In Triumphant Return, Meatball McPeenerToilet Named Ambassador To NATO
Welcome back, Meatball!
Oh look, Meatball McPeenerToilet is back, and he’s gonna be Ambassador to NATO!
It’s the corn-fed lunkhead with a body made of Big Mac meat! The scammer who ran a shady company called World Patent Marketing that bilked would-be inventors out of their life savings to promote the Masculine Toilet, for guys too dumb to stick their 18-incher anywhere but DOWN INSIDE THE WATER so it doesn’t get flushed down the toilet with the poops. And also time-travel technology!
Yep, just the crackpot for Trump to illegally name (acting) attorney general for three months way back in 2018, after Confederate Keebler elf Jeff Sessions got shoved out of his General-Attorneying tree for recusing himself and not helping a certain felon out of that Russia investigation hard enough.
Meatball was followed by Bill Barr, because he, Meatball, would never ever have gotten confirmed, being as how he was less qualified than a goat with scabies. Ah, 2018, what a sweet, innocent time.
But Meatball big, strong, build resume! Now he’s got three months handling high-stakes international legal issues, like locking up immigrant children and losing them, and doing everything he could to protect Russia’s boyfriend from nosy Robert Mueller. And most important, five years of experience going on Fox News to say NATO SUXXX and is RIPPING US OFF so they can pay for SOCIALIZED MEDICINE EXPERIMENTS!! TRUMP IS GENIUS!
And in between he went in front of the House Judiciary Committee to say TRUMP NO DO RUSSIA, ME EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE, DRUGS, CRIME, BORDER, HILLARY’S EMAILS!
From his Barcalounger, Poppy sipped his Diet Coke and was pleased. So now Meatball will get to go over to Europe and tell those Socialism-hugging cheese-eaters IT’S MEATBALL-THIRTY, MOTHEREFFERS! The US is pulling out of NATO, IN YOUR FACE!! BIG DICK MATT AND USA gonna yoink that 15 percent of your budget cuz we got kids to deport!! Good luck with Ukraine! MEATBALL OUT!
Previous descriptions from yr Wonkette’s Whitaker files include fake thug, disqualified for the position of wiping our dog's ass, and scummy, scammy dipshit. The Senate shouldn’t confirm somebody so wildly unqualified, but, gestures around. Trump sure does love to rescue stray petty grifters out of the gutter, he likes his mediocre white people hungry and loyal!
Back in the halcyon days of yore, eight years ago, he was the very stupidest nut on Trump’s bench. Now compared to these other motherfuckers, the wrestling lady, dead whale guy, Fox News Christian Nationalist, naked-teenage-hula-hoop party man, and Dr. Colloidal Silver, he looks like Clarence fucking Darrow.
It’s that old Steve Bannon strategy, flood the zone with shit. Then rob the house while everybody’s distracted trying to find a plunger for the Big Dick toilet!
SIGH.
And also: OPEN THREAD.
RELATED:
Bringing the six year old I babysit home on the train. Sitting across from us was another lesbian babysitter with a young boy. They were talking about Santa. Suddenly my kid yells out, "Santa's not real!" The other kid was probably 5, and he looked confused. I had to get my kid to quiet down and understand other kids still believe in Santa. He did not get it at all. I looked over at the other babysitter and mouthed the word, sorry. She smiled and nodded her head. We both understood how kids are. Funny little interactions keep life interesting.
Things I accomplished today
1. Nothing
2. Absolutely nothing