Republican Party Chooses '...Or Die' Before New Hampshire

It's your pre-pointless primary Sunday show rundown!

The New Hampshire Republican presidential primary is this Tuesday, but the Sunday shows and their mostly Republican guests have already declared Donald Trump the nominee. (Try to act shocked when it’s official, Wonketteers!)

Future 2024 Runner-Up, Nikki Haley!

The former South Carolina Governor and Trump U.N. Ambassador appeared on CBS’ “Face The Nation” to make her sales’ pitch one last time.

Host Margaret Brennan began by giving Haley a backhanded compliment. She pointed out that Haley is losing in the primary polls despite being a bigger threat to President Joe Biden in a recent poll and then lobbed a softball for Haley’s only attack against Trump (and Biden) after playing a clip of Trump confusing Haley with former Speaker Nancy Pelosi on January 6, which Haley was eager to swing at.

HALEY: He says that I'm the one that kept security from Jan – from the Capitol on January 6. I was nowhere near the Capitol on January 6. […] don't be surprised if you have someone that's 80 in office, their mental stability is going to continue to decline. That's just human nature. […]

Haley, of course, is using her only advantage over both presumptive nominees and trying to target a wider coalition. But that plan falls apart when Brennan, after interviewing Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer about abortion rights, then asked if Haley would sign a national abortion ban.

HALEY: Yes, I’m unapologetically pro-life, but I don’t judge anyone for being pro- choice. I have said I’m fine with a federal law. But the thing is, in order to get a federal law, you have to have a majority of the House […] 60 senators and a signature of the president. […] we haven’t had 60 Republican senators in over 100 years. So no Republican president can ban abortions, any more than a Democrat president can ban any state law. […]

Haley is being disingenuous and is counting on people not having paid attention for the last few years.

A “majority of the House” is not exactly difficult for a party that passed numerous bills to defund the ACA, FBI, DOJ and is actively conducting an “impeachment inquiry” under Speaker Mike Johnson’s loon-filled reign. Haley counts on you remembering that the filibuster STILL exists because it wasn’t used to codify abortion or voting rights (thanks, ‘douchebag twins’ Joe Manchin and Kirsten Sinema), BUT hopes Americans count on Senate Republicans to have a love for “precedent” and “intuitionalism” that Senator Mitch McConnell and his goons have never shown. McConnell, unlike Manchin/Sinema, will destroy the filibuster and make it a simple majority (if they have Donald Trump in the White House) faster than it takes his aides to reboot him.

Haley’s attempt at the “sensible” lane is futile. Trumpism destroyed that path long ago by confirming there was never such a thing as a “good Republican.”

Haley, at this point, is just slow marching to the inevitable despite every sign telling her it’s over.

Attack Of The Clones

The Trump surrogates were in full force on every channel and every Sunday show —all singing the praises of the mythical utopia we supposedly all lived in from 2016 to 2020 before (allegedly) Biden decided to turn America into the lawless Mad Max: Fury Road hellscape in which we currently reside.

Flashback to the “mask mandates”!

But trying to paint this picture, for some, exposed their full hypocrisy.

Haley was followed by shameless liar and current Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders who was there to also endorse Trump.

But when Sanders tried to talk about her “pro-life” record after being asked about her state’s draconian abortion ban laws, Brennan pushed back.

BRENNAN: So your state — you’re talking about the sanctity of life. Your state had one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the country according to the CDC, up until about 2021. Arkansas is one of the few states that hasn't extended postpartum care for mothers. Why don’t you want those moms to get care for a full 12 months, as is being offered, instead of just 60 days?

Sanders never adequately answered the question and and only paused once from her stale talking points to try to play faux victim (like she did with comedian Michelle Wolf once) because Brennan accidentally referred to her as “Sarah” instead of “governor,” despite Brennan already having apologized.

On CNN’s “State Of The Union,” Senator Tim Scott from South Carolina (appointed originally by then-governor Nikki Haley) was forced to reckon with how eagerly endorsing Trump clashes with the self-image he tries to convey.

BASH: […] On Friday, Senator, is that — when you endorsed Donald Trump, is that he will — quote — “restore law and order” […] As president, he did try to overturn a legitimate election. He called January 6 rioters hostages and promised to pardon them. He is charged with keeping classified documents and obstructing attempts to get them back. And on the campaign now, he's arguing that president should have total immunity, even if they — quote — "cross the line." How is that law and order?

Scott, being the uncharismatic liar who lost his presidential nomination bid, kept stumbling when pushed further about Trump referring to convicted J6 insurrectionists as “hostages” he might pardon. It took multiple times for Scott to admit they weren’t hostages but never addressed pardons to those he was ready to mortally fight.

If Trump wasn’t so racist, Scott might be the closest Mike Pence replacement he has.

Worst Endorsement Timing Ever

We conclude with House Rep Thomas Massie from Kentucky, who was on “Fox News Sunday” to throw his support behind Florida Governor Ron DeSantis!

After being quoted saying it was a “political risk” to endorse DeSantis over Trump, Massie explained he wasn’t worried. In a bit of karmic justice, the universe made sure Massie’s fate was “rewarded” as he deserves for being a toxic, smug assclown on CNN recently.

No notes, universe.

Have a week.

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