Republicans Killing Republican Immigration Bill Because They Don't Actually Care About Immigration And Trump Barked At Them And
Is the bill the Great Replacement Theory? Sure why not.
Oklahoma Republican Senator James Lankford is still out there publicly going through his feelings over the fact that he has done all this work, and he made a bipartisan immigration compromise bill happen — Republicans are always saying they want to fix immigration — and now oh my God they are all going to kill my bill because Donald Trump barked at them?
Yes, it’s amazing watching James Lankford the Republican learn in real time what Republicans are like.
See, Joe Biden needs to help Ukraine repel the invasion from Russia — Ukraine is running out of bullets! — and in order to do so, he “believed” the Republicans who said they could not fund Ukraine without getting literally every single thing they wanted to happen at the border. A path to citizenship for DREAMers? That’s not in there at all, because again, this is giving the Republicans every single thing they said they wanted in order to stop Putin from Czechoslovakia-ing all over Eastern Europe.
And now they’re mad at James Lankford for getting them everything they wanted in their wildest dreams. (Probably second wildest dreams.) They can’t be passing this Republican immigration border bill! They’ve got a secretary of Homeland Security to impeach for not doing enough about immigration and the border! Like … NOW!
NO REALLY, RIGHT NOW!
Yesterday, Jake Tapper alerted Lankford to the fact that Elon Musk is — shock! — spreading easily debunked right-wing conspiracy theories about immigration that only breathtakingly stupid, racist and lonely people could possibly believe. “The long-term goal of the so-called ‘Border Security’ bill is enabling illegals to vote!” Musk tweeted on Twitter. (He calls it “X,” but he’s too ineffective of a man to make a name change stick.) “It will do the total opposite of securing the border.”
So that’s some white supremacist Great Replacement Theory, the kind Tucker Carlson loves, the kind Fox News loves, the kind mass shooters love. (Musk was responding to his friend David Sacks, another mouthbreathing fuckass.)
But hey! James Lankford has been working hard on this bill! He hasn’t been doing any Great Replacement Theories! He responded:
“I think he needs to go back to doing the two million Teslas that are currently being recalled right now to be able to focus in on that. No, it’s not focused on trying to be able to get more illegals to vote. That’s absurd. It is against the law for anyone that is not a citizen of the United States to be able to vote in the US in any federal election. That remains so. Obviously, we’re not dealing with that.”
Awwww, that is a wimpy Oklahoma Republican senator trying to do zingers, bless his heart. But he has a good point. Elon probably should focus on his shitty cars or his shitty website or his shitty life and stop trying to contribute to the American conversation.
(Also, imagine how Democrats feel, James, trying to explain that every move they make that isn’t overtly Nazi isn’t a Great Replacement!)
In the same interview Tapper asked Lankford why Donald Trump is going after him and attacking him over this bill. (Trump endorsed Lankford in 2022, and now is lying and saying he didn’t.) “I don’t know obviously, other than he has a different job than I have right now,” Lankford replied. “His job is running for president. And so he’s trying to be able to manage that. And obviously a chaotic border is helpful to him in the process on that.”
So that is where we are.
There is an INVASION at the southern border and we are all gonna die — Republicans have been telling us! Don’t you see how they are always chartering buses to go stand at the border and say “EEEEEEEEE”? Elon Musk went to the border so he could stand at it and squint his unattractive eye slits at it and say “EEEEEEEEE.”
Simultaneously it is fine to postpone doing anything about the border invasion until “whenever,” if it helps Donald Trump and hurts Joe Biden.
And that is what Republicans are doing.
Fox News reports that Senate Republicans met about the border bill last night, and that there was “screaming.” Senate Republicans are going to kill the bill, or at least put it into a deep sleep where it will be attended to by seven short men, until the day when Donald Trump awakens it by grabbing it by the pussy.
Punchbowl reported this morning that in that meeting, Mitch McConnell recommended that they all vote against cloture — AKA filibuster their own bill — which also puts funding for Ukraine in grave danger. It’s not that McConnell himself hates the bill so much, but:
McConnell, according to attendees, said his view was that the problem isn’t the bill itself but that the political mood in the country has shifted since the Senate first began this effort four months ago. This is a reference to former President Donald Trump’s surge toward the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, plus the poor outlook for the proposal among House GOP lawmakers.
McConnell still backs the underlying bill, but he made this recommendation after it became clear that most Republicans were preparing to vote “no,” either because they oppose the legislation outright or want more time to consider and, potentially, try to amend it.
Uh, whatever.
So it’s dead, we guess. Lankford says nuh uh, no it’s not, but he also didn’t say last night whether even he would vote to advance the bill, given the current state of things. Democratic Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer is going to call a vote on it Wednesday. It will fail, obviously. “Too soon,” said Senate number two Republican John Thune. House Speaker Mike Johnson looked up from his porn-monitoring Jesus software to also say the bill is “DEAD.”
If you want more jackoff quotes from MAGA fascist senators like JD Vance, click over to Punchbowl. The Washington Post also has a good roundup.
We guess Lankford’s bill just isn’t Nazi enough for all these people. The Border Patrol officers union endorsed it yesterday, and Amnesty International is appalled by how cruel it is, but it’s still not enough. Tomi Lahren called it “treason.” MAGA weirdo Benny Johnson wants Republican senators who worked on it prosecuted. ¿Por qué? No sé.
Democratic Senator Brian Schatz had the most adorably “I’m brand new here” reaction to all of this:
Yes, what a big surprise, unless you’ve been observing Republicans at any time since the Obama administration, in which case …
Also apparently just learning right now that Republicans are nasty, lying, cynical, pigfucking, nativist, traitor fascists who don’t actually care about governing is the Wall Street Journal editorial board. “Do Republicans want to better secure the U.S. border, or do they want to keep what has become an open sore festering for another year as an election issue?” they ask in an editorial today. To which we all reply uhhhhhhhh I dunno you dumb shits, what does it look like?
So here we are.
Here we are.
Also, Greg Sargent is correct here:
Really slows down the authoritarianism!
[Punchbowl / video via Aaron Rupar]
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It's YOUR.
Fucking.
Bill.
It has everything in it you said you wanted.
Jesus. The US is a two-party system, but only one party functions.
So how long until we have hordes of Democratic attack ads on TV, in newspapers, on the radio, and online? "Republicans keep caterwauling about the 'crisis at the border.' They gnash their teeth and rend their garments about it. But when presented with a fix that THEY wanted, they voted against it. How can you trust them with anything?"