Mike Johnson: Trump Appointed By God, Just Like Old Timey Kings!
The 'God Emperor' thing has really gone to their heads.
Once upon a time, there were many monarchs who believed that their right to rule their nations came not from those from whom they inherited or stole the crown, but rather from God himself, and they could therefore do whatever the hell they wanted. Henry VIII was, clearly, a pretty big fan of this one, because he didn’t want the pope telling him he couldn’t divorce Catherine of Aragon to marry Anne Boleyn. James VI and and his son Charles I were both vehement believers in it, which, to put it lightly, did not go over so well with parliament.
It hasn’t been an especially popular belief, however, over the last few hundred years, though it seems our Christian Nationalist Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is looking to bring it back.
Speaking to the press yesterday, Speaker Johnson talked about his (and Trump’s) belief that Trump was more or less appointed President by God.
“Democrats spent years persecuting him on all fronts. Social media platforms removed his ability to communicate with his supporters, armed FBI agents raided his home, Democrat judges and prosecutors bent the law to arrest him, and multiple assassins tried to kill him,” Johnson said, adding, “God miraculously saved the president's life -- I think it's undeniable -- and he did it for an obvious purpose. His presidency and his life are the fruits of divine providence. He points that out all the time and he's right to do so.”
So he’s basically Jesus, now. And to think! Most of that never would have even happened if he hadn’t been removed from those platforms for inciting people to overthrow the government for him, if he hadn’t kept piles of sensitive stolen US government documents in his bathroom, and perhaps most importantly, if he hadn’t raped anyone — the judge clarified that yes, he was found liable for rape in any sensible sense of the word — or committed 34 felonies.
The context of this near-Biblical story of “divine providence” was a defense of Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill — which, much like “divine right” allowed those kings of old to ignore checks on their power from parliament, more or less allows Trump and other government officials to ignore checks on their power from the judiciary branch. (Or Trump and others sure think it does.)
Johnson went on to claim that that God Emperor Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill would help people “save thousands of dollars,” though he does not mention how or why this will actually happen. Unless these people are already quite wealthy — which it seems the constituents he spoke to are not — saving “thousands” is a bit of a stretch.
“Every citizen in every zip code in every pocket of America will benefit from the One Big Beautiful Bill. You'll hear story after story in the weeks ahead. Last week, my office sent a survey to our constituents. I serve Louisiana's fourth congressional district. And we sent around a survey to Louisiana families, knowing that they're going to save thousands of dollars now because of the vote that we took on July 3. We asked them, how would you use the extra money? And here's some of the responses: James said he's going to use the savings to open a Roth IRA for his family. Janice is an 80-year-old widow, she said she's going to use the savings for much needed repairs to her home. Whitney is in a retirement home; she's going to utilize the savings to help pay rent. Pamela is grateful for the increased standard deduction and will likely add these savings to a rainy-day fund for future expenses. Another constituent named James said he doesn't even want the relief. He said he’d like to send it back to us to ‘use for more plane tickets for people heading back south of the border wall.’ That's a real response.”
What a selfless gesture, James!
Of course, some of those people might want to hold onto that money in case of a medical emergency. Louisiana is about to lose $35 billion in Medicaid funding, which will not only affect the 200,000 Louisianans who use Medicaid for healthcare (who won’t be “saving thousands”) and are likely to lose it over the next decade, or the people who work in healthcare who will be losing their jobs, but also the 30 percent of Louisiana residents who live in rural areas where the closest hospitals rely on Medicaid funds to stay open. Even if God saves their lives as he did Trump’s, he can’t save them money on the very long ambulance rides or save their credit rating when it’s decimated by medical debt, which can now be included in credit reports.
But hey! The important thing here is that this is what God wants. God saved Trump from being assassinated so that he could go on to cut Medicaid and SNAP and to give massive tax breaks to the wealthy, just as Jesus would have done.
After all, if people believe it’s God’s will that they and their family starve or die of treatable illnesses, maybe they won’t complain so much.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
Yeah, it's not a cult or anything. Also, God preserved our savior Trump from that would-be-assassin's bullet, but definitely wanted to fuck that other guy that was in the crowd right up and killed him real good? Geeze God, that was a dick move.
Does he know that this means, since you can't take the crown from the head, you take the head from the body?