We said yesterday that Canada’s government wasn’t responding to Donald Trump’s dementia daycare playtime social media posts about renaming Great Lakes, but we guess that since Trump made one of his official (dickless) executive orders about it, Canadian PM Mark Carney felt the need to respond.
And oh boy, did he:
Fuck, that is a work of art. Gently explaining for morons why the lake is called what the lake is called. (Don’t tell Trump they’re all indigenous names except Superior. He and Stephen Miller will demand the other four be renamed The, White, Race, and Is.)
“We know that America is changing,” he says, in the most magically insulting tone. Tearing down all its alliances, squandering its standing in the world … and also its national monuments and “hydronyms.”
When Donald Trump teaches people a word, it’s because he just found out at age 80 that “dumb” has a “B” in it.
When Mark Carney teaches people a word, it’s “hydronym.”
So that is the stage of American history we are at right now.
Carney's not the only Canadian speaking up right now. Introduce yourself to Wab Kinew, the premier of Manitoba, and what he thinks about Trump’s attempted renaming of Lake Ontario:
“You know when like a rock band is really over the hill and you see them like in a casino playing a song from 50 years ago? I think that’s the part of Donald Trump’s presidency we’re at now. Like he thought he had a real hit, a real golden oldie with the Gulf of Mexico, and he’s tryin’ to bring back that, and he’s tryin’ to play the hits for his base, but I think everybody here thinks it’s a little sad and it’s not his best work.”
That is the most brutally Canadian way he could have said that. He’s just explaining the way things are, at the Tim Horton’s. Trump thought he had a real golden oldie, but it’s not his best work. Manitoba burn!
But also highly appropriate because:
That’s the dance that was popular last time Donald Trump’s synapses fired.
Back here stateside, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker also did a renaming yesterday:
Did you hear that Donald Trump the Senile Megalomaniac Diarrhea Clown also would like to rename the oceans? He “joked” about that during his press conference yesterday, where he thought he was doing a completely sick geopolitical move by drawing a dick on a map and hereby ordering a lake renamed.
“As you know, we took something called the Gulf of Mexico, we changed it, and now it’s very routinely the Gulf of America. So if you think about it, we have a gulf and we have a lake. Now all we need is an ocean. So maybe we’ll have to change the name of the Atlantic and or the Pacific. Maybe we’ll change them both.”
It’s not “very routinely” the Gulf of America. Not to anyone whose existence will be remembered. (Why does he speak like such a fucking illiterate pig? Seriously. He went to decent schools. Not even his moron followers speak so poorly.)
Indeed, it’s funny because long after God and the maggots alike have rejected Donald Trump’s bloated corpse, the Gulf of Mexico and Lake Ontario will be there, and people will call them the Gulf of Mexico and Lake Ontario, and the Kennedy Center will be the Kennedy Center, and either the Philly DA is right and people will gift each other paperweights made of pieces of the former Trump Trash Ballroom — it will be like a gag gift — or it’ll be repurposed into the world’s first freestanding Dolly Parton Imagination Library.
The only way Donald Trump’s name will be preserved after he’s gone is as a punchline.
This is funny in a different way, but darkly if you’re the United States. More just regular old funny if you are Canada or Europe. As we posted on Substack Note yesterday, “Five years from now, when Canada is for all practical purposes a full EU member state, they’ve basically replaced the US for trading and military purposes with Europe, Australia, Korea and Japan, and all the US’s brightest doctors, scientists, researchers, innovators and, yes, entrepreneurs have left for an ever-growing number of Somewhere Elses, that ‘Lake America’ thing Trump did is gonna look like a SUPER sick burn.”
Think we’re kidding? Read this piece from former Canadian radio personality and current Substack Canada explainer Dean Blundell on exactly what it could look like if/when Canada joins the EU — it might not be exactly what you’re thinking — and how far down that path Canada and Europe have quietly advanced. Hint: It really started at Davos at the beginning of this year. Remember that speech Carney gave?
“What If Canada Joined The EU?” is also a featured article in The New Yorker this week. This is not a fringe idea. Not anymore.
By the way, guess who’s speaking to European Parliament in September? Yep.
But hey, the president of the United States is making fetid ooze-dribbles out of his ancient orifices while he plays with Sharpies and maps, so that’s cool too.
[Fox News]
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
Subscribe to me on YouTube!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
And now I had to go and find more landform "nyms:"
toponym (the general classification of these, i.e. a proper noun of a specific place)
geonym (proper name for a geographical feature on Earth)
cosmonyms (features outside of earth)
oronym (for mountains and hills)
drymonym (forests)
insulonym (islands)
speelonym (caves)
There are also more specific classifications for other water bodies:
helonyms (swamps, marshes, bogs)
limnonyms (lakes and ponds)
oceanonyms (well you can guess this one)
pelagonyms (seas and bays)
potamonyms (rivers and streams)
Delightful!
Wikipedia has even more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toponymy
OT: Aaaand the Happy Hour article is done. I usually have these in the can by Thursday tops, but one of the other bartenders is having a fistfight with her landlord and I'm covering her shifts so she can find a moving company/lawyer/therapist. Dear God. I need booze. And it's 10 AM. This week... just, this week.