Markwayne Mullin Hiring Family And Flying On Government Bang Jets Like A Common Kristi Noem

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss ...

Scabrous dick weasel Markwayne Mullin was confirmed as Secretary of Homeland Security two months ago for exactly one reason: to make everyone forget the incompetence and grifting and fuck-plane-buying that marked the reign of the pustulent puppy murderer Kristi Noem. He was also possibly confirmed because his Senate colleagues couldn’t wait to get him out of the chamber so they wouldn’t have to see or hear him every day. Given his history of trying to start fistfights with hearing witnesses, who could blame them?

It could theoretically be disappointing to the Trump administration that old Two Names Mullin is now being accused of behavior similar to Noem’s. And no, we don’t mean banging Corey Lewandowski, so get that right out of your filthy minds.

What Mullin has been accused of doing that is similar is trying to hire a romantic partner to DHS with little to no obvious qualifications for the job. It’s just that that partner is his wife, Christie. Currently, Christie Mullin is the chair of rural policy at the America First Policy Institute, a think tank the Daily Mail hilariously describes as nonpartisan. Mullin seems to think that if his wife is on the DHS payroll, he wouldn’t have to pay for her plane tickets when she flies with him on DHS jets.

Mullin’s estimated net worth is around $60 million, just in case you were concerned that having to reimburse the government the cost of an Oklahoma-to-DC plane ticket occasionally was going to put his family in the poor house.

Mullin has also reportedly talked about bringing his wife on as a Special Government Employee, which would pay her around $65-70 an hour and limit her to working 130 days a year. This is the exact employment designation Noem gave Lewandowski when he came onboard with the exact same limit of working days, which the frying-pan-faced lothario flouted in all sorts of creative ways.

And boy, does Mullin like to fly. He may not be traveling around the world like Noem did, but he does use a $70 million DHS plane to fly home to Oklahoma almost every Thursday morning, and not fly back until Monday night:

“Mullin seems to think DHS requires less work than a senator, and it shows. Meanwhile, ICE has no direction,” one source told the Daily Mail.

Oh, they’re MAD mad at him. Other sources told the paper that Mullin has been “checked out” of the job since he took it a long two months ago. Another source said, dramatically, that Mullin was paying more attention to his wife than his job at the same time “ICE facilities are being overrun by leftist mobs,” presumably in the alternate dimension where this source lives.

And yes, we believe Mullin is flying home on Noem’s nookie jet, which we found out months ago cost $70 million. We keep laughing at the thought of dozens of reporters emailing the public affairs office at DHS to ask if they can confirm that.

Markwayne Mullin Gonna Be DHS's Daddy, Pop Some Butt!

Kristi Noem Leaving On A Sex Plane

Mullin did once stay in Washington for a Saturday night. That was the weekend of the White House Correspondents Dinner, and we all remember how that ended. Mullin went to a White House briefing right after the shooting. Then, in the aftermath of this assassination attempt, with questions unanswered about the gunman, his motives, whether he had help, and so on, the head of DHS ... got on his government jet and flew to Oklahoma to his wife and six kids.

Doesn’t that seem like the sort of crisis for which the DHS Secretary should not be working from home? We think the wife and kids would have understood if you had to miss church. What, did he look at Kash Patel and think, this investigation is in good hands?

Markwayne Mullin would have been a great DHS Secretary on a season of 24. Can’t you see him as the weaselly Cabinet member who secretly orchestrates a presidential assassination attempt in a convoluted plot to seize power? And JD Vance would make a great meek and insecure vice president the DHS Secretary can easily manipulate while he’s the one behind the curtain making decisions and pulling strings.

We could see it going down exactly like this except for one thing: Markwayne Mullin is nowhere near smart enough to pull off a convoluted plot to seize power. He’d probably somehow wind up stapling his tie to his desk instead.

And all of this is even before we mention the brilliant idea he revealed on Fox this week to reroute international flights to airports in only red cities to punish blue cities for being sanctuary cities. So congrats to anyone in Japan who has always wanted to hop a direct flight to Boise instead of Seattle.

Evan already explained the reasons why this is an idea so dumb, so unworkable, so politically and economically bone-headed that we can’t believe someone thought it up and then spoke those thoughts out loud.

White House sources keep telling the media that Trump has no plans to put this idea in motion, that it is mostly one way of Mullin sucking up to Trump by looking like an ideas guy. Which is what they always say, right before Trump announces a plan to do something extremely stupid.

[Daily Mail]

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