Joe Rogan Has Advice For Donald Trump, Whom He Apparently Just Heard About For The First Time Today
Meathead says what?
Joe Rogan — podcast host, alleged comic, and definite meathead — has some advice for President-elect Donald Trump, which he offered on his show this week after he apparently awoke from a fortified wine coma, peeled himself off the sawdust-covered floor of the bar where he had been passed out since 2014, and stumbled into his studio to make vaguely word-like shapes of air from his face-hole.
What was that advice? Oh, it was good, and something Trump will definitely take to heart because he isn’t a narcissist who has spent the 78 years of life God has for reasons incomprehensible to the human mind granted him on this Earth demeaning and insulting and belittling and shitting on every single person who hasn’t kissed his ass six ways from Sunday. And even plenty of people who have kissed his ass six ways from Sunday. There has been a lot of ass-kissing and belittling, is the point.
Let us read and listen and laugh together, bitterly, starting around the 11:20 mark in the video:
“We’ve got a chance to make real change. This is like one of the first times ever where there’s a real chance to make real, tangible change that’s going to be for the good of everybody.”
We suppose using the military to round up Americans — not just the undocumented, but actual American citizens who will inevitably be caught up in Trump’s planned untargeted immigration sweeps, which he won’t care about because this isn’t actually about immigration, it’s about making America whiter — and pen them up in desert detention camps before deporting them, thereby wrecking their lives and those of their families and leaving their communities traumatized, would be a change of sorts. We’re not sure about the “good for everybody” part, but it will give Stephen Miller erections that can be seen from space, at least.
Though to be fair, Rogan said the change would be real and tangible. He said nothing about it being positive or humane.
And that wasn’t even the funny part that caught our eye:
“He’s got to unite people. He’s got to not attack the Left, not attack everybody [Ed. note: LOLLLLL] let them all talk their shit. But unite. Now it’s time to unite everybody.”
If Donald Trump was capable of “uniting” people, why the fuck hasn’t he done it in the previous nine years? Why didn’t he do it during his first term? Why did he just spend the entire campaign promising retribution against his enemies? Could he just not squeeze all that uniting in between commercial breaks on “Hannity”?
We’ll tell you why Trump doesn’t unite people, ya meathead: Because he doesn’t fucking want to.
What’s more, Rogan grunted out these suggestions immediately after he said this:
“Donald Trump as the messenger was so polarizing, the people lost what’s really going on just based on who this guy is, who has … just like Tony Hinchcliffe is an insult comic, Donald Trump’s entire career is ‘You’re fired, you’re a loser, Rosie O’Donnell’s a loser.’ Like, that’s his whole shtick, and you expect him to course correct once he gets into office? No, that’s not who he is.”
No kidding he’s not that guy! Had Joe Rogan at the 11:20 mark of his podcast not met Joe Rogan at the 10:20 mark of his podcast?
Dead, we are dead, we are dust, scatter our ashes in 1995, when we were young and Joe Rogan was like the eighth cast member listed in a pretty funny ensemble sitcom and the world seemed way, way less stupid.
There was also some stuff in there later on about how the media gaslit America by comparing him to Mussolini and Hitler, conveniently ignoring the fact that some of Trump’s closest aides from his first term have spent months telling the public, Please for the love of God don’t vote for Trump, he’s a fascist much like Mussolini and Hitler.
There are plenty of outrages ahead, and we do need to pace ourselves.
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AP: Frustrated Americans await the economic changes they voted for with Trump
You poor stupid bastards are never gonna see it coming.
So today I was very depressed. 1. I am a long term Fed working in housing policy. I feel like my service to America means nothing. Trying to make housing affordable means nothing to everyone who voted for Trump. They are people who are most impacted - working and middle class, younger people.
2. I've always encouraged my children to pick meaningful work serving people because I've had a good run in public service. I've completely fucked them. One is in public health and the other one health care. Mini cotugirl is in the middle of her masters program and can't stop thinking of wasted money.
3. My anger about items 1 and 2. I can't fucking wait for the leopards to eat their faces. Fuck each and everyone who voted for him. I hope your family is deported, you go broke, and live under a bridge. I hope you get the most painful disease and die slowly without health care. You're indecent horrible humans and deserve all the worst things. I hope eggs go to $20 a dozen. Fuck you fuck you.