Rudy Giuliani Down To Staten Island Divorce Lawyer As He Tries To Hang On To Florida Condo
Saul Goodman was reportedly busy.
Rudy Giuliani has given us all a wondrous early Christmas gift in the form of a new lawyer to defend him in his ongoing legal problems with the two Georgia poll workers he slandered after the 2020 election. And boy, is this guy a holly jolly trip.
First, let us summarize the state of play. The two poll workers, Shaye Moss and her mother Ruby Freeman, had sued America’s Former Mayor after he falsely accused them of ballot fraud during the 2020 election. Moss and Freeman more or less had their lives ruined, with hordes of batshit Trumpists popping out of the woodwork to terrorize them and constantly threaten their lives.
A jury agreed that Giuliani had defamed them and awarded the women $148 million in damages. In order to satisfy even a fraction of the judgment, Giuliani would have to turn over practically anything of value: his New York apartment, his Florida condo, his vintage Mercedes, his collection of expensive watches, his Yankees World Series rings, and who knows what else, until he went full Randolph and Mortimer Duke at the end of Trading Places.
Giuliani has spent the last year trying to hide all these assets and giving Freeman and Moss the runaround when they have come looking to collect. Eventually — like, really eventually — he turned over some items, including the car and the watches. But he has been trying to hang on to the condo in Florida by claiming it is his primary residence and the state’s homestead exemptions shield it from being handed over in a legal judgment.
LIKE SO!
After the judge threatened to hold Rudy in contempt and sanction him in November, his latest lawyers gave up on him and quit, forcing Hair Dye McHoulihan to find some other ambulance chaser willing to humiliate himself for his benefit.
Presumably there were few lawyers willing to get involved in the mess that is Rudy Giuliani, so he hired Vincent D’Onofrio as Kingpin in Daredevil a Staten Island divorce lawyer named Joseph Cammarata. This week, while the judge was ordering Giuliani to appear at a hearing on Jan. 3, Cammarata was filing a motion explaining why his client should not be held in contempt.
LIKE SO AGAIN!
Now, we are not a lawyer, but in the course of our long career writing about the dumbest reprobates our political system constantly spits up like a gassy infant, we have had occasion to read a legal motion or two. So we recognize when a lawyer should have perhaps had someone read a particular motion and say, Dude, are you sure you want to file this with an actual court? Do you care about your legal reputation, or are you a swaggering Staten Island meathead?
For starters, we cannot imagine the judge is going to take kindly to Cammarata’s less-than-subtle insinuation that the judge is biased against Giuliani because his father once represented some clients Giuliani’s office prosecuted when Rudy was a US District Attorney. In fact, we can honestly say we have never seen a court motion where a lawyer brought up a judge’s parentage at all, because why would you do that:
It is Defendant’s recent understanding that the Honorable Judge is the son of the late Arthur L. Liman, who it has been discovered passed away at a time when Defendant Rudolph Giuliani was the prosecutor as the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, and the late Arthur L. Liman was representing certain defendants in Drexel Lambert prosecution cases. […] Defendant hopes that Defendant is afforded every right under the law by this Court in light of the knowledge that the Defendant before this Court is the person who was prosecuting the Honorable Judge’s late father Arthur L. Liman clients when or around the time that the Honorable Judge’s late father Arthur L. Liman passed away.
Smooth!
We also think a smarter lawyer would not suggest the judge in the case is too biased to rule fairly. If you want to do that, just file a motion requesting his recusal! But don’t accuse him of being in the tank because senators from the same party the defendant belongs to voted against his confirmation:
This Court should try to avoid the politics involved in this case. When the Honorable Judge of this Court was nominated for the current District Judge position, no Democratic Senators voted against the nomination of the Honor [sic] Judge, but twenty nine (29) Republican Senators voted against the Honorable Judge. Hopefully, the Honor [sic] Judge will be able to be unbiased against Defendant. However, even subconsciously, a human being can have a political bias and the rapid rocket docket approach by this Court and entertaining so many of Plaintiffs’ motions and letters from the Plaintiffs’ counsel and ruling against the Defendant nearly 100% of the time is troubling.
Or possibly he ruled against Giuliani a lot because the plaintiffs’ lawyers did a good job and had a good case, while the wizened garden gnome you now represent has been more and more defiant, including continuing to insist to the national media that he still thinks Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman did what he accused them of doing, which is the thing the jury agreed was defamation and he should hand over everything he owns.
We also would not recommend telling a judge that your client hates liberal democracy:
No matter what anyone says, the truth and fact is that Plaintiffs are represented by those who believe in liberal democracy, and you have a defendant whose beliefs are the antithesis of the Plaintiffs’ counsel.
Ah yes, those non-liberal democracies are so famous for their justness and resolving legal disputes by presenting cases to a jury in a court of law. Sounds terrible!
Again, this upcoming hearing is about the disposition of Giuliani’s Florida condo. And yet for some reason, this doofus brings up Hunter Biden eight separate times. Presumably the divorce lawyer saw what being a bombastic airhead to a judge got the parking garage lawyer who did the same for Trump, and thought this was his ticket off Staten Island.
And sure, why not? Maybe Melania will get tired of waiting for Donald to go tits up and sue him for divorce instead.
[AP / Giuliani’s motion]
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HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY DID IT AND IT ONLY TOOK 21 YEARS! Early this morning, the Senate passed Sherrod Brown’s bill to end Social Security’s exemption of public pensions.
If this holds together, it means that Beloved Partner and I will be able to afford to spend my retirement years living like very frugal royalty instead of scrabbling to simply survive.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/21/us/congress-social-security.html?unlocked_article_code=1.jE4.kab2.o7kmQ9TCCqTE&smid=url-share
I won't know what to think until Alan Dershowitz weighs in.
/s