Natalie Harp Wrote Trump Love Letters, They Are Very Long And Gross

Let’s shorten those babies up a bit. She’ll thank us later.

Aug 21, 2026

The saga of Donald Trump and Natalie Harp has taken another weird turn. We bet you didn’t see that coming! Actually, you probably did. Because where anything Trump-related is concerned, it can always get weirder.

The latest “What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin’ on here” moment came about Thursday evening, when Michael Wolff released two letters Hart wrote to Trump that had come into the journalist’s possession. Excerpts from these letters had dribbled out before, particularly in the rush of news stories over the past week. The quotes are usually accompanied by anonymous Trump sycophants, who are not known for their subtlety, telling reporters that even they were squicked out by Harp’s obsequiousness and remora-like attachment to the president.

This was the first time the public got a full look at the letters, which came into Wolff’s possession while he was writing his last book about Trump, All or Nothing, which was released 18 months ago. The letters were apparently written after Harp accompanied Trump on a trip to his golf courses in Scotland and Ireland in May 2023. And hoo boy, they are something else.

Dear Mr. President, I'm sorry. I thought I was the only one left behind last night, and had not idea Margo's car was also pulled over, and sent back to the Airport. Since I was alone in the van outside Customs without my passport, I panicked, and should have just called Secret Service instead of you. I also am sorry if I was an embarrassment walking the course in Scotland. The first day I was told there were no carts, and people walked, which is why I walked. The second day, I was specifically asked by, I forget who his name was, but one of the main people who worked there, if I could continue walking, and tell any other girls who would head out there to do the same to spare the Course any more Carts. If there is anything else I have done to cause you trouble, please forgive me. I know that some people have said I haven't been texting them back, and there have been some International cell issues (John was having technical issues on the Plane too, so asked me to help him out). I want things to always be right between us. I also know I've been distracted all week (forgetting to eat throughout the days, and even forgetting to sleep, and only catching a couple hours at a time). I haven't been myself, dwelling on the Past, and the pain of losing my Dad, and I started letting the remarks of people who haven't bothered me before, get to me-not because I care what others think, but because I see myself being lowered in your eyes and good opinion. That is the fear you see, because I never want to bring you anything but joy. I'm sorry I lost my focus. You are all that matters to me. I don't want to ever let you down. Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life That's what I wanted to use this card for, when you saw me at the Cash Register, and once again did what you didn't have to do, and gifted me with Mementos of this Trip of a Lifetime, a Coming of Age. I will return a better person. I have to sign off now, as the cars are leaving. See you soon. With all my heart, Natalie

Man. Even Kim Jong-un, who has been known to write what Trump has called “love letters” that flatter the hell out of him, would probably advice Harp to tone it down, she doesn’t want to be too obvious.

We see why Wolff called these “red flag letters,” and why they reportedly alarmed the Secret Service and Trump’s staff. If Trump had pets, we would be concerned for their safety.

But what really struck us was the idea of Trump reading these packed walls of text. The man famously has the attention span of a poodle with a traumatic brain injury. His staff has reportedly learned to present briefings to him in bullet points, with lots of color pictures and mentions of his name, because adding those elements is the only way to get him interested. And here Natalie Harp is, writing with all the density, pathos, and melodrama of a Nabokov novel.

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These letters can and must be shortened up if Natalie Harp wants Donald Trump to read them. Frankly, we’re surprised he didn’t tear these up and eat the paper. Though given her creepy vibes, maybe she hoped he would, so that her words could be a part of him forever. Or at least until his next poop.

Anyway, Natalie, we’re service journalists and we’re here to help:

Dear President TRUMP,
Sorry, President TRUMP, for my poor etiquette in Scotland.
Won’t waste your time with explanations.
With all you do to make the world better, your time is the most precious and valuable commodity on Earth.
I beg your forgiveness, President TRUMP.
I’ve been distracted.
I’m so devoted to you that I forget to eat and sleep.
Also, my Dad died, but that isn’t important.
I want to bring you joy, President TRUMP!
Worried you have low opinion of me.
Only you matter to me.
Don’t want to let you down.
Trip of a Lifetime!
Loved the gifts
It made me a better person, President TRUMP.
With all my heart,
Natalie

See? Concise, to the point, doesn’t waste any time seeking empathy from the notorious narcissist for whom other people barely exist. Whatever you did or didn’t do on the golf course is only relevant to the extent that you promise not to do it again. No need to rehash the details, which probably fled the president’s dementia-addled brain a minute after they happened.

Now, let’s take a look at the second letter:

Dear Mr. President, Now this is the Note I wanted to write (But the apology needed to come first.) I have learned so much about myself on this Trip-I always knew coming home to my roots would be enlightening, but I had no idea how much. For the first time, in I don't know how long, you forced me to "unplug." We could be out on the Course, with no machines, and even forget what time it was! I didn't have to be "Human Printer." I could take time to enjoy good conversation, and still get all my work done at the end of the day. In fact, I even had time to take long morning and evening walks to enjoy each Sunrise and Sunset (though I did forget to eat and sleep!). With so much thinking time, I confess it did have a slightly negative effect at times, that I know you picked up on, but the end result, I believe, will be worth it. I had no idea how rapidly I was approaching burnout, and starting to envy those whose only "job" seems to be to talk with you, and look pretty. I want that job!! So many times, I'm just trying to stay afloat with all that's coming in for you, I look like a hunchback who didn't have time to freshen up (at least you know what I should look like)! Plus, I miss the days when you used to call, during my Talkshow days, and we'd talk about everything and nothing. I want to get back to that synergy. We shouldn't have to talk about work all the time!! I've always felt like an in-betweener, somewhere between Staff and those you enjoy talking to on the Plane or at Dinner, because that's who I used to be to you when I was a "Talkshow Host" (as much as I hated that actual job!). I wish I could hear every conversation, because that's when you're having a good time, getting away from it all, at least for a few moments. But after going through all this self-analysis, my conclusion? I need to reunite my past self with my current into a better version who will make you proud. And please, when I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more. Thank you for always being there for me-I'll never forget when you made that promise to me after losing my Dad, and I know how happy he is right now that I did get to go to Scotland and Ireland, as he always wanted for me. To modify a classic, "I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy"-And, I will add, it is I who is unworthy. Always, Natalie

Good lord, woman! Again with all the nitty-gritty! Donald Trump is President of the United States, he doesn’t have time for all that! Also he doesn’t give a tinned shit, which is something you seem to not recognize. So, again, let us help:

Dear President TRUMP,
Hope you liked my apology.
Trip was fantastic!
I learned a lot about myself
Especially, ESPECIALLY enjoyed my time with President TRUMP.
Jealous of more important people, which is a “me” problem I’m working on.
Miss our old dynamic, President TRUMP.
Remember my Talkshow days?
All the talking we used to get to do.
Grateful when you get breaks from your chaotic life.
Must be better
Love you telling me when I fail, President TRUMP.
Curse at me all you want
I know you do it because you care about me more than anyone else, President TRUMP.
Thank you again for the amazing trip
Thank you again for being super-awesome.
I am unworthy of you, President TRUMP.
P.S. I will never let you see my disgusting (but healing, but I know they disgust you) hands again
With all the love in my heart,
Natalie

See? Why use 500 words when you can use 147? There is still plenty of sucking up to Trump without the added details about who said what to whom about available golf carts and cellphone reception. He doesn’t care about that stuff. All he cares about is the dopamine hit he gets from your everlasting devotion.

Also, good job taking his mind off his gross and diseased hands by telling him you’re the one with the gross and diseased hands. If that doesn’t convince him of your everlasting devotion, we don’t know what will.

Who wants to believe these are the only letters Natalie Harp has ever sent Trump in her years of devoted service? There could absolutely be more that will leak out. Like we said, it can always get weirder.

[Daily Beast archive link]

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AN ATTACK ON NATALIE IS AN ATTACK ON ALL PUBLIC SERVANTS

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