These 'James Comer Staples Own Donger To Wall' Hearings Are Great, Let's Do One Every Day!

Good lord.

Mar 20, 2024

As predicted, today’s James Comer House Oversight hearing on Biiiiiden Corruption — you gotta say it like you’re from Kentucky and you’re blowing saliva into the chipmunk pouches in your cheeks — was a real exercise in Comer stapling his dick to the wall. It is his fetish, we do not judge.

Like we explained this morning, Hunter Biden told the committee to fuck off, since he testified for a million hours behind closed doors already. His business partner Devon Archer decided against attending. That left TONNNNNY BOBULINSKI!!!!!! — you have to say it like you’re on Fox News and you have a surprise boner and a piano just fell on your head — to testify in person, and new Comer star witness Jason Galanis to testify from prison, where he lives, due to the fraud convictions.

Oh, and on the Democratic side, it left Lev Parnas — you can say that one like a normal human— the former Rudy Giuliani associate, to explain to the committee how Comer’s entire investigation, and all the Biden conspiracy theories that underpin it, are a long-running Russian intelligence op.

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Hi, Lev!

Here are some excerpts from Lev Parnas’s words, via NBC News:

“The American people have been lied to, by Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, and various cohorts of individuals in government and media positions,” Parnas said in his opening statement. “They created falsehoods to serve their own interests knowing it would undermine the strength of our nation." […]
“Congressman Pete Sessions, then-Congressman Devin Nunes, Senator Ron Johnson and many others understood they were pushing a false narrative,” he said. “The same goes for John Solomon, Sean Hannity and media personnel, particularly with Fox News, who use this narrative to manipulate the public ahead of the 2020 elections. Sadly, they are still doing this today as we approach the 2024 elections.” […]
"The only information ever pushed on the Bidens and Ukraine has come from one source and one source only: Russia and Russian agents," he said, adding that impeachment proceedings against Biden were "predicated on a bunch of false information that is being spread by the Kremlin."
Parnas noted the recent indictment of former FBI informant Alexander Smirnov for allegedly providing false intelligence about the president and his son during the 2020 presidential campaign. Prosecutors said the information Smirnov shared about the Bidens came from “officials associated with Russian intelligence” and that he was peddling “new lies that impact U.S. elections after meeting with Russian intelligence officials in November.” Smirnov has pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Parnas also referred to an arrest for alleged treason of a Ukrainian lawmaker in November who aided Giuliani in his unsuccessful efforts to find information on the Bidens and has claimed he is innocent of the recent charges.
“I believe that what we are facing now is the culmination of a much larger plan for Russia to crush Ukraine by infiltrating the United States,” Parnas said.

Good hearing, James Comer, you’re nailing it. (By which we mean your dick, to the wall.)

Want video? Here’s one from Aaron Rupar:

Wanna watch it on Fox News? Here is a clip of that, via Acyn:

And more:

Of course, they cut away right at the end of that.

The full opening statement is here, in case those clips missed anything. We like how he really laid out how Rudy would knowingly give him Russian disinfo to give to John Solomon who would barf it on Sean Hannity live on air. Pretty cool.

All Fun And Games Until TONY BOBULINSKI!!!1!1! Calls Democratic Congressmen Liars And They Call Him A Fool To His Face

Tony Bobulinski is a known liar, one with some very weird Russian ties. In his closed door testimony, Hunter Biden described him thus:

I did not find him to be credible. I did not find him to be competent. I found him to be arrogant. I found him to often not tell the full truth or the truth at all. And, therefore, I had no faith to have him as a partner in any business.

And:

Tony is a bitter, bitter man that did not get in on a deal that he wanted to get in on, because I thought that he was both incompetent and an idiot. And he's proved himself to be so by the complete misstatements that he's made.

So of course he’s one of Comer’s star witnesses.

What we didn’t realize is how pathetic he’d come across in person, in front of Congress, as he called Democratic congressmen like Dan Goldman and Jamie Raskin liars — and also Hunter’s lawyer Abbe Lowell — in that tone of voice usually reserved for kids who are about to start crying because they pooped their pants in public and they’re scared they won’t be able to get out of there before the whole class smells it.

He has the demeanor of a kid who got picked last for dodgeball, last for science project partner, last for literally everything in life, and instead of rising above and growing from that, his adult self is out for impotent revenge.

MAGA Twitter thinks this clip made them look good, but they usually think that when everybody else is laughing at them. (Also that last paragraph is a pretty good elevator speech description of MAGA people.)

Tell us what you think.

When Bobulinski stopped because he was upset Raskin was interrupting him, Rep. Jared Moskowitz reportedly yelled, “Keep going, you fool!”

Bobulinski made the poop-cry face in response. Watch the clip, you’ll see.

Oh Also Jared Moskowitz Wore A Putin Mask On His Way In To The Hearing

Hilarious.

Moskowitz told media outside the hearing that he was there to thank Chairman Jim Comer (R-Ky.) “for taking our of all intelligence and using it in the committee,” he said, acting as Putin.
“Maybe he can come see the technology in our grocery stores,” Moskowitz continued, adding a jab at conservative media host Tucker Carlson, who garnered mocking criticism for a glowing video about Moscow’s grocery stores.

If you want to see more highlights from the hearing, hit up Rupar and Acyn, you know, the usual suspects. Surprise, James Comer did not find the smoking gun.

OPEN THREAD!

[NBC News / The Hill]