Kandiss Taylor Once Again Being Relentlessly Pursued By Globes
Kandiss Taylor Once Again Being Relentlessly Pursued By Globes
Globes, globes, everywhere globes.
Earlier this year, Kandiss Taylor — of running for Georgia governor on a platform of “Jesus Guns Babies” fame — made quite a splash by claiming that NASA was conspiring with retail outlets, movies, television shows to put globes everywhere. To what end? Why, to “brainwash” people into believing that the Earth is not flat, of course.
Lots and lots of people made fun of her, and she still does not know why.
“I said that there were globes everywhere, there’s propaganda, but it’s the truth,” she said, ever so plaintively. “Do you know how many people that don’t believe in flat earth, they believe that we’re, you know, in a solar system, they reach out and they’re like ‘You know what, Kandiss? You’re right. I have been looking in stores and there are globes everywhere! Like there’s globe toys and globes in the decorations and you said that on your show and people thought you were crazy but it’s true! Why are they pushing the globes?’ And I said, ‘Well I think it’s because of NASA wanting to spend billions of dollars a month,’ but they try to say that I’m crazy because I said that.”
Who could imagine!
Having worked as a buyer myself, I personally love the idea of NASA’s PR team calling up HomeGoods in order to pressure them into buying more decorative globes, so as to ensure that NASA will continue to get billions of dollars of funding, because, as we all know, the people with the power to pull those strings are always on the hunt for decorative throw pillows. The kind of ironic thing is that I actually do keep seeing NASA t-shirts at Nordstrom Rack, which would make slightly more sense as a conspiracy than just “Hey, put some decorative globes out — people will for sure get the hint and connect a spherical planet to the amount of funding we should get!”
The idea that the buyers would be totally silent about this and never say a word about it to anyone is also quite incredible. I mean, it’s a decent income, but it’s not “keep NASA’s globe conspiracy secrets” money.
I will admit that I have seen a globe recently, when I went to World Market this past weekend for reasons of home decor, fancy imported soda and cheap wine that comes in a bottle shaped like a cat. Other than that, I really cannot think of the last time I saw a globe. I want to say that perhaps Kandiss Taylor spends too much time at World Market, but that would ruin World Market for me and then where would I buy My Melody-themed ramen and that English breakfast tea in the tins that look like trolleys?
I am glad, however, that Kandiss is getting so much validation on this, if only because I’d love to see her flesh this conspiracy out a little more. I feel like I need more details! Are the freemasons involved? What about Marina Abramović and Tom Hanks? Which department is involved in making this global globe push happen? Are they also the reason why 80 percent of sweaters right now are midriffs? Because if so, I could be on board with this cause.
PREVIOUSLY:
This a version of the general right-wing paranoia. They do not seem to believe that things "just happen," in this case things like Adam Smith's "invisible hand." There must be some "central committee" somewhere, wringing their hands in fiendish glee as they plot to flood the shelves of stores and posters of advertising with GLOBES. It can't just be markets, reflecting the fact that we live on a globe and it is important to us. It can't be the will of the people ensuring abortion rights in Ohio, it must be a cabal of demons. Everything is a PLOT.
All of a sudden I think I know how a kindergarten teacher feels after a bad day.
"Why (WHAH?) are we seeing globes everywhere?"
Up in Oregon, we call them "tits."