Pretty Loud Sounds Coming From Trump's Mar-a-Lago Bathroom Right About Now, We Reckon
He's fine, just fine.
We don’t know if you’ve heard, but there have been a couple polls and/or developments the past couple days that have made some people nervous on Twitter about the election. Like one bad poll, and we think Mark Halperin maybe rubbed his penis up against some internal polling, or says he did, or something?
You know how people are right now.
If those things were true, and Donald Trump was on the cusp of winning, you’d think he’d be cool, calm and collected, yeah?
Let’s check in with the patient, on Truth Social.
It looks like he’s … oh he’s demanding Kamala Harris concede the election now? Because “60 Minutes” did an edit to some answer during her interview (the one he was too chickenshit to show up for) and it was a TREASON EDIT?
A giant Fake News Scam by CBS & 60 Minutes. Her REAL ANSWER WAS CRAZY, OR DUMB, so they actually REPLACED it with another answer in order to save her or, at least, make her look better. A FAKE NEWS SCAM, which is totally illegal. TAKE AWAY THE CBS LICENSE. Election Interference. She is a Moron, and the Fake News Media wants to hide that fact. An UNPRECEDENTED SCANDAL!!! The Dems got them to do this and should be forced to concede the Election? WOW!
WOW! If what he’s saying is TRUE about a FAKE NEWS SCAM, then that is definitely an UNPRECEDENTED SCANDAL!!! Totally illegal, CONCEDE THE ELECTION? and TAKE AWAY THE CBS LICENSE!
WOW!
If you are curious about what he is babbling about, it is explained here. Don’t faint, but it’s not at all what his confused, senile dementia brain thinks it is. CBS News did an edit on an answer from Harris’s interview — many of them, we’d imagine! — and people who influence Trump’s impressionable brain have convinced him that it was done to hide her REAL ANSWER that WAS CRAZY, OR DUMB, and that this was ILLEGAL.
So he’s asking the Democrats to go ahead and concede the election, on October 10, because of something that happened on “60 Minutes.”
He has just added:
“60 Minutes is a major part of the News Organization of CBS, which has just created the Greatest Fraud in Broadcast History. CBS should lose its license, and it should be bid out to the Highest Bidder, as should all other Broadcast Licenses, because they are just as corrupt as CBS — and maybe even WORSE!
“With me, 60 Minutes does the exact opposite! They take everything I say, realize how totally BRILLIANT it is, and take it out. So, with Kamala they add, with ‘TRUMP,” they delete. Like the Democrat Party, THEY ARE A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!”
Definitely, that’s exactly what happens. “60 Minutes” edits out his words because they realize how brilliant they are. Why, they deleted so many it looked like he was too frightened to even show up for his “60 Minutes” interview!
And for this CBS, and all other networks, should lose their licenses. For illegally making Donald Trump look like a fucking moron.
Speaking of things that happen on TV, or on screens, Trump is FINE JUST FINE and not at all upset about Howard Stern — whom he used to consider his buddy — doing an hour-long interview with Harris and endorsing her. Can you tell how FINE JUST FINE he is?
“BETA MALE Howard Stern made a fool of himself on his low rated radio show when he ‘interviewed’ Lyin’ Kamala Harris, and hit her with so many SOFTBALL questions that even she was embarrassed. He looked like a real fool, working so hard to make a totally incompetent and ill-equipped person look as good as possible, which wasn’t very good. I dropped Howard a long time ago, like most others, and have since been credited with very good judgment! MAGA2024.”
FINE JUST FINE. If he was any more FINE JUST FINE his blood pressure might be DANGEROUSLY LOW and his doctors might have to PRESCRIBE BIG MACS WITH KETCHUP to get it back into a healthy human range.
Finally, Trump confirmed yesterday — as if there had been any question — that he is definitely too scared to do another debate with Harris, and when we say scared, what we mean is that he’s scared for her, because she is so stupid and dumb.
Grandpa must have been on the toilet with a stuck caps lock key for this one:
“I WON THE LAST TWO DEBATES, ONE WITH CROOKED JOE, THE OTHER WITH LYIN’ KAMALA. I ACCEPTED THE FOX-NEWS INVITATION TO DEBATE KAMALA ON SEPTEMBER 4TH, BUT SHE TURNED IT DOWN. JD VANCE EASILY WON HIS DEBATE WITH TAMPON TIM WALZ, WHO CALLED HIMSELF A KNUCKLEHEAD! I AM ALSO LEADING IN THE POLLS, WITH THE LEAD GETTING BIGGER BY THE DAY - AND LEADING IN ALL SWING STATES. THE FIRST THING A PRIZEFIGHTER DOES WHEN HE LOSES A FIGHT IS SAY THAT HE “DEMANDS A REMATCH.” IT IS VERY LATE IN THE PROCESS, VOTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN - THERE WILL BE NO REMATCH! BESIDES, KAMALA STATED CLEARLY, YESTERDAY, THAT SHE WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT THAN JOE BIDEN, SO THERE IS NOTHING TO DEBATE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! DONALD J. TRUMP”
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, he said, in a normal voice.
Dumpy ass loser squatting on the toilet thinks he’s giving presidential orders to the rubber duckies in the bathtub or something.
Yeah, he’s doing fine, y’all. His brain is totally healthy and his ticker’s in good working order, and the sounds of his bowel movements ARE NOT echoing through the halls of Mar-a-Lago in such a cacophony that the Palm Beach socialites and Russian spies in the dining room think south Florida is having a rare earthquake.
Yep.
In related news, CNN has just invited both candidates to do town halls, and Harris immediately accepted, while taunting Trump. Here is her campaign’s statement:
“Donald Trump's refusal to join Vice President Harris on the debate stage again is a disservice to the American people. They deserve to see the candidates side-by-side one more time before casting their ballots for one last look at their vastly different visions for America. After backing out of 60 Minutes and doing 27 straight interviews with conservative media, unfortunately it is clear Trump would rather cocoon himself in safe spaces and avoid real questions about his harmful plans and failed divisive leadership. Trump fears another debate where Vice President Harris would hold him accountable in front of tens of millions of Americans.
“Trump may want to hide from the voters, but Vice President Harris welcomes the opportunity to share her vision for a New Way Forward for the country. She is happy to accept CNN's invitation for a live, televised town hall on October 23 in Pennsylvania. This will be a unique opportunity for voters to hear directly from the Vice President on her commitment to be a President for all Americans and her plans to lower families' costs, protect our freedoms including reproductive freedom, and keep us safe and secure. She will also use this platform to make the argument directly to Americans that Donald Trump will threaten the stability and security of hardworking families, and that a second Trump term is too big of a risk for our country.”
We’re sure Trump will find a reason to hide from this one too, because bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.
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OT
Today I found out that it's considered completely acceptable to disturb Italian teachers' lessons if the reason is that half their class come running to the door to hug you because you were their only English teacher for the whole previous five years they've been in education.
I may have welled a little bit up.
"I think people are wonderful and excellent until they say something I don't like at which point I hate them forever" is just such a great quality in a leader of a democracy.