Idiot US Attorney Judge Boxwine Actually Tried To Indict Mark Kelly And Pals Yesterday
Hahahahahahahahahaha, fascism, but hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Print this one out and put it on your bathroom mirror and in your manifesting journal and wherever you need to put it on those days when you need a reminder that our fascists and Nazis are THE MOST INCOMPETENT FUCKING FASCISTS AND NAZIS IN THE HISTORY OF GOD’S ENTIRE GREEN EARTH.
So y’all know how US Attorney Judge Jeanine Boxwine Pirro, Esq. has been having a real hard time getting DC grand juries to sign her indictments? It is largely because she is an incompetent fool Fox News personality who keeps bringing them fake crimes, and the grand juries keep saying “LOL!” and making wine-sloshing motions at each other and telling her to fuck off.
It’s mostly been Boxwine trying to indict peaceful protesters for failing to suck Nazi and ICE cock and say thank you for all the fascism, sir yes sir. They say grand juries will indict a ham sandwich, but not when this dumb dickhole is makin’ them!
But this? This? Is a whole ‘nother level of hilarious dumbass behavior emanating from the wine bar at the US attorney’s office in Washington DC.
It was reported last night that Boxwine literally actually tried to indict Sens. Mark Kelly and Elissa Slotkin, and Reps. Jason Crow, Maggie Goodlander, Chrissy Houlahan, and Chris DeLuzio, for making that video where they simply read the law out loud and reminded active duty servicemembers and those working in the intelligence community that they are required BY LAW! to refuse to obey illegal orders from any petty little bitch tyrants who happen to give them.
Boxwine did that. Boxwine did that yesterday.
Also yesterday, the grand jury in DC told her to eat a whole entire platter of dicks in a blanket. Because of course it did that yesterday.
What did Wonkette say? WHAT DID WONKETTE SAY when we first wrote about Boxwine sniffing around these real patriots’ pantlegs?
If you want a punchline, it is that it appears to be US Attorney Judge Boxwine threatening to open a bottle of Yellowtail on these seditious insurrectionists who forgot to swear their oath to Dear Leader instead of the Constitution, so it’s not like she’s actually going to be able to get a grand jury to do anything to them.
That’s what Wonkette said.
The New York Times reported this last night with four separate sources, suggesting that there was a footrace of LOL-ing staffers from Pirro’s office rushing to be the first to tell reporters about this shit.
The subhed of the New York Times article is credulously stupid, stating that “The rejection was a remarkable rebuke, suggesting that ordinary citizens did not believe that the lawmakers had committed any crimes.” Well no, it’s not that remarkable, since making a video where you read the law out loud is not in any way a breach of The Law, no matter whether it makes Shit-Smelling Dementia Hitler in the White House mad when people refuse to bow down to him as a dictator.
This is correct:
It was remarkable that the U.S. attorney’s office in Washington — led by Jeanine Pirro, a longtime ally of Mr. Trump’s — authorized prosecutors to go into a grand jury and ask for an indictment of the six members of Congress, all of whom had served in the military or the nation’s spy agencies.
Yes, that is the remarkable part.
This is not correct:
But it was even more remarkable that a group of ordinary citizens sitting on the grand jury in Federal District Court in Washington rejected the effort, sending a signal that they did not believe that the lawmakers had committed any crimes.
No, that is not the remarkable part. It simply means the grand jury knew how to read, and as you can see, Wonkette correctly called it weeks ago.
But anyway, oh my fucking God, it’s still absolutely insane that this is happening.
Rep. Jason Crow has responded to the news:
So that’s how this is going over with the unindicted non-conspirators. Oh wait he said more:
Mark Kelly has also responded, but he didn’t call them “fuckers.” That’s OK, though, because he’s currently suing the fuck out of Secretary Shitfaced Hegseth, after Hegseth limp-dick-edly tried to go after his pension and retired rank, knowing full well that if he actually had tried to bring Kelly up on charges under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, he would have ended up more humiliated than when he tries to do kettlebell swings in front of girls.
Here are also responses from Slotkin, Houlahan, Goodlander, and DeLuzio.
Again, this is so stupid, and also so dangerous, and so fascist, and so remarkably fucked up. This is not even grown-up dictatorship shit, this is amateur hour clownfucker reality show dictatorship shit.
Which is … where we live.
And it brings us back to where we started this post, with the reminder that even when we’re weary, feeling small, walking through the shadow of death, we should fear no evil, because these fuckers STUPID.
Moreover, they don’t possess any powers of subtlety or patience, the kind that are required to execute a strategy of slowly boiling the proverbial frog and turning a great country into a white supremacist fascist shithole. Instead we have inbreds like Hegseth and Boxwine, who don’t have the self-control to keep from screaming, “WOOOOOOO, I’M DOING A FROG THINNNGGGGGGG, Y’ALL!”
Ridiculous.
Here is the video the lawmakers made, which is more and more important every day as the Trump regime gets weaker and weaker and more frightened and cornered. Watch it again if you haven’t seen it lately, and then watch Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl performance again, because we’re pretty sure by the end of the day Boxwine is going to try to indict Benito for Aggravated Spanishing.
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Maybe they don't actually care if they get an indictment they just want to harass and grab headlines that make Mango Mussolini all tingly.
Calling her Boxwine is Gallo humor