Here Is Your Morning Happy Video Of Rick Santorum Saying Abortion Is A VERY SEXY THING

Also Rick says 'Pure democracies are not the way to run a country,' CHUCKLE CHUCKLE!

Evan Hurst

Nov 8, 2023

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Any way you slice it, last night was an absolutely epic night for America, for Democrats, and for God’s holy practice of abortion.

Ohio voted to turn itself into a liberal utopian hellhole, adding abortion to its constitution and also voting to pot itself up on weed.

Kentucky re-elected extremely popular Democratic Governor Andy Beshear, fending off a challenge from this extremely piece of shit dude named Daniel Cameron.

And in Virginia, GOP Gov. Glenn Youngkin was hoping so hard Republicans would keep the House of Delegates and retake the Senate, so he could have a trifecta and ban abortion. Instead Virginia told him to eat one million bags of dicks, and did the exact opposite. The entire Legislature will now be under Democratic control.

And more!

Wonkette will have more coverage of all these things today, but the shortest version is that America told the Republican Party to get fucked last night, hard. And you know why? Because Americans hate Republicans. Because they’re lunatics. Because they’re trying to destroy democracy. Because they’re creepy and weird and gross and extremely off-putting and you wouldn’t leave your children or your pets alone with them.

Fox News shifted away from abortion coverage pretty quickly last night, but Aaron Rupar was monitoring Newsmax, and oh boy, Rick Santorum really captured the current sad, rejected loser state of the Republican Party. (Speaking of creepy and weird and gross and extremely off-putting and you wouldn’t leave your children or your pets alone with them.)

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SANTORUM: You put VERY SEXY THINGS like abortion and marijuana on the ballot, and a lot of young people come out and vote and it was a secret sauce for disaster in Ohio. I don’t know what they were thinking, but that’s why I thank goodness that most states in the country don’t allow you to put everything on the ballot, because pure democracies are not the way to run a country, CHUCKLE CHUCKLE!

What’s your favorite part of that video?

The part where Rick Santorum says abortion is too hot not to vote for?

The part where Rick Santorum emits the words “secret sauce” from his thin lips?

The part where he just in the folksiest way possible implies that Christian fascism is what these people should be going for, because you can’t trust these voters to vote in ways that please the Christian fascists?

In response to Santorum calling abortion a “VERY SEXY THING,” Mercedes Schlapp, whose white conservative Christian fascist family name is scandal because men keep accusing her husband of trying to touch their penises, made this face:

Seethe harder.

We don’t know what Rick Santorum meant when he said that abortion and marijuana are a “VERY SEXY THING.” Maybe he meant he got a boner when he looked at the Ohio ballot. Maybe he meant something else. He did used to be very into abortion, before he was against it. And his wife DEFINITELY used to be into pro-abortion dudes. BIGLY.

Of course, in his political life, Santorum was always an absolute creeper about abortion, and there was that one time where after a very sad miscarriage Santorum took the fetus home so the kids could cuddle with it and kiss it and sing to it.

So, um.

Here’s a bonus clip Aaron captured from Newsmax last night! It is one of the weird plastic Newsmax hosts saying, “It does seem like the Republican Party generally has a real problem with winning!”

And for help solving that problem, he went to Ken Cuccinelli, because we guess Newsmax is just a honey trap for creepy and weird and gross and extremely off-putting and you wouldn’t leave your children or your pets alone with them.

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Yes, it is a mystery that America doesn’t vote for these people.

Here is box of articles about all the main characters in this blog post. Maybe it can help us understand why voters in the United States loathe Republicans so much.