Keeping Up With The Kushners!
Jared Kushner's back, and we're all gonna be sorry.
Did you almost forget about Jared Kushner, kid from The Omen all grown up then dipped in grease, Trump’s son-in-law, and his (pardoned) felon dad Charles Kushner, now the Ambassador to France and Monaco?
Everyone has always treated Jared like a nepo baby idiot, including Steve Bannon and Jeffrey Epstein behind his back. Maybe it was how he went broke wildly overpaying for 666 Fifth Avenue right before the real estate market went tits up, and then in 2017 Trump blockaded Qatar until the Qataris agreed to bail him out. Or the time Jared said he could solve the Middle East conflict because he’d read 25 books on the subject, and bragged in his 2022 memoir, “I orchestrated some of the most significant breakthroughs in diplomacy in the last 50 years.”
And ouch, there was that February 2018 report in the Washington Post that the UAE, Israel, China, and Mexico had privately discussed how they could manipulate Kushner “by taking advantage of his complex business arrangements, financial difficulties and lack of foreign policy experience.” And “White House officials were concerned that Kushner was “naive and being tricked” in conversations with foreign officials and WhatsApp chats outside of official channels.
Behind the scenes, Jared has always been Trump’s very most special boy, and people in Trump’s inner circle have ignored or dismissed him at their peril! Spill the tea, former governor of New Jersey and 2024 GOP candidate Chris Christie:
Jared pounding Christie, try to unsee it! And the minute Trump left office, Jared got $2 billion in Bone Saw bucks from Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern countries for to make his own private equity firm, even though he had never run an investment fund before. One minute your buddies are stuffing cash in your pockets and patting you on the head and insisting you’ll know what to do with it, and then next minute, record scratch, you’re CEO of your very own private equity firm! What a lucky little leprechaun.
And over the next three-plus years, Kushner laid low and assured anyone who asked that he would have nothing to do with any Trump second term, to “pre-emptively try to avoid any conflicts.” No need for anybody to look any closer at that whole Affinity Partners conflict of int … LOOK OVER THERE, it’s Hunter Biden’s DONG!
But whaddaya know, that was a lie. In Trump 2.0, the Kush is in many ways even closer to Trump than his own children are. Eric is off doing the spa and crypto-grift, and he and Don Junior are taking meetings for real estate grift, and Ivanka is socialite-ing, but Trump’s got Jared, Steve Witkoff, and Marco Rubio frying up the really hot falafels. So much that he’s even tried to throw those three in the grease over his ongoing disaster in Iran!
But we all know one of those three is never going anywhere (unless Ivanka dumps him). And while Jared may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, he’s got his own charmed wiles. Now Affinity Partners’ kitty is up to $5 billion!
Donald J. Trump and Charles Kushner were both dirty slumlords who inherited their real estate portfolios from their daddies, but there are some key differences. Charles is more educated, with a law degree, vs. Trump’s BS in Economics (literally). And while Trump squandered and lost his father’s fortune, Charles more than doubled the size of his inheritance. And Charles is clearly more personally ruthless! As a nepo baby Trump may have learned from Fred how to fuck over little people financially, but you could not see Trump personally putting in the kind of effort and touch Charles did to screw a person over. Though Trump does work harder to keep his own hands clean, cover his tracks and stay one step ahead of accountability! A Trump-Kushner alliance handily fills in capabilities for both dynasties.
And now the New York Times is reporting that Jared has gone to Saudi Arabia, cup in hand, asking for $5 billion more for Affinity Partners. Some fucking nerve, after they already paid $1 BILLION to be a part of Trump’s scammy Board of Peace, and are now getting the shit bombed out of them by Iran!
Back in September, it was also Jared and Witkoff who met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to make that ceasefire peace that Israel did not respect for even 24 hours.
And in January, Jared hit up Davos, soliciting investors for a “New Gaza,” and he took a side trip with Steve Witkoff to Geneva to negotiate with Iran, too. Whatever was said, though, Iran did not pony up $1 billion to join the Board of Peace, and the rest is history. In the meantime, living Sim Jared and his investment partners also paid $55 BILLION for gaming company the Electronic Arts Corporation, in the largest private equity buyout in history. And Affinity Partners put in, then withdrew, funds for a hostile takeover bid for Warner Bros. Discovery.
What a busy beaver he’s been!
Daddy Charles has also been staying busy in his diplomatic job too. By not doing it! He’s now barred from access to French government officials after having been twice summoned to explain to the French foreign minister his comments blaming “violent radical leftism” for the beating death of a far-right activist, Quentin Deranque, and then both times he just didn’t show up.
Now everybody scream the line together, real loud!
BUTBUTBUT
HUNTER BIDEN’S DONG!!
[New York Times gift link / Washington Post gift link]
$55 BILLION for a gaming company?!
What the what?
Repost: Noted Saudi fleshlight, Jared Ku$hner, explained by Ms. Maddow -
https://bsky.app/profile/democratcats.bsky.social/post/3mhdtobbe5k2j