How Many Crazy Things Do You Have To Believe To Be A Trumper This Week?
Antifa is a real terrorist organization because only George Soros can use Kinkos.
As we have noted previously, after ignoring months of protests against Dipshit Hitler’s authoritarian takeover, Republicans are finally noticing how little Americans want the whole “Trump can do anything he wants” thing. That’s why they’re doing their damnedest to portray the nationwide No Kings rallies planned for Saturday as a terrible threat, a scary gathering of “antifa” radicals who all hate America.
They’re also almost exclusively focused on the rally planned for the Mall in Washington DC, possibly to focus media attention even more on DC than usual, possibly because they want to stochastically encourage attacks at that one rally from random nutcases, and very likely because they don’t want to call attention to the fact that there are more than 2,500 No Kings rallies planned all over America. (Find one near you!) That’s way up from the 2,000 No Kings rallies held in June, which brought out millions of Americans.
The nice folks at Meidas Touch put together this handy supercut of Republican figures lying through their teeth about the rallies and claiming only radical Marxist antifa terrorist maniacs on George Soros’s payroll will be there. Talk about coordinated, astroturfed messaging!
Oops, a few of the dingleberries even slipped and said the name of the event, but went right ahead with the other lies anyway. No cookies for them!
One of the stupidest talking points the administration has been pushing — not simply about No Kings, but about all protests against Trump — is the notion that some malign shadowy hand is behind Americans’ discontent with Trump. Americans could never object to what he’s doing unless some sinister bad guy — usually George Soros, but often just “they” — led them astray.
That’s distilled into its essence in this clip from Sean Hannity’s show Tuesday, in which Attorney General Pam Bondi offers ironclad proof that “antifa” is a single entity funded by … well, she’s gonna get to the bottom of it!
BONDI: That’s one of the things about Antifa. You’ve heard President Trump say multiple times, they are organized, they are a criminal organization — and they are very organized. You’re seeing people out there with thousands of signs that all match, pre-bought, pre-put together. They are organized, and someone is funding it. We’re going to get to the funding of antifa. We’re going to get to the root of antifa, and we are going to find and charge all of those people who are causing this chaos, in Portland and all the other cities across our country.
Oh no! Matching protest signs, like those the Trump campaign printed up to distribute at every rally? Or like the ones printed by unions or Planned Parenthood or other groups? Have these weirdos never heard of on-demand printing? It’s really priced quite reasonably!
Then again, the administration’s new push to declare all dissent “terrorism” may lead to investigations and prosecutions of unions, Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, Act Blue, and Indivisible, so maybe “matching signs” actually is proof of criminal intent, at least if you’re a fascist and a dumbass.
In any case, as our headline says, it’s really quite impressive how many impossible things you have to believe before breakfast in order for any of this Trumped up “antifa is planning a Hate America rally this weekend” to make sense — and even then, it still makes no sense. Let us listicle!
You must never have heard of on-demand print shops, nonprofit organizations, or even the availability of downloadable sign templates online, for free or for a few bucks. (Etsy is no doubt a terrorist organization run by dangerous radicals, too.)
You must ignore all the wonderfully goofy signs people make themselves, too.
You must believe that people are incapable of organizing anything without central control. In the case of the No Kings rallies, yes, it’s a group effort led by Indivisible, with support from something like 200 partner organizations listed on the event’s website. But it’s far from a top-down effort. Every local rally has its own local organizers, and nobody is paying them a cent. There really is a delightful “Let’s put on a protest in the old town square” vibe to the whole thing, and there’s no way in hell you could get people in 2,500 locations to show up if they weren’t pissed off individuals.
You must believe that disagreeing with Donald Trump’s agenda is the same as “hating America.” And you’ll probably have to ignore all the people carrying US flags at the rally, too, or insist they were told to do that by their overlords. (As one of your overlords, I’m just suggesting it, ya know, because hell yes, optics, and it’s our damn flag.)
You must believe that nobody opposes Trump of their own free will, but must be paid to do it.
You must also believe that anyone who opposes Trump but isn’t being paid was “indoctrinated” by those mean public schools and universities. (Subset of this belief: you must forget just how impossible it is for teachers to get students to even do the reading, much less force ideological uniformity on them.)
You must believe more broadly that people you agree with have free will, while everyone else is either a paid fake, or brainwashed.
You must believe that a vast conspiracy is at work, but that the only evidence of it is stuff that isn’t hard to explain, while real proof — like pay stubs from George Soros Hate America, LLC — somehow remain hidden.
You must believe your neighbors are terrorists, and not just their teenagers with the loud music and hoodlum friends.
Along similar lines, you must believe that millions of your fellow Americans actively hate their country, and put a lot of effort into perversely trying to thwart Donald Trump’s wise plans.
You must believe that Donald Trump is wise in the first place. Yeesh.
Those are just a few of the things that occurred to us; we’re sure you can come up with more in the comments, which of course we do not allow.
[No Kings / Media Matters / LAT]
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>>(Etsy is no doubt a terrorist organization run by dangerous radicals, too.)<<
Given the sheer amount of crocheted foolery on Etsy, I would 100% believe this.
ALSO TOO! Your EQ apologizes for disappearing from Wonkette for over a month. I was laid off from my job at the beginning of September and have been busy re-orienting myself to the whole job search routine. I have an interview tomorrow, so fingers and toes and eyebrows crossed!
I was "indoctrinated" by growing up in the patriarchal, racist, Jim Crow south. Even as a child I was repelled by the injustice and cruelty of the system. My parents were not white supremacists or supportive of segregation, being FDR Democrats. As a result, Georgians like Dr. King, Ellis Arnall, Andrew Young, John Lewis, and Jimmy Carter were heros. I only got to march with Dr. King once before he was shot dead.