‘I’m His Lawyer,’ Explains Guy With Tongue In Trump’s Bottom Who Wants To Be AG
So that's how Todd Blanche's confirmation hearing went.
Oops, Todd Blanche told the truth during his confirmation hearing today. (Just once, don’t worry, the rest was his usual lying, obfuscating, and trying to play cute when he’s nowhere near attractive enough to pull off “playing cute.”)
Republican Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana was trying to make it OK that Trump’s next attorney general will be his personal lawyer, his fart tester, his next Roy Cohn — Trump’s original Roy Cohn is in hell — who hasn’t for one second abandoned that role while abusing his position as deputy attorney general and now (acting) AG.
“Are you and President Trump friends?” asked Kennedy.
“I’m his lawyer. Was his lawyer! And now I’m the deputy attorney general. So I met him as his criminal defense attorney. I’m not sure there’s very many people who have ever had a criminal defense attorney who calls that person their friend,” Blanche babbled on and on, deftly refusing to address the point, even though it was a friendly Republican senator.
We get it dude. You live inside Trump’s asshole, you do what he says, you’re his special little pomeranian in charge of dramatically barking at things and biting ankles and meting out retribution against Daddy’s enemies, and now that your roommate inside Trump’s asshole Lindsey Graham is dead, you finally get the whole place to yourself.
Did we about sum it up?
So yeah, today was Blanche’s confirmation hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee to be the next person to pretend to be the nation’s attorney general while actually just continuing to serve as Trump’s personal lawyer.
Blanche is of course Trump’s slush fund baby boy, for the purpose of paying off terrorists and criminals and kid-touchers who are loyal to the president, though before the hearing he lied to the committee’s top-ranking Democrat Dick Durbin and said he regrets championing the fund, all while pretending the slush fund is definitely gone forever.
Blanche facilitated child rapist Ghislaine’s Maxwell’s transfer to special puppy playtime jail, because apparently that was his assignment in protecting the absolute star of the Epstein Files, Donald John Trump. Gotta keep the star witness onside!
News broke yesterday of how intimately involved Blanche is in Trump’s retribution campaign, how much he loves it. As the guy at the top of the DOJ, he loves signing off on investigations like the one into James Comey’s Instagram influencer MURDERRRRRRR seashell posts. He loves letting Judge Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro run roughshod over the DC US Attorney’s office, humiliating it for all time, prosecuting people who look at the Reflecting Pool funny, prosecuting men wielding improvised sandwich missiles. He signs off on the mouthbreathing INVESTIGATE THE INVESTIGATORS shit going down in Florida, targeting whoever Trump believes rigged elections against him. He signs off on indicting NY AG Letitia James for imaginary crimes, and on investigating any other woman Trump considers Black.
![Kash Patel Spent 11 [Hic!] Months Investigating Comey’s MURDERRRRR Seashells](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!hG4F!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F198a54ba-d61e-4ee6-b9ec-af53667d82df_974x540.png)
The government’s outright lying, misconduct, and abuse in the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia? The Broadview Six humiliation?
All this is on Todd, the man at whom the buck stops.
DOJ lawyers are viewed as incompetent clowns and liars by judges, and every week there are new headlines to that effect. It’s no longer an honor to say you work there. In fact, it’s a red flag about your personal character and aptitude.
Oh yeah, and he’s trying to help steal the midterms.
Need a longer list of Todd Blanche’s abuses of his position, and of basic decency, all for the sake of the Daddy he’s paid to service? Check out Liz at Public Notice this morning. She’s got some receipts.
Todd Blanche is a wad of detritus, devoid of integrity, an embarrassment to his profession. How much of a Trump asslicker is he? This much:
As Liz points out in her column, the chances that Republicans won’t confirm this guy are pretty much nil, even after the embarrassment of today, because they don’t care. They wouldn’t be having the hearing if he didn’t have the votes, and Susan Collins will have ample room to be concerned, if she feels the political need. (Though she is currently politically concerned about that ICE agent who committed unprompted murder in Maine this week, so she might not need to be concerned about Blanche.)
Republicans in the Senate are just as complicit in the destruction of the country, the Constitution, and the rule of law as Trump and his little ballwasher Todd are.
That’s just how it is in the United States, until the day comes when it isn’t anymore.
And honestly, the hearing didn’t meet the moment, which is unsurprising, since the Judiciary Committee includes such collegial Democrats as Amy Klobuchar and Cory Booker, who value their collegiality more than they value serving the American people by meeting this moment. Just glad they were able to take breaks from writing their diary entries about their most treasured friendship moments with Lindsey Graham to show up at the hearing today.
A couple highlights/moments:
Dick Durbin referenced Blanche’s slobbering “I love you, sir” comments above in his opening statement, and said Blanche was his personal lawyer, which was less powerful than when Kennedy accidentally got Blanche to admit it.
Blanche lied through his teeth when he laughably claimed that this administration has been transparent with the Epstein Files, as opposed to the truth, which again involves puppy playdates for child rapists, and that’s just the beginning of the ways Blanche and Trump’s DOJ have protected all the child rapists in those files.
Here is Blanche whining to Cory Booker that Ghislaine Maxwell had gotten threats and that’s why she had to be moved. Booker explained that the typical policy for a child sex trafficker and rapist who receives threats is not to transfer them to puppy playdate jail.
In response to sleepy questioning from Durbin, Blanche babbled obfuscations and distractions about the fake “settlement” he oversaw between Trump, his family, and the IRS — the thing that included the weaponization slush fund to pay off Trump’s favorite fraudsters, grifters, and kid-touchers — to absolve them of any future scrutiny of any tax crimes they might have committed. (Speaking of judges reading Blanche and the Trump DOJ for filth.)
Speaking of fraudsters, grifters, and kid-touchers, Blanche would not dare question Daddy’s judgment in pardoning all the January 6 terrorists who love Trump so. He is not allowed to ask questions!
He promised Amy Klobuchar he would “follow the law” when it comes to whether or not Trump wants him to deploy armed feds to polling places, but he’s not aware of these concerns, why are people possibly concerned about that? Todd Blanche was just innocently asking.
He couldn’t agree with Klobuchar, though, that feds definitely shouldn’t bust into people’s houses without a warrant and without checking to make sure they’re at the right house before they drag somebody out in their underwear in 10-below-zero-degree weather. The asterisk there, if we understood Blanche correctly, is that people here illegally don’t have to be treated like humans, you can just treat them like vermin. (Trump and Stephen Miller consider all their political enemies to be vermin, notably.)
He also couldn’t agree with Richard Blumenthal that ICE agents shouldn’t just fire their guns into cars.
Oh but he promised Fundie Baby Voice scumbag Katie Britt, who was faking white Christian mommy feelings, that he will keep looking into how the DOJ can ban the mailing of the abortion drug mifepristone, which is fully safe and used all over the world, has been used all over the world forever, to make needed abortions happen. Her voice trembling like a real person, her one example of the “dangers” of mifepristone was a guy (all the anti-abortion creeps and perverts are telling this story right now) who reportedly ordered the abortion drug and gave it to his partner without her consent. But isn’t that its own crime and completely beside the point of whether the drug can be safely dispensed through the mail? If somebody uses a heavy blender they got in the mail to hit somebody over the head and kill them, should the Ninja Corporation be banned from selling their blenders online?
SHUT UP! Serena Joy, the senator from Chi Omega at the University of Alabama ROLL TIDE! and also a handmaiden for the Religious Right, is busy pretending to cry! Blanche promised Britt he would go along with her lying-for-Jesus bullshit, because that is also his job.
Here, watch that clip:
Notably, Ted Cruz also went after abortion pills in his questioning too. Also Josh Hawley, the most anti-abortion little simp in the entire Senate.
Newsflash: They are going to take the abortion pills.
Here is where Blanche claimed to Durbin that he’s not allowed to meet with any of the 10 Epstein rape victims who were present that day, because they don’t have their lawyers. Todd Blanche cares about legal ethics and the appearance of impropriety, you guys, wink wink, nudge nudge! This is also why he couldn’t promise to notify the committee once people from DOJ have met with those survivors and/or their counsel. But his “heart breaks” for the survivors, can’t you tell? We guess it’s just that his heart breaks harder at the thought of any of the child rapists in the Epstein Files seeing a second of justice, we guess.
Here is a good clip of Sheldon Whitehouse reading a list of all the ways Trump’s US attorneys and underlings have embarrassed themselves and the country in front of judges, and what judges have had to say about their constant misconduct. Blanche would not promise Whitehouse that all their constant misconduct would stop, and was offended at the suggestion. Instead he lied and tried to pretend prosecutorial misconduct and incompetence wasn’t the hallmark of his DOJ, or that it wasn’t that uncommon for Whitehouse to be able to find so many quotes from judges excoriating them. Whitehouse told him he was full of shit.
And here is Whitehouse asking Blanche how long he’s going to put up with that fuckin’ Kash Patel loser. Oh boy, Todd Blanche got all bothered and prissy over that one! “That’s an extraordinarily obnoxious question!” Hahahahaha, get used to it, AG Cumrag. There are going to be some pretty obnoxious questions at your disbarment hearings after this is all over too.
“I have full faith in Director Patel and the work he’s doing every day.”
“Great, you get to own that,” said Whitehouse in reply.
Blanche also gets to own his testimony to Senator Jack Welch of Vermont, where he said under oath of Kash Patel that “I don’t think he has any issues drinking.” Though that might not be perjury but a lawyerly loophole. Indeed, that sentence could be reasonably interpreted to mean Patel is down to drink any old time.
Finally, Blanche gets to own that thing where he admitted under oath by accident that he’s still nothing more that Donald Trump’s slutty errand boy. Never will we write another article about Blanche that doesn’t include it, that’s for damn sure.
Here are a few more clips from toward the end of the hearing, it’s all the same, we’re done commenting on this garbage human, at least for today.
OPEN THREAD.
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