Is Mike Johnson An Even Cheaper Trump-Sniffer Than Kevin McCarthy? A Science Investigation.
Is Mike Johnson An Even Cheaper Trump-Sniffer Than Kevin McCarthy? A Science Investigation.
Does it even need to be a competition?
Here’s a thought for you about new loser Christian extremist lunatic creep Speaker Mike Johnson: is Johnson even cheaper than Kevin McCarthy, as Trump-sniffing sycophants go?
Two evidences have tumbleweeded across our prairie in the past few hours that suggest that yes, it’s possible.
Firstly, during the House Republican press conference this morning on impeaching Joe Biden (LOL), Johnson said the following words:
“While we take no pleasure in the proceedings here, we have a responsibility to do it. […]
“We owe it to the American people to continue this process but to do it methodically and transparently.
“Many of you know I’m a lawyer, I’m a constitutional law attorney, I served on President Trump’s impeachment defense team twice. And we lamented openly, we decried how the Democrats politicized that process. They were brazenly political in how they brought those meritless impeachment charges against the president.
“This, what you’re seeing here, is exactly the opposite. We are the rule of law team. The Republican Party stands for the rule of law and the people in charge of this are doing this thoroughly, carefully, methodically. They’re investigating and gathering all the facts.
“And to do this appropriately and to do it in a manner that upholds our constitutional responsibility requires time. It requires a sound process. You don’t rush something like this. You can’t if you’re going to have fidelity to the Constitution.”
Hahahaha, go fuck yourself with a laptop computer equipped with Covenant Eyes anti-porning software.
How many lies can this pathetic liar for Jesus get into just a few sentences? They love what they’re doing, that’s obviously the first lie. And the fact that he was able to say Republicans are the “rule of law team” with a straight face is a pretty good indicator of how bereft Johnson and his fellow mediocre white Republican men are of dignity, integrity, love of country, or souls.
But Johnson calling Trump’s impeachments — the most open-and-shut investigations in recent US history — “meritless,” that’s what really gets us.
Donald Trump was impeached for — beyond any reasonable doubt — trying to force Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election, and trying to hold back the military aid they needed to protect themselves from the late-stage syphilis infection of a nation that is Russia to make them do it. Ukraine is an ally, despite what America’s internal enemies in the Republican Party would like us to believe. When Trump got caught, and when he lost the 2020 election, he was impeached for trying to steal it after the fact by creating a fascist Big Lie that insisted that “actually we did win this election,” and embarking on a campaign to overturn the results, which culminated in a MAGA terrorist attack Trump incited against the country.
Both of Trump’s impeachments were literally for betraying the country, betraying the Constitution, and betraying his oath of office. His acquittals in the Senate are meaningless because there are too many MAGA grundle-sniffers in the Senate to actually hold a traitor accountable.
For this pissant Christian insurgent little ingrown pube to sit here and call them “meritless,” well, it’s just proof of what Liz Cheney said in her book about Johnson, namely that he seems “especially susceptible to flattery from Trump and aspired to being anywhere in Trump’s orbit.”
He needs to impress Daddy, doesnt he?
Which brings us to the second bit of evidence of just how cheap of a date Johnson really is when it comes to Trump. Surprise, it’s also from Liz Cheney’s book.
The Guardian has its own copy, and whereas CNN’s excerpts were wide-ranging, Guardian drilled down on all the particular shit Cheney talked about Mike Johnson. Specifically, it’s about how, despite how Johnson is spoken of as the “architect” of the coup plot to overthrow the Republic for Trump, actually Cheney says his “legal” theories were even flimsier than anybody realizes, he doesn’t do his own work, and he’s kind of a giant halfwit dumbass.
CNN’s excerpt has this line from Cheney about Johnson: “When I confronted him with the flaws in his legal arguments, Johnson would often concede, or say something to the effect of, ‘We just need to do this one last thing for Trump.’”
Now let’s pick up with The Guardian’s excerpt:
“As I read the amicus brief — which was poorly written — it became clear Mike was being less than honest,” Cheney writes. “He was playing bait and switch, assuring members that the brief made no claims about specific allegations of [electoral] fraud when, in fact, it was full of such claims.”
Cheney also says Johnson was neither the author of the brief nor a “constitutional law expert”, as he was “telling colleagues he was”. Pro-Trump lawyers actually wrote the document, Cheney writes.
Oh God, he didn’t even write it. How embarrassing.
Cheney says when Johnson started begging Republicans to sign on to his brief, saying Trump had specifically requested it, he pretended it was just about “our serious concerns with the integrity of our electoral system” and asking for “careful, timely review.”
We’ll let Cheney take over again:
“Mike was seriously misleading our members,” Cheney writes. “The brief did assert as facts known to the amici many allegations of fraud and serious wrongdoing by officials in multiple states.”
Johnson, she says, then told Republicans that 105 House members had expressed interest. “Not one of them had seen the brief,” Cheney writes. She also says he added “a new inaccurate claim”, that state officials had been “clearly shown” to have violated the constitution.
“But virtually all those claims had already been heard by the courts and decided against Trump.”
Calling the brief “poorly written”, Cheney says she doubted Johnson’s honesty and asked him who wrote it, as “to assert facts in a federal court without personal knowledge” would “present ethical questions for anyone who is a member of the bar”.
The New York Times, in dubbing Johnson the chief architect of the coup, fawned all over his “lawyerly nuance” and “narrow and lawyerly claims” and how he wrote this brief, which he said was based on the Constitution.
Mike Johnson loves to tell people he’s a super-smart constitutional lawyer. You see where he did it just this morning. Big man knows Constitution, you guys!
Ahem LOL OK sure.
Cheney even writes that House Oversight Committee James Comer — the hayseed dumbfuck out there hunting for proof China paid Hunter Biden’s penis $40,000 in exchange for (???) — called Johnson’s ploy his “lawsuit gimmick.”
And when James Comer is calling you stupid?
The Times noted in its original reporting that Cheney had called Johnson’s brief “embarrassing,” and that she believed his Mr. Big Time Lawyerly Posturing helped bring aboard Republicans who wouldn’t have gone along with this shit if Lauren Boebert was pushing it. It also noted that Kevin McCarthy originally refused to sign Johnson’s stupid brief. (He magically found a reason to do so soon after, because he’s Kevin McCarthy.)
The Guardian’s report includes denials from Johnson’s office of the claims in Cheney’s book, just as CNN’s report has denials from Trump’s office.
Unfortunately, we don’t reprint denials from people we know are liars, so they can eat shit.
OPEN THREAD
[Guardian]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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Hey Wonkette, why be delicate about it by telling the liars to just "eat shit"? Why not go all Elon Musk and tell them to Go. Fuck. Themselves.?
"Cheney also says Johnson was neither the author of the brief nor a “constitutional law expert”, as he was “telling colleagues he was”.
He didn't write it, he used CheatGPT.