Bad news for all the denizens of New York who cherish and adore Sean Hannity, so we guess this post is addressed to one old shithole racist on Staten Island named Carl: Hannity has moved to Florida. Yes, just like fired Fox News host Tucker Carlson before him. (Tucker lives in Florida when he doesn’t have important duties to attend to with his Twitter show, which is filmed in the heart-shaped tub in his lesbian Unabomber she-shed in Maine.)
Hannity made a very big deal of it on both his radio show yesterday and on his TV show last night. You could tell it was breaking news even if the TV was on mute, because the chyron said “BREAKING NEWS” and that “BLUE STATE EXODUS CONTINUES.” We guess Sean Hannity is the Moses of this situation, except he’s leading five half-dead white racists on Rascal scooters to the Golden Corral in Tallahassee.
He explained on the show: “Law and order, better education, more freedom, better quality of life, and guess what, no state income tax.” Of course, the “better education” thing is in question, since Ron DeSantis has spent the last several years aggressively turning Florida’s education system into a re-education system for inferior white conservative Christians dudes.
The other things he mentioned are mostly just code for “This is a place where America’s most fearful, least culturally significant white MAGA conservatives can feel safe, because there are very few repercussions for being an open white supremacist there.”
On the radio show yesterday, oh God, he just babbled:
“If anybody is listening to this program for any length of time, been threatening now to do this for quite a while.”
We’ve heard him whining about this and we don’t even watch.
“But we are now beginning our first broadcast of my new home, and that is in the free state of Florida. I am out. I am done. I’m finished. New York, New York. Goodbye. Florida. Florida. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”
OK.
“And finally, for the first time that I can think of in my adult life, I actually have representatives in in the state that I’m living in that share my values. I have a governor by the name of Ron DeSantis and Senators Marco Rubio and Senator Rick Scott.”
If those are the human men you look up to, what kind of a human man are you?
“So I’m feeling a lot better about it, and I’m not going to go through the whys.”
Glad he isn’t going to just yap and yap and yap and …
“The how comes because it’s obvious this migration out of the blue states with high taxes, burdensome regulation, high crime, horrible school districts is real. And if anything, I’m probably late and behind the curve and and many others have made the move beforehand.”
OK great, well y’all all have fun. Cue the Bugs Bunny gif.
So that’s the big Hannity news. He’s moving to Florida and you can’t stop him.
On the internet, people are asking important questions like “Oh no, aren’t Hannity and Ainsley Earhardt fuckin’? Will they ever be able to bump uglies again if he’s way down there in Florida and she’s still in New York on ‘Fox & Friends’ drooling with the goobers Doocy and Kilmeade?”
People on the internet are idiots. Fox News hosts are ridiculously well paid to lie and propagandize to America’s MAGA mad cow disease population. Hannity and Earhardt can fly back and forth on weekends or whatever.
Also last night, in the space of 19 seconds, Hannity reported that Joe Biden’s cognitive abilities are deteriorating by the week, and also that he is very very corruption, bribery and leader of an international criminal syndicate.
Hope Hannity is able to keep delivering such rigorous analysis while he’s tugging on his littlest MMA fighter in Florida, if that’s what the kids are calling it these days, and we think it is.
[Mediaite]
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THAT is the late Her Serene Highness Princess Mocha, INSISTING on getting in front of my Civ 5 game looking for attention, or kibble, or something.
Also, Fuck Rafael Cruz.
Hannity is full of shit.
The violent crime rate in Florida is about 15% higher than New York, and the overall crime rate is almost 10% higher.
Never let the facts get in the way of popular bullshit.