Oklahoma Republican Gonna Get Those Litter-Box-Using Furry Kids Out Of Schools, Using Animal Control
State legislatures: The Labradors of Democracy.
OK (this is in itself a joke), before we get too het up about this absolutely stupid Republican bill aimed at banning Oklahoma schools from allowing students to be furries, let’s keep in mind this oracular lede from The Oklahoman, aimed at putting the stupid into at least a little bit of context:
Before the 2024 Oklahoma legislative sessions begin, thousands of bills will be filed and most will never come close to becoming law.
That’s from a straight news story, not an editorial, either. But yeah, there really is a pre-filed bill, HB 3084, from state Rep. Justin Humphrey that would crack down on the supposed blight of anthropomorphic animal antics by kids who insist, like Oswald Cobblepot, “I am not a human being! I am an animal!” In fact, not only would such terrible troublemakers be sent home, if their parents didn’t come and get them, they’d be removed from school by “animal control services.” Ha-ha, take that, libs!
We’ll grant Humphrey this much: The bill text doesn’t waste a lot of time beating around the bush, or whatever environment a student furry might find most comfortable:
Students who purport to be an imaginary animal or animal species, or who engage in anthropomorphic behavior commonly referred to as furries at school[,] shall not be allowed to participate in school curriculum or activities. The parent or guardian of a student in violation of this section shall pick the student up from the school, or animal control services shall be contacted to remove the student.
We were hoping that maybe we’d find some comment on the bill from Rep. Humphrey, who seems to enjoy cosplaying as a cowboy, howdy, howdy, howdy. But if he’s made any public comments on why he believes this bill is necessary, we can’t find it in any of the brief articles on the bill.
Rep. Humphrey does have a rather colorful wingnut history, having previously co-sponsored a bill to require men’s permission for women to have abortions, explaining that womenfolk are merely the “hosts” for fetuses, who are the only people who matter:
“I believe one of the breakdowns in our society is that we have excluded the man out of all of these types of decisions. I understand that they feel like that is their body. I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant. So that’s where I’m at. I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.”
Humphrey has also compared Black Lives Matter to the KKK and called for the removal of any state elected official who “supports Hamas,” although it’s not entirely clear what he means by that. More to the point of the anti-furry bill, Humphrey in 2021 cosponsored a bill banning transgender athletes from women’s sports, and declared in an emailed reply to a constituent who asked him to vote no, “I never mind helping to educate the uninformed […] transgender people have a mental illness.”
Then of course he doubled down, telling the Associated Press,
“I don’t have any problem backing up what I said. […] If you’re a male, you’re a male to the core. This is science and logic, and science and logic are on my side.”
As far as we can tell, however, Humphrey hadn’t prior to now joined the ranks of dumb Republicans who for like two years now have insisted that the whole transgender thing has gotten so completely out of hand that schools are indulging “furry” kids in schools who say they identify as cats and demand to use a litterbox, Oh, woe to the Republic.
But now he’s prefiled his idiotic bill that isn’t likely to go any farther than all the mockery it’s getting this week, even though the litter box myth keeps getting debunked and debunked and there has never not once ever been a real case of a child in an American school insisting to be treated as a kitty cat or puppy dog or snot otter, much less a school providing a litter box for a child to poo in.
What there is, and this is no longer “funny,” if “clowning on supposed trans kids” ever was (it wasn’t), is buckets of kitty litter in some classrooms in case children have to remain in there for an extended period while they’re hiding from an active shooter.
Oh hilarity.
Then again, “things that don’t exist” doesn’t seem to be any bar to Republicans trying to legislate against them. And for Humphrey, that goes double since in 2021 he sponsored a bill to sell Bigfoot hunting licenses in Oklahoma, yes really, the end.
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[Oklahoman / AP / DailyKos / Oklahoma HB 3084, 2024]
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The parent or guardian of a student in violation of this section shall pick the student up from the school, or animal control services shall be contacted to remove the student.
They’re furries. They are identifying as animals. This would be the absolute pinnacle of success for a furry to be taken away in an animal control van. That kid would be made a furry hero.
This is like putting someone in shackles for liking S&M.
𝗜 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆. 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 — 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀, 𝗶𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗮 ‘𝗵𝗼𝘀𝘁.’
So they're just coming right out with it now, huh.
Also, I "feel like" it's my body? I ... I ... I ...