Hunter Biden Might Get To Watch James Comer Staple His Donger To The Wall In A Public Hearing!
Hunter Biden Might Get To Watch James Comer Staple His Donger To The Wall In A Public Hearing!
Lord willin'!
Yesterday, House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer — AKA what we imagine it would sound like if a banjo had late-stage syphilis — sent invitations to Hunter Biden, plus his former business associates Tony Bobulinski (you have to shriek his name like a Fox host on bath salts), Devon Archer, and Jason Galanis, to testify in public on March 20.
Comer says they want to "examine inconsistencies among the witnesses’ testimonies in order to get the truth for the American people.” Hunter Biden’s closed-door testimony was such a hickory smoked fail-turd for Comer, we guess he wants to eat his next serving more loudly, in public next time.
The hearing will be called “Influence Peddling: Examining Joe Biden’s Abuse of Public Office,” because James Comer is not mentally capable of understanding when he is embarrassing himself.
LAST WEEK!
Last night, Comer explained on Fox News just how close his investigation is to uncovering THE TRUTH. He was on Hannity, which makes sense, as Hannity is also incredibly stupid, unlike Steve Doocy, who understands what a squealing pigfuck Comer is.
“Look, the Bidens have been investigated by the Securities and Exchange Commission, by the IRS, by the FBI, by multiple US attorneys in multiple districts within the Department of Justice, but yet nothing ever happened!”
We’d say he’s so close to getting it, but y’all, he isn’t. Remember that most of the entities that have investigated the Bidens have done so because they were currently bouncing up and down on Donald Trump’s dick and that’s what Trump hereby ordered. Trump sent his minions on a Russian spy chase around the globe and extorted Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election, holding up their military aid if they didn’t announce fake investigations into the Bidens, and there was still nothing.
James Comer is not close to getting it. Listen to him “shhhhhhh” his S’s and breathe nervously and heavily and tell us this man isn’t several drummies shy of a full KFC family bucket.
Comer also told Hannity last night that the Democrats were the ones who embarrassed themselves during the Hunter deposition. “They’re not shhhhhh-erioushhhhhh!” he suffering succotashed at Hannity.
As Acyn from Meidas Touch (who collected that video) notes, this was Comer’s second time on Hannity since Hunter’s deposition, trying to convince everyone that “it went great!” for Republicans.
The other night, he told Hannity:
“But at the end of the day, we’re gonna try to hold this family accountable. We’re gonna try to have referrals. We gonna try to identify the people in the Deep State that were part of the coverup because remember, in addition to the Biden financial crimes, we also have the coverup by the Deep State actors.
“So we’re trying to hold everyone accountable. We’re trying to wrap this up. And I think that the deposition with Hunter Biden and the transcribed interview with Jim Biden were huge successes.”
Is James Comer’s vet available? Bless his heart, we think he’s been licking frogs’ backs the backyard.
But that’s fine, because we don’t personally care about Comer’s well-being, or whether his fentanyl is laced with fentanyl. And if he needs to have a public hearing so he can show his anus to the whole world again — God, it was so fucking funny last time he tried to have a public hearing — then Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we will watch that hearing and cover it live.
And if/when any more of Comer’s star witnesses get arrested after willfully turkey-basting Russian spy propaganda up Comer’s butt, reckon we’ll cover that too.
This is the best and brightest MAGA Republicans have to offer. The brain damage only increases from here.
MORE. BECAUSE FUCK IT, WHY NOT.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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Influence peddling? As my dearly departed dad was fond of saying…you’re shittin’ I! You mean powerful American politicians use their positions to INFLUENCE persons and they are COMPENSATED fer the INFLUENCING??? You’re shittin’ I! Say it ain’t so. This is HIGHER than a high crime and MEANER than a misdemeanor! Hunter Biden can admit he accepted billions from enemies of the state to sell American secrets and to give aid and comforts to Communists and even discounts at Red Lobster. But did JOE??? And the banjo strums and the spoons are a slappin’ those knees.
"tell us this man isn’t several drummies shy of a full KFC family bucket."
Thighs & Wings LIBELZ!!