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Who Wants To Hear James Comer High-Pitched Squeal For Two Solid Minutes?
If you got here because of a porn search for James Comer squealing for two solid minutes, boy, you are sick.
In our posts yesterday about congressional Republican men and their temper tantrums, we didn’t have a chance to talk about a third one who also very much pulled down his pants and embarrassed himself.
There was pathetic human joke Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin, and fellow pathetic human joke former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. But one of our very favorites also had one of his moments yesterday, and it was House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer, who is most famous for his global Carmen Sandiego searches for Hunter Biden’s penis.
“Found it, grandma! Ooooooh weeeee all the kids are gonna love it!”
“Now Jamie, that’s not Hunter Biden’s penis, that’s just a chicken leg you found in the backyard. If you fib and say everything is Hunter Biden’s penis, nobody will believe you if you actually do find it. Ever heard the story of the Boy Who Cried Hunter Biden’s Penis?”
That’s a conversation they have a lot at James Comer’s house, probably, we bet, possibly.
Anyway, “Boy Who Cried Hunter Biden’s Penis” will probably be the title of Comer’s biography someday. Meantime, watch this video of Comer in a hearing yesterday, doing high-pitched squeals at Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz for almost two solid minutes.
Wait, did James Comer shriek “You look like a smurf”? The answer is yes.
Do any of those other words he squealed like a prize-winning Kentucky piglet mean anything? The answer is no.
COMER: That is bullshit. You and Goldman, who is Mr. Trust Fund, continue to try to discredit — no, I’m not gonna give you your time back. We stopped the clock. You all continue to — you look like a smurf here just going around in all this stuff. You continue to spew disinformation. You dispel an investigation into public corruption, that’s what you’re doing. You can do anything you want to do, you can investigate anything. You’ve already been proven a liar, Mr. Moskowitz. You’ve already been proven a liar. Go to my hometown. There’s a camera crew there today doing opposition research. I’ll pay for your ticket.
What upset Comer so much is that Moskowitz brought up a Daily Beast report that Comer did some weird land swaps with his brother to the tune of somewhere near $200,000. His brother financially benefited. It’s been funny because Comer is gallivanting around with his tongue out, babbling sounds from his unnaturally and disturbingly be-cornered head about how it’s somehow exotic or suspicious that Joe Biden, as a private citizen non-candidate, loaned his brother James $200,000, which was subsequently paid back. He furrows his brow and bucks his teeth and acts as if no one in human history has ever SEEN that much money. Similarly, there was another $40,000 payment, which Comer alleges is evidence of a nefarious pay-for-play scheme between China and non-President Biden.
You know how China is always doing secret pay-for-plays with private American citizens for the price of a decently equipped RAV4.
Moskowitz perhaps got a bit ahead of his skis, because he referred to the land swaps as a “loan,” but regardless, mission accomplished, hit piglet James Comer did holler.
When Comer squealed at Moskowitz that he had been “proven a liar,” Moskowitz replied, correctly, that “Your word means nothing,” and said maybe Comer should sit for a whole entire deposition. Oh boy, James Comer was mad.
Aaron Rupar shares the full, uncensored meltdown. Comer was like a deleted scene from “Hee Haw,” just jingle-jangling and strumming on his banjo with that permanent look he has in his yes that says, “Hey guess what? I just licked the back of a blue-tailed skink! Mama said no but I did it!”
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“MY FAMILY DOESN’T GET WAAHHHHHHRS!” Comer squealed, drawing a distinction between his family and Joe Biden’s family, which gets wahrs.
Responding to Comer saying he looked like a smurf, Moskowitz tweeted, “Gargamel was very angry today.”
Meanwhile, Democratic Rep. Dan Goldman responded to Comer’s histrionics calling him “Mr. Trust Fund.”
Meanwhile, Comer went as usual to do shallow-breathed sobs at Sean Hannity about the Democrats who hurt his feelings. It’s only worth watching if you want to marvel at his dumb-looking square head from a different angle, perhaps while you wonder if he really did lick a skink and, if so, if that explains more than anything our current political moment.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.