Lauren Boebert Demands Privacy For Public Wanger-Groping

Forced to answer questions for once, the House screecher doesn't do so well.

It’s sounding like the Colorado 4th Congressional District primary election is not going to be a happy ending for Lauren Opal Boebert!

The gropin’ granny switched from running in Colorado’s 3rd District to carpetbagging in the 4th, Colorado’s very reddest district, because God told her to, or maybe to get further away from her ex-husband Jayson, or maybe because all signs pointed to her losing what should have been a safe Republican seat, after she scraped by in 2022 by fewer than 600 votes. But perhaps God has a plot twist in mind, because polls are showing the pistol-packin high-school dropout trailing potential Democratic challenger Ike McCorkle 27 percent to 41 percent, with one-third of voters undecided, in a district Donald Trump won by 16 points in 2020.

Colorado’s primary is June 25, so Beetleboobs has been hitting multiple Republican debates with five other candidates — Sen. Jerry Sonnenberg, R-Sterling; Richard Holtorf, R-Akron; state Rep. Mike Lynch, R-Wellington; former talk radio host and nonprofit founder Deborah Flora; and business consultant Peter Yu — for a spot on that ballot. But last Friday night’s debate turned into a cringefest-gone-viral, with the debate moderator, 9News Denver’s Kyle Clark, not letting her get away with dodging questions using that whole “speak over the question loudly and change the subject” thing Republicans love to do so much.

Clark asked her about that time she went to Beetlejuice and vaped, groped her date’s boner and acted like a certified asshole to theater employees when they tried to remove her, then lied that it didn’t happen, and only apologized after footage got out. Things got awkward! 

The very classy transcript:

CLARK: But you want to talk about the theater thing?

BOEBERT: Uh sure. So Kyle I, I certainly have owned out, uh, I owned up to my night out in Denver. I’ve gone on that public apology tour, and I’m grateful for the mercy and grace that has been shown, but I’m not going to continue to live life in shame and be beat up by this.

Feeling shame? That would be a first. L-Bert sputtered and tried to go back to her legislative record, but moderator Kyle wasn’t having it.

CLARK: Did you apologize for lying to voters about what you did that night, and the disrespect you showed to service workers that night? What specifically were you apologizing for?

BOEBERT: I don’t believe there was disrespect, there were things that were absolutely taken out of context. 

CLARK: There’s video of your interactions with service workers.

BOEBERT: It’s been reported that I flipped service workers off and I did not. I’m apologizing for you, Kyle Clark getting footage and releasing that — people seeing this in a very private moment … you’ve said how disgusting it is to record someone without their knowledge.

HAHAHA, her private dick-grabbing moment in a theater with like a thousand people in it, including children! Won’t somebody please respect the privacy of the woman trying to ban abortion? Poor Lauren!

Clark also honed in on Boebert using the GOP’s trademark maneuver of voting against projects in Congress, then taking credit for the pork when it rolls in.

“You’ve repeatedly taken credit for projects in Colorado that you asked for funding for, but then you voted against the bill in the end. [He names some examples.] You’re able to vote no and get the praise for voting no, because you know that there are enough other Republicans willing to vote for those bills because they’ll pass. If you were the deciding vote, would you have voted no?”

After squawking and trying to dodge the question, she said that yes, she would have voted no on the very public works projects she’s been congratulating herself for.

When asked about electability, the perpetual victim blamed voters: “We did have a very close election but we also had 50,000 Republicans not show up to vote. Maybe because the voters were frustrated by other Republicans.”

Asked Kyle, incredulously, “You blame Republican voters for the fact that you nearly lost a safe seat, and not your own conduct?”

She got further grilled by creep Republican state Rep. Richard Holtorf, who’s previously complained that Boebert dresses “like a prostitute,” who’s called a colleague “Buckwheat,” and who is perhaps best known for claiming to be “pro-life” while financing a girlfriend’s abortion. He asked, “How many bills did you sponsor that were signed by the President of the United States?” Boebert admitted that the number is one.

It’s been a crappy year for Boebert, to be sure. She divorced Jayson and they got into a slapfight in a restaurant. Her son Tyler, the one who made her a grandma when he was 18, got arrested on 14 charges after breaking into cars on a wallet-stealing spree, while wearing his mom’s “Shooter’s Grill” sweatshirt. Highlights included stealing a cancer patient’s last $75, and charging gas, egg sandwiches and $717 at Shein. Junior was eventually identified with the help of an underage girl he had allegedly shared nudes of, whose friend Tyler tried to run over with a truck.

Tyler faces years in jail, but his parents, who make $175K and $400K a year, respectively, won’t help him pay for a lawyer, and his mommy has not bothered to show up with him to any court dates, though she skipped work to stand outside the lower Manhattan courthouse and say rah-rah words about how she’ll never stop fighting for convicted felon Donald J. Trump. 

Boobert’s Friday night was so bad that she skipped a debate Saturday night hosted at by the Republican Women of Weld and the Lincoln Club of Colorado. Rather incredibly, all four of her rivals bagged on her in her absence for saying that she wanted to overturn the 2020 election. How weirdly sane of them.

Tuff tittays, lady! She’s got Trump’s support in Trump’s district, she should be blowing this thing out of the water. Instead sounds like she’s darn close to turning a red seat blue. The Lord works in mysterious ways!