No Good Vibrations For Bob Good See What We Did There

Freedom Caucus Chair fixing to lose his primary in VA after losing Trump endorsement.

Bob Good, furiously asskissing at Trump’s trial in New York

Few Trump ass-kissers have puckered quite as vigorously as insurrectionist Bob Good, who reps VA’s Fifth Congressional District in the House. But likely not for much longer!

If you forgot about Bob, he is head of the House Freedom Caucus, and voted to overturn the 2020 election even after the January 6 insurrection. When Herr VonShitzinpants was on trial in New York, Bob used his constituents’ bucks to play hooky from work to help Trump violate his gag order, regurgitating lies about Justice Juan Merchan’s daughter making a million gazillion dollars and CROOKED RIGGED SHAM TRIAL.

Fat lotta good it did him! Bob made the unforgivable choice to endorse Rhonda Sandtits back in the primary, which got him a flamethrower in the face of Trump’s wrath. After ol’ kinky boots dropped out, Bob rushed back to endorse Trump again as fast as his little Tweetin’ fingers could carry him, but hell hath no fury like a Trump scorned. None of Bob’s frenetic buttkissery or tongue-callousing levels of bootlickery would ever prove enough to get him back in the sunshine of Trump’s love.

“Bob Good is BAD FOR VIRGINIA, AND BAD FOR THE USA!” Trump griped on his failing website. “He turned his back on our incredible Movement, and was constantly attacking and fighting me until recently, when he gave me a warm and ‘loving’ Endorsement — But really, it was too late! The damage had been done.” Trump is very sensitive!

The thin-skinned felon switched his endorsement to Virginia state Sen. John McGuire III, bitching in a video to Virginia voters that Good “will stab you in the back sort of like he did with me.” And now after Tuesday’s primary Bob is teetering on the verge of being the first Republican incumbent to lose their race this cycle (not counting two incumbents facing off against each other after a redistricting), trailing McGuire by 327 votes as of Thursday morning. 

Good also pissed off other Republicans and his fellow Freedom Caucus members by voting last October to oust Kevin McCarthy. “This is the Kevin McCarthy revenge tour,” Good fumed to NBC News last Friday at an event in Goochland, Virginia (tee hee, Goochland), while Marge Taylor Greene dragged Bob to reporters in another corner of the parking lot. “We need loyalists,” she fumed. Bob “kicked Trump when he was down, and went and endorsed another candidate.”

With the margin so slim, Bob can request a state-funded recount, and it could potentially be months before there’s a victor in the primary. Two “stop the stealers” complaining about being stollen from, that sounds fun! The winner will go against Democrat Gloria Witt, though it’s a seat where Republicans have an 8.5-point advantage. But won’t it be fun to watch them tear each other apart in the meantime? 

[New York Times/ The Hill]