Poor Little Rich Rudy Can’t Find An Accountant To Touch His Books

Nobody wants to work any more!

There’s a nickel in there somewhere! (Borat Subsequent Moviefilm)

Scotch-swilling ladies’ man Rudy Giuliani and his lawyers have been working every possible angle to weasel out of paying any of that $148 million judgment he owes to the election workers whose lives he ruined with racism-slathered lies and rants, including filing for expedited bankruptcy days after his judgment. He’s been living poor, supposed to keep within a budget of just $43,000 a month (which sometimes runs to triple that), but he’d prefer not to pay his creditors anything he owes, because fuck them is why. Now he’s got a new wahh wah wah: No accountant will work with him!

Griped his lawyer in a filing to bankruptcy court:

The debtor originally had an accountant who was helping, however, he had a change of heart and indicated that he no longer wished to help prepare the monthly operating reports. The Debtor advised that he has reached out to a number of accounting firms and CPA’s seeking their help, however, no one seems interested in taking the assignment. The Debtor’s reports are fairly straight forward, as the Debtor’s sole source of income is mainly from his social security [also radio show, podcast, and IRA].

Ring ring ring, hello, bullshit? There’s 44,000 accountants in New York and 36,000 in Florida, and making sense out of piles of bank statements and shoeboxes of receipts is what they do all day long. Surely his accountants didn’t fire him because he wanted them to dabble in a little light “discovery misconduct,” maybe fudge some records here and there, and sign their names on some cooked books? Because that sure does sound like something Rudy would do. Nah, it’s probably just cancel culture! And don’t forget “woke”!

OR maybe it’s just another low-effort delay excuse to be as heel-draggingly difficult as possible from a man who simply doesn’t give a shit, because space lasers will make Donald Trump president soon, and then he’ll put all of Rudy’s creditors in Gitmo. Maybe all of the above!

How long can he keep up the Roodles-a-roo? “Don’t enforce my judgment, I’m bankrupt, hurry up with the bankruptcy! Wait on the bankruptcy, gotta appeal my judgment and not post bond! Hey, bankruptcy court, I got no records for you, so you better delay my bankruptcy!” He’s not going to jail for this, so why not?

In the meantime inquiring minds want to know: Why can't he stick to a $43,000-a-month (MONTH!) budget? Who is funding his legal defense fund, managed by his can-of-Spam son Andrew? What were the duties entailed in that $2 million in legal services he provided to Trump but never got paid for? And was that a diamond ring we saw on his conspiracy-theorist grifter girlfriend’s finger? Do we hear wedding bells?

Whatever’s going on in Rudy’s back office, one thing’s for sure, he won’t quit defaming those women. As we learned from reading Trump’s book, TRUMP THINK BIG: Make It Happen in Business and Life, it’s important to always get even with those you think have wronged you, both because it feels good and as a warning to others.

“I was sued by two women who were counting multiple ballots in Georgia, we have one of them on tape doing it,” he told a crowd in Tulsa last month. “I can show you [evidence] tonight of them counting the ballots four times, one, two, one, two, four times, four time, four times.”

Don’t even make us think about what we all saw Rudy on tape doing.

Caught with his literal pants down, twice-indicted, “broke” on $43k a month, voted off “The Masked Singer,” reduced to riding in Ubers. And now not even a CPA wants to touch him.