Time for 'Bankrupt' Rudy Giuliani To Give Up The Grande Latte Avocado Toasts, Looks Like!

Creepo has been blowing his budget on girlfriend's credit card bills, 'entertainment.'

It would seem things aren’t going too swell for horny Scotch goblin Rudy Giuliani. He was ordered to pay $148 million to the election workers whose lives he destroyed with his racist dogwhistle election lies that summoned Y’all Qaeda, and Dominion Voting Systems and his former employee Noelle Dunphy are holding spots in line for cash, too.

He’s indicted in Arizona and Georgia for that whole fake elector thing — and yes, Georgia is still on, though there’s still no trial date set because Trumpistan lawyers have been burying Judge Scott McAfee in bullshit motions. Rudy’s law license is suspended in DC and New York, his daughter hates him, his son is a slack-jawed idiot, and to top it off, he can’t find a foundation that matches his skin tone. 

He also filed for bankruptcy, but don’t feel too bad for him. Roodles has been living high on the hog, and happily thumbing his nose at the bankruptcy court’s accounting requirements. He’d agreed to stick to a budget of $43,000 — per month, that is — and he’s still somehow been blowing through that, spending $120,000 just in January. 

Gee, $43,000 a month from Social Security and retirement accounts? And he didn’t even take his mayor pension. Give up that avocado toast and maximize your IRA contributions, kids! 

So what did that hunchbacked old pervert blow his debt money on, besides horse teeth for his dentures? When he finally coughed up some tidbits of incomplete accounting to his creditors’ lawyers, expenses included $5,000 in alimony, $425 for “personal care products and services,” plus “60 transactions on Amazon, multiple entertainment subscriptions, various Apple services and products, Uber rides and payment of some of his business partner’s personal credit card bill.” That’s a lot of alfalfa, yet still not enough to explain where all the money went, so naturally his creditors are pissed with his bullshit.

Rudy also tried to hide his stock in Uber, the full value of his three World Series rings, spending on his Discover card (apparently they still exist), and a publishing contract for his forthcoming potboiler, The Biden Crime Family.

The “business partner” whose credit card bills he’s been paying, Maria Ryan, also happens to be the lady his former third wife Judith claims he was cheating on her with. When she was a hospital CEO at the height of COVID, Ryan went to the RNC maskless to sit next to Rudy, and she calls herself “doctor” even though her doctorate is in philosophy from a diploma mill, just to give you a sense of the flavor of nuts she is. These two have a radio show together that grosses about $400K a year, where they repeat the latest Russian talking points and complain about stuff like how SNL didn’t make fun of Obama enough.

Back in 2021, Ryan was the one hounding the Trump campaign to pay Rudy $20,000 a day, even though Rudy had been publicly telling anyone who would listen how he was volunteering his services out of the kindness of his enlarged heart. Bad news, ladies, she’s also recently been spotted with a giant ring on her wedding finger, so Rudy might be off the market soon. Hurry up and get your name on that condo before he croaks, girl!

Roodles’ creditors are also pissed that he’s refused to sue Trump for the $2 million the campaign owes him, though after his legal defense fund website raised less than $10K, he did send his human potato of a son Andrew down to Mar-a-Lago to ask if The Boss could spare a dime, and Trump ended up giving him $340k from his couch cushions.

Rudy is tightening his belt, though, in the metaphorical and not “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm” sense. Back in 2017, his ex-wife Judith reported they had a $230,000 in expenses a month, which included $7,131 on fountain pens and $12,012 on cigars. Now he’s been forced to downgrade from car service to Ubers, and must make do with only one residence. Thanks to his pensions, though, he will never be living in a van down by the river or eating cold cans of beans. He won’t even have to watch ads on his Netflix and Hulu subscriptions. 

Seems pretty unfair, considering how his lies and troll army drove the women he defamed literally out of their homes. But life ain’t fair, kid.

[WaPo/NYT/Vanity Fair/Daily Mail/Salon/TPM]