Pentagon Bans Outside Photographers Because Pete Hegseth Ugly
Didn't notice that until yesterday, huh?
New most embarrassing thing about Pete Hegseth just dropped, you ready?
It is in the Prissy Pete category, like his special makeup studio where he goes to apply just the exact right amount of whatever to make himself look like a MANLY Prissy Pete.
This is better than that, though.
Remember how a few months back, Pete queened out and kicked out all the real journalists in the Pentagon and replaced them with ball-licking sycophants? Well, some photographers insufficiently committed to Hegseth’s delicate sensibilities and image-conscious insecurities got back in for the first Iran briefing, and they took pictures that made Manly Prissy looked not his manly prissy best!
Now, those photographers who took the “unflattering” pictures have been banned, and off with their heads! What is wrong with these peasants, did they not get the memo about which cheek the Diva Of Defense considers his good side?
The Washington Post still has some journalism happening in the building:
The Defense Department has barred press photographers from briefings on the ongoing U.S.-Israeli military conflict with Iran after they published photos of Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth that his staff deemed “unflattering,” according to two people familiar with the decision who spoke on the condition of anonymity out of fear of retaliation.
On the condition of anonymity, so that the public may know about The Princess And The Pete’s latest temper tantrum.
Amazing.
It’s all about the March 2 briefing. (That would be two days after the February 28 US strike on the Iranian girls’ school, where Hegseth and Donald Trump killed a bunch of little girls because, turns out, they were targeting based on 10-year-old data. That’s according to the military’s own investigation.)
The picture in question: above, taken by the AP’s Mark Schiefelbein. (The Post notes that it’s actually not entirely clear whether it was just that one pic, or all the pics from that day, which upset Drunky Smurf so much.)
Pete Hegseth? Looks like Pete Hegseth. He’s not a particularly good-looking man. It’s no worse than any other time old Secretary Shitfaced graces a camera with his presence. In fact, it’s considerably better than any of the screenshots Wonkette has ever published of him.
For context’s sake, here is Wonkette’s chosen screengrab of Hegseth from the same briefing:
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, Wonkette is a quality website.
Of course, in the Post story there is a blah blah statement from a Pentagon spox not exactly denying the reporting, but trying to huff and puff in another direction, pretending it’s about space in the Pentagon briefing room. Bullshit.
As if anybody cannot see what happened here.
Little Lord Hegseth, the softest WAR SECRETARY OF WARFIGHTERS in the whole entire history of WAR SECRETARIES OF WARFIGHTERS, saw his picture in the newspaper and it sent him into one of his spells.
UUUUUUGHHHH! Can they PUH-LEEZE ask him before posting pictures on Instagram or like at least do a filter or something? God!
Now where’s that makeup boy? Daddy Warfighter needs a touchup. Makeup boy! OH, MAKEUP BOY!
Or something like that.
As the Post notes, after Donald Trump started bombing Iran for no discernible reason, an agreement was made to let some of the (real) journalists they banned a few months ago back in, after the Pentagon asked for a camera from the major (real) networks during these briefings. But that lasted one whole day, apparently. For subsequent Iran briefings, they have only let in DoD photographers.
We guess they’re the only ones who do it like Pete likes it.
Which, serious talk? Is some fascist bullshit.
Remember all the drama over those pictures of the entire Trump Cabinet from that Vanity Fair profile of Susie Wiles, how they all looked super ugly because the photographer Christopher Anderson captured the evil in their souls and the rotting decomposition of their bodies, and because photojournalists have an ethical responsibility not to touch things up to make things more flattering for their subjects, because fuck you is why? (Read Anderson’s interview about the photo shoot if you haven’t.)
This is what these sons of bitches are concerned about.
You’d think they might be more concerned about the fact that we have a stupid Defense secretary who’s so low-ranking, inexperienced and mentally deranged that he really apparently had no idea how violently Iran might respond to being attacked. That his stupid fucking boss and the regime’s stupid fucking advisers, and a stupid fucking Energy secretary named Christopher Wright, were totally blindsided by Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz. (Anybody with the most basic knowledge of that part of the world could have told you that one!)
You’d think they might be concerned that Trump is out there babbling that in Iran, “they have a new leader every three weeks, every three days.” Huh? He’s so incoherent he doesn’t even know what he’s lying about from sentence to sentence.
You’d think they might be worried that all of Trump’s and Pete Hegseth’s little-girl-killing and all their tough guy bullshit has led to a situation where Trump’s own intel services have assessed that the Iranian regime is nowhere close to collapsing. That they literally had no understanding of what the Iranian regime even is.
You’d think they might be concerned that President Dementia Trash is calling this war of choice a “little excursion,” as if “little excursions” murder seven of our troops (that we know of, so far) and injure and mangle many more.
You’d think they might be desperate to figure out who to fire, who to hold responsible for the fact that they killed all those little girls based on outdated 10-year-old information.
Instead we have headlines like these (ProPublica and MS NOW, respectively):
The U.S. Built a Blueprint to Avoid Civilian War Casualties. Trump Officials Scrapped It.
Kash Patel’s latest firings ousted agents with expertise in Iran
Instead, what are the secretary of Defense and the dick-fluffers around him worried about?
They’re worried Americans and the world might find out that the most vain, prissy, high-maintenance Defense secretary in the history of this or any other country, the most unqualified, the one with the deepest and most pathetic masculine insecurities, is not actually very pretty.
Uh well spoiler, guys: Everybody knows.
Everybody can see that he cakes his makeup on like he’s rolling into Fox & Friends Weekend still drunk from the club, the way he reportedly used to do.
Everybody can see that no matter how much makeup he puts on, he’s got ugly unsightly bumps on his face that suggest that he had bad skin even before booze took its toll.
Everybody can see how low-class he looks wearing his big boy dress shirts and dress pants with the sleeves rolled up, with his white supremacist tattoos hanging out, revealing the truth that clothes very much do not make the man.
Everybody can see his gross chosen hairstyle that makes him look like the aftermath of an oil spill, the kind that leaves baby seabirds paralyzed on the beach. How he looks like an unbathed slob. How he looks like he smells like stale cigar smoke and the whiskey of a month full of weekends. We’re talking about a man who used to brag about how he didn’t wash his hands.
Everybody can see how rapidly he’s aging, as from some angles he’s starting to look more and more like the latest septuagenarian Southern Baptist minister to be caught in a kid-touching scandal.
Everybody can see in his angry sneers and scowls how he simultaneously looks like the cycle of abuse, stranger danger, and the reason for women to cover their drinks and use the buddy system when they’re walking at night, all wrapped up in one human form.
Those angry sneers and scowls, boy howdy. They show the camera the blackness of his soul, how there’s no good on the outside or the inside.
Look at him:
It’s comically easy to get a screengrab of Pete Hegseth looking like microwaved shit, because that’s what he is.
Here’s the thing, though: Everything that makes Hegseth so butt-ugly is of his own making, a result of his own poor choices and failings as a man.
Because the other thing that everybody can see is that Hegseth looks like the shadow of a man who used to be handsome, perhaps. That maybe if he had spent his years smiling more, those years might have been kinder to him, that his soul might not have been sucked out by the same demon that’s been visiting Stephen Miller each night since he was a teenager.
But he didn’t, and they weren’t, and that demon’s got his hands full with the Trump administration.
And that’s what any real photojournalist’s camera is going to see, as well as any person watching a video of Hegseth and hitting pause every three seconds to see which angry, scowly face or melodramatic, prissy face is the funniest.
Again, sorry not sorry.
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Every picture of Hegseth is a dick pic.
these people are weird.
Uncle Tim was right.