughta be a law! Peaceful Black Lives Matter protestors = teargas time ... etc., etc.
Playing victim worked for Richard Nixon in ‘68, and conservatives are hoping the poor us party of being besieged by angry mobs narrative will keep working, possibly all the way to Pete Hegseth shooting protesters in the kneecaps or elsewhere kicking off a Crusades-themed civil war, if he gets his way.
But their OW Charlie Bit My Fingerrr routine has its limits. Republicans have not been greeted as liberators at their town halls, so they’re simply not having town halls anymore. It’s almost like hearing the loud boos of people who hate them is really getting to them, or something.
Another right-wing father who is going to have kids that grow up and hate him for being the manipulative little shit that he is for using them for props and shields.
“MA’AM, PLEASE MA’AM, MAAAAM I’m speaking with you but I’m trying to be respectful,”
This asshole approaches every conversation like he's being interviewed by a woman on a Sunday morning opinion show. We could have had fucking Tim Walz instead of this Sour Patch Kid infused tofu cube.