Miami GOP Mayor Francis Suarez Continuing Presidential Run On 'Can't Jail Me' Platform

Worth a shot!

We’d almost forgotten that Miami’s Republican Mayor Francis Suarez was running for president. It’s not that we’re scatterbrained. It’s just that Suarez hasn’t done much of anything since declaring his doomed candidacy last month. We all know he’s not going to win, but we thought he’d at least try. I’m disappointed, is what I’m saying.

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A few weeks ago, a super PAC supporting Suarez launched an artificial intelligence chatbot to answer questions for him. That was impressively audacious, considering that Miami mayor is mostly a part-time job. Superman once had robots filling in for him (even dating Lois Lane in his absence), but he was a legitimately busy guy.

From NBC News:

"Hi, I'm AI Francis Suarez," the bot says to introduce itself, its mouth moving in a way that's not quite human. "You've probably heard that my namesake, conservative Miami Mayor Francis Suarez, is running for president. I'm here to answer questions you may have about Mayor Suarez's proven agenda for economic prosperity, cutting spending and supporting our police. So, how can I help?"

I gotta say that despite the AI Suarez’s “mouth moving in a way that’s not quite human,” it still seems more personable than Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.

The AI Suarez is actually smarter than the faulty human version, as it gave a more coherent answer to a question about the Uyghurs, a Turkic ethnic group in China.

The AI Suarez also coolly mocks Florida’s governor as a neat dodge against answering directly if the real Suarez would support Donald Trump as the (inevitable) Republican nominee. The bot morphs into “AI Ron DeSantis” and observes that while Suarez focused on "saving America's economy, supporting our police officers,” Ron DeSantis is obsessed with what he believes is “the single greatest threat to American families today … Mickey Mouse, yes Mickey Mouse — run for your lives!”

Just when you fear that Americans can never agree on anything, it seems as if we’re all united in the belief that Ron DeSantis is a doofus.

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The real Francis Suarez, however, is contending with some legal issues. The Campaign Legal Center, a non-partisan watchdog organization, filed a complaint Tuesday accusing PassionForest LLC, an online artificial flower vendor, of funneling $500,000 to SOS America, the less-than-inspiring name of a Super PAC supporting Suarez.

The Miami Herald reports:

Incorporated in Delaware in November 2021, PassionForest has no online presence other than an Amazon storefront listing a Chinese business address, which operated for only 11 months before making its one major political contribution, according to the complaint.

“The available information supports the conclusion that PassionForest could not have generated sufficient income from real property holdings, assets, investment earnings, business revenues, or bona fide capital investments to make a $500,000 contribution,” the complaint alleged.

While “straw donor” might remind you of old-fashioned hay rides with Daisy Mae, this is actually quite illegal. Federal regulations prohibit the use of straw donors and require that you disclose the actual source behind any political contribution. Violations are subject to civil fines and prohibitions on campaign activity, not that there’s been that much campaign activity from Suarez. Dinesh D’Souza went to sleep-away jail.

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There’s also compelling evidence that PassionForest is actually based in China, which would make it a “foreign national.” Federal law bans donations from foreign nationals. According to a 2021 trademark application, the owner of PassionForest LLC is Rao Juhui, whose business address is Guangzhou, China. Even the associated Amazon account is based in China. This all seems very Chinese.

SOS America responded to the Herald’s report with typical Republican whining: “No surprise liberal special interest groups and their allies are lobbing political attacks that are intended to undercut the only Hispanic Republican candidate ... This is nothing more than a political attack and it will be seen for what it is.”

One thing’s for sure: AI Suarez would never be involved in something like this.

[CBS News / Miami Herald / Bloomberg]

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