How Does Trump Get Impressionable Idiots Like Judge Boxwine And Eric To Believe He Built New York City?
Amazing.
We have to admit we’re impressed by Donald Trump’s apparent ability to manipulate the brains of impressionable MAGA voters, the kinds of voters who are scared of great big New York City, who walk around the city in a daze like they’ve just been smacked in the face with a piano or dropped headfirst by a crane into a Bota Box the size of the Hudson River.
We of course are talking about impressionable voters like Eric Trump and Fox News’s Judge Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro. Did you think we were talking about Kansas MAGA tourist cowhumpers? Nah. It’s a given that those morons will believe anything Donald Trump says about the big scary city.
Yesterday afternoon, it was Boxwine’s turn to blabber-slosh her anger around her glass about Robert De Niro campaigning for Joe Biden in front of Trump’s trial. MAGA is VERY MAD about that.
Listen to the Box-Wino and then we have a couple questions:
She said:
“You know, my question for Robert De Niro is what have YOU done for New York City, Robert De Niro? What have YOU done? Is there a building with your name on it? Have you built skyscrapers? Has the skyline of New York changed because of all of your vision? NO!”
Y’all. Wow, y’all.
First of all, we can take Judge Five-O’Clock-Somewhere’s question at face value and answer, and note that De Niro cofounded the Tribeca film festival in 2002, which was specifically about helping lower Manhattan just after 9/11. (If you aren’t familiar with New York and the lay of the land, no shame! Look these locations up on a map and see how they are essentially one and the same.)
De Niro is a really big New York investor, actually. And De Niro didn’t brag, on 9/11, that any of his investments were now the tallest building in lower Manhattan, now that terrorists had destroyed the Twin Towers. (When Trump did that, his building wasn’t actually the tallest in lower Manhattan. And he doesn’t even actually own that building, just the ground lease.)
But, and we mean this sincerely: What does Judge Boxwine think Donald Trump did to change the New York skyline? You know, aside from plastering his dumpy, classless name on a couple buildings through licensing agreements? (Which, incidentally, people who live in those buildings are always trying to get removed, because it makes their property values trash just like him?)
Eric Trump has been saying this recently. He told squawking anger muppet Maria Bartiromo in March that his father “built the skyline of New York.”
We don’t know how to say this gently, but no, Eric. Daddy did not do that. None of those really big buildings — and boy oh boy, there’s a lot of ‘em, and maybe one day if you’re good we’ll ride the elevator all the way to the top, and from there you can see all the way to Paris! — were built by Daddy. He’s actually built … maybe one or two not very tall things in the city?
We know Eric is monumentally stupid, and that his dad has him convinced he’s the coolest dad ever to bring to career day. He’s scared of the CVS, having his panic attacks because he thinks you’re not allowed to buy Tylenol anymore, HE JUST HAS AN OWWWWIE ON HIS HEAD AND IT HURTS, AND YOU’RE A STRANGER AND ERIC IS NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU!
And of course, Eric has been extremely confused and upset and angry about Daddy being indicted, and the only person who could possibly maybe make him feel less scared is six feet under somewhere on the golf course in New Jersey.
We know all these things.
But we are just marveling at the bullshit Trump has gotten these people, who live in New York City, to believe about New York City, and his minimal influence on it.
“Donald Trump is not a major player in New York City real estate,” said a director of the family-run Durst Organization real estate company in 2013, according to this Curbed article.
Why else would Daddy be liable for hundreds of millions in fraud for YET AGAIN inflating the size of his, ahem, assets?
It’s because there’s not much there there, Eric and Judge Boxwine. It turns out Daddy isn’t very impressive after all.
And he wasn’t actually going to remember to show up to career day, anyway.
Womp womp.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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"Judge Five-O’Clock-Somewhere"
We also would have accepted Judge Pirro Grigio.
Robert De Niro is worth about 500 million. Besides the Tribeca Film Festival he co-owns The Tribeca Grill and co-owns the Greenwich Hotel. He has been awarded the keys to NYC, built a studio with 11 sound stages in Queens and the list goes on.
Piro has delivered regularly box wine from Zabar's