Here's Donald Trump's Surprise Press Conference, Maybe It's For International Cat Day?
We promise not to make a habit of live Trumpery.
Vice President Kamala Harris has been pulling ahead in the polls, and most Democrats are over the moon at her pick of Tim Walz as a running mate, so Donald Trump would like some attention please! Therefore, he’s holding a surprise presser at his Florida Trash Palace today. The one that isn’t a golf course.
The AP speculates that maybe he has something to say about the debate he refuses to have with Harris, but who knows. Maybe he’s excited for International Cat Day, or perhaps he simply wants to let us all know that that Washington Post story about how he’s losing his shit is completely not true, no, you’re the one losing their shit, because you’re a loser. Maybe he’ll just read the latest installment of his weird fan fiction about Joe Biden wanting to steal the D nomination back, demand reporters workshop it, and then tell them they’re horrible people for thinking it needs revisions.
Maybe he’s dropping out of the race and letting JD Vance have the spotlight! Haha, we crack ourselves up!
The AP notes that Trump had pooted something out on his fake twitter about how now he’s gonna debate Harris on Fox News (she is not planning to attend that one, because the campaigns already agreed to a debate on ABC News September 10). Or maybe now he’s going to do the ABC News debate after all. Either way, Trump gargled some shitwater from the bowl of the chandelier toilet and boasted he was ready to destroy Harris in a debate, he’s not afraid of a girl:
“I will expose Kamala during the Debate the same way I exposed Crooked Joe, Hillary, and everyone else during Debates,” he said on Truth Social, referring to Democrats Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton. “Only I think Kamala will be easier.”
Fucker’s still running against Hillary Clinton! Anyway, here’s the PBS NewsHour livestream, if you want to see what shit he flings, and we promise that if he makes a habit of “surprise” pressers like Glenn Beck used to announce he’d have earth-shattering news every few days, we will not make a habit of putting them up here, fuck him anyway.
Finally, we should note that the Harris campaign posted a lovely collection of photos of Tim Walz’s cat Afton for you all to enjoy, and what a handsome fellow he is.
Do we mean Walz or Afton is the handsome fellow? Yes, yes we do.
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That does it. I'm calling a press conference to bitch about Linda at work. I KNOW she's using my salad dressing from the fridge.
Hey, everybody.
I live in Florida, as you already know.
In this state, we have a law called the Baker Act. That means if you can prove to a judge that a person is mentally unstable to a point where they are "a danger to themselves and others," you can have them committed to a hospital, even if they don't give consent, and if they are over 21.
I say we use this against Chump.