Nobody Knows The Troubles Andrew Tate Has Seen, Nobody Knows His Sorrow
Except whoever is running his social media for him right now.
As Andrew and Tristan Tate celebrated their one-week anniversary in a federal detention center today, lawyers representing the professional misogynists, self-admitted woman-beaters and alleged distributors of child sexual assault materials appeared in a Miami court on Monday in order to have a little chat with the Crown Prosecution Service about the 59 charges brought against them.
Few details have been released yet, beyond the fact that the brothers were not in attendance, but we do know that their lawyers are saying that this whole extradition thing could take up to a year to process. Will they be in a detention center that whole time?
Well, not if their biggest supporter has anything to say about it.
Incredibly, despite being in the SHU (special housing unit, AKA solitary confinement), Andrew Tate has had access to Twitter so that he can complain about his cannibal neighbor and also about how he has been deprived of contact with the outside world.
Is this cannibal related to Kristi Noem’s imaginary cannibal who was so desperate for the taste of human flesh that he started eating himself on his deportation flight? I’d like to think so. Although, you know, there’s no actual record of any cannibals in the Miami Federal Detention Center and most people convicted of crimes related to that (cannibalism is not its own specific crime) tend to end up in psychiatric hospitals, not federal detention centers. Also, we usually know about them, since “eating people” tends to be news even if someone is only talking about it in a cannibalism chat room.
In addition to the alleged cannibal problem, Tate has also complained about his lack of access to potable drinking water, which is a thing all of us crazy leftists have been shouting about for years without needing to experience it for ourselves personally.
He seems to be under the impression that being an American citizen entitles him to decent treatment and drinking water in prison, and while we wish that were true, his political allies have repeatedly assured us all that it either it is not true or that we are lying about the prison conditions because of how much we love crime. They say prison — including jail and other detention facilities for people who have not yet been convicted of anything — is meant to be horrible. So we will all be pardoned for not getting too het up about one of them falling victim to it.
Tate has also been whining a lot about how he, a dual citizen, is an American citizen, claiming that our longtime ally and the other nation of which he is a citizen, the United Kingdom, is a “hostile foreign state.”
He tweeted, on Monday:
There is no question of my innocence, especially amongst the British public, who have lost all faith in their judicial system and sent me thousands of letters.
There is no question the UK hates me, that there is a political persecution, as the Prime Minister Keir Starmer himself has said that
“This is personal”
The only questions that remain are:
Why is an American citizen in an American maximum security prison on behest of a hostile foreign state?
After Assange and Trump, both of which suffered the same, why are ancient MeToo allegations so against politically influential people taken seriously? Especially when they only appear once convenient.
Will the American government betray an American citizen?
This actually isn’t all that hard!
Because that is how an extradition request works, and an ally doesn’t actually become a hostile foreign state just because they’re hurting the feelings of a reported friend of the president’s kid’s by prosecuting him for rape.
Generally because once one person comes forward, others are inspired to do the same. It is also not outside the realm of possibility that bragging about abusing women might trigger something in women one might have previously abused.
On Thursday, when asked if the brothers could expect any help from the White House, spokesperson Karoline Leavitt said “No.” That’s saying a lot given how desperate the Trump administration has been to pivot away from their other scandals. It’s almost as if they think it might be a bad idea, now, to be seen as being pals with sex traffickers.
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However, at least one Democratic member of Congress, Rep. Yassamin Ansari of Arizona, believes that Barron Trump ought to be brought before Congress to testify about his relationship with the Tates, given that it was reportedly his idea for the administration to assist them in coming over here.
Because regardless of whether or not they want to be associated with him now, they already are. The Trump administration has been more than happy to be associated with Andrew Tate before this and to accept his support, regardless of the many, many accusations of sexual assault, physical assault, sex trafficking and general douchebaggery against him, to the point where they actually helped him come over, where he could theoretically do those things to American women. They should be held responsible for that.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
Did it ever occur to him that maybe Mr. Cannibal is screaming because dipshit here is *his* neighbor?
The new post is up, you can move over for OT.