Impeachment Is Giant Turd, So House Republicans Gonna Investigate Joe Biden For Being Old
This was always coming.
Well dadgummit, House Oversight and Judiciary Committee chairmen James Comer and Jim Jordan, respectively, their impeachment of President Joe Biden didn’t amount to anything, so it’s time for a new tactic: an investigation into whether Joe Biden is old.
This one will also somehow fail. We do not understand yet how it will fail, but we are dealing with the most incapable white men in the country. They’re gonna fuck it up.
Axios scooped this morning that Republicans, fresh off all the kisses partisan hack Republican fluffer Special Counsel Robert Hur blew up their butts with his 388-page “Joe Biden is not a criminal, he is criminally OLD” report, will now do an investigation into that.
House Republicans are activating a weekslong, perhaps monthslong, plan to keep questions about President Biden's mental state in the spotlight, Axios has learned.
Great. Daily hearings on Joe Biden’s age. Could Senate Democrats act like they own the place and do some kind of counterprogramming? We are just curious.
Why it matters: Sources close to House GOP leaders are blunt that they don't think it even matters what they find. These sources think that any fight will make the White House look bad — and keep a huge Biden vulnerability in the headlines.
Whaaaaat? Republicans might not even have a purpose here besides the obvious one?
Axios reports that “a leadership source” tells them somebody might ask Robert Hur if Joe Biden is fit to lead. “Give him a chance to frame it,” they said. (And then they will of course turn it into a campaign commercial.)
But again, we did say it was the same fart-lighting dick-sniffers leading this charge as it’s been for the impeachment investigation — Comer, Jordan, and Jason Smith, the prissy Ways and Means chair who is little more than an extra in this musical. Those three have taken it upon themselves to DEMAND recordings and transcripts of Robert Hur’s interviews with Joe Biden, so they can discover … ??? …
They say this is actually part of their impeachment investigation. They need to know if Joe Biden kept any secret documents about China or Ukraine or Hunter Biden’s penis. And so forth. Read it if you want.
(But wait! Did we not type above that the impeachment investigation had failed? Yes, we did. We did not type that it was over.)
Also:
Next, we're told, House Republicans plan to seek testimony from Hur — and would ask him both about how Biden's storage of sensitive documents could have hurt national security, and about the president's mental acuity in the interview.
Cool. We look forward to Dan Goldman, Jared Moskowitz, and Eric Swalwell beating the living shit out of Robert Hur (WITH WORD ZINGERS) and stealing his lunch money on live TV.
Also it would be really cool for Democrats to make Hur explain over and over again the parts of his report where he lays out why he can’t charge Biden for mishandling of classified documents — despite how his hacky, lazy ass really wants to! — whereas Donald Trump is charged with 32 felonies for stealing and concealing state secrets and obstructing justice.
That would also be enjoyable TV. Bet Democrats could get Robert Hur to make some inadvertent campaign commercials for them too!
Strange thing here is, Kevin McCarthy and other Republicans are always privately admitting that Joe Biden is sharp as a tack when they meet with him in private. “Sharp as a tack” isn’t our words, it’s West Virginia Senator Shelley Moore-Capito’s words. “The president was highly engaged, did most of the talking — or, did a lot of the talking,” said Roger Wicker about meeting with Biden. “I visited with him in the Oval Office, and he seemed well-prepared and well-briefed for the meeting.” That’s Todd Young.
That’s, um, not quite how anybody ever came away from meeting with Donald Trump. (Remember that million-tweet thread from Daniel Drezner, the “I'll believe that Trump is growing into the presidency when his staff stops talking about him like a toddler” thread?)
What we’re saying is that making Robert Hur their beloved golden boy could backfire for Republicans in a thousand ways we haven’t even thought of yet.
Fight like motherfuckers, Democrats.
[Axios]
THESE ASSHOLES AGAIN!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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"Mr. Hur, if you were questioning someone and they repeatedly confused their wife with another woman they raped, would you think that person suffers from a memory problem?"
"Mr. Hur, if a presidential candidate repeatedly confused his election opponent with a former president who has been out of office for 8 years, would you think he has a memory problem?"
High crimes and misremembers!