Secretary Sh*tfaced Ain't Need No Generals, He's Nailing This All By Himself!
He's a big kid now.
Secretary Shitfaced, AKA Pete Hegseth, who isn’t qualified to do much in life beyond mow all our lawns — but please keep your shirt on, dude, the white nationalist tattoos are offensive and trashy — has announced a new policy at the Pentagon. He calls it the “Less generals, more GIs” policy, because we guess there’s nobody in his inner circle to explain to him that the word is “fewer.”
Looking as always like he just took a bath in the BP oil spill, and like his pores are crying out for just one week free of makeup and other toxins, he announced the new policy in this video, sitting at his big boy desk and reading like a big boy who is a big kid now:
In the video, Hegseth whines that “we’re going to shift resources from bloated headquarters elements to our warfighters.” We guess he means fewer — fewer! — people in the military to outrank the Defense secretary’s extremely stupid ass, who make him feel as small as he really is. Fewer — fewer! — people who will think Hegseth is a dipshit who failed his way to the top, who doesn’t deserve his current job.
Oh boy, if he had any idea what the whole military is probably saying about him, regardless of rank. Let’s look at a comment from the Army Reddit before we go any further.
Want to read more of those? HAVE FUN.
But yes, as Hegseth explains, his new big important initiative is to reduce the number of four-star generals and admirals across the board by about 20 percent. Plus:
Hegseth […] also called for cuts of at least 20% of general officers in the National Guard and at least 10% of its general and flag officers across the military, which could include one-stars or above. In Hegseth’s video message, he said the cuts would occur in two phases, the first being among the four-stars and the National Guard.
He thinks that’s where the woke comes from, all these men and women who have worked harder and accomplished more than he has. Many are citing something he said on a podcast last summer, that “I would say over a third [of military leadership] are actively complicit” in politicizing the military, and on another podcast that “they’ll do any social justice, gender, climate, extremism crap because it gets them checked to the next level.”
He explains in the video above, calling it a history lesson, that during World War II, there were only 17 four-star generals in the Army and now there are 44. He thinks he proved something there, but we’re not sure what. He definitely gets a different look on his face when he tries to explain the mathematics of it all. It’s like you can see his brain laboring harder.
This comes on the heels of his purges of military lawyers and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and other people who offend him by outranking him while being either not white or not men. And then of course all the leakers who have revealed forbidden secrets to journalists like “Hegseth is an idiot.”
“We gotta be lean and mean!” he concludes in the video above. Then, fully committed to the bit of being a smart guy who reads things out of briefing folders and then writes things down, he puts his head down and you can hear him coloring with some kind of Sharpie or something, we don’t fucking know, it’s all very dramatic.
So what kind of hot headlines do we have this week from Secretary Lean ‘n’ Mean Gonna Make The Military So Small You Can Drown It In A Bathtub Full Of Gin?
Impressive, as usual!
For one thing, you know how Dipshit is always getting out ahead of his skis on Ukraine, babbling out words he’s not technically allowed to say and generally embarrassing himself in front of the whole entire world?
Well, news alert, he’s shit the bed on Ukraine in a way we didn’t know about previously.
The headline in Reuters is that an order from Hegseth to cancel weapons for Ukraine “caught [the] White House off guard.” And we are guessing they don’t just mean Donald Trump, who apparently spends all his time these days watching movies about Alcatraz and thinking they’re real. This sounds like it caught the actual leadership off guard, like maybe Stephen Miller or somebody!
But this happened back in the winter, a week after Trump lie-bumbled his way through another oath of office. An order went out to halt shipments of weapons to Ukraine, stuff that was literally already on planes. Where did it come from? The White House did not know. It came from Hegseth’s office. It was a verbal order, because that’s how you do things in lean, mean governments.
The cancelations came after Trump wrapped up a January 30 Oval Office meeting about Ukraine that included Hegseth and other top national security officials, according to three sources familiar with the situation. During the meeting, the idea of stopping Ukraine aid came up, said two people with knowledge of the meeting, but the president issued no instruction to stop aid to Ukraine.
The president was unaware of Hegseth’s order, as were other top national security officials in the meeting, according to two sources briefed on the private White House discussions and another with direct knowledge of the matter.
Cool. Was he drinking? Did Pete’s third mommy-wife sign off on the [hic!] verbal order?
Quotes from the White House in the Reuters article offer no clarity, just after-the-fact bullshit and a hilarious clownfucking lie from Karoline Leavitt that “the war is much closer to an end today than it was when President Trump took office.” LOL OK, Liar McGoingToHell.
Read the whole thing if you like, it’s long and detailed and just more evidence of what a well-lubricated shitshow the Trump administration and Hegseth’s Pentagon are.
The Wall Street Journal was also out with the revelation yesterday that Pete Hegseth uses Signal for just fuckin’ everything, and it is so much worse than we knew. There have been “at least a dozen separate chats,” it says. It’s not just Pete pulling his pants down and showing his family and JD Vance and Mike Waltz all his war plans for Yemen! He pulls his pants down and shows people LOTSA COOL STUFF, BRO!
In one case, he told aides on the encrypted app to inform foreign governments about an unfolding military operation, the people said. He also used the nongovernmental message service to discuss media appearances, foreign travel, his schedule and other unclassified but sensitive information, two people said.
The former Fox News host set up many of the chats himself, sending texts from an unsecured line in his Pentagon office and from his personal phone, the two said. […]
The texts authorizing aides to tell allies about military operations are among the most sensitive messages he sent, two people said.
Wank wank wank, “We’re currently clean on OP-SEC!” he probably said, professionally, like the totally real and legit little green Army guy he is.
So that’s all perfectly legal and cool, we are sure. “Unfolding military operation”? That couldn’t possibly be totally classified, oh wait, it’s kind of by definition totally classified. (Key word there is “unfolding.”)
![THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbb01e885-c6e1-4841-8d3d-4e2eb2dad8a8_1068x606.png)
So Pete Hegseth is still totally nailing it and has 100 percent of Trump’s confidence. He said so this weekend on “Meet The Press.” Of course, Trump always says that right up until he fires somebody in a social media post. But Hegseth is probably fine, we are sure! Definitely nothing to drink or be paranoid about or anything.
Here’s a proclamation from Mr. Lean ‘n’ Mean the Pentagon just tweeted out:
“We are leaving WOKENESS and WEAKNESS behind. No more pronouns, no more climate change obsessions, no more emergency vaccine mandates, no more DUDES IN DRESSES. We are done with that shit.”
OK, little buddy, pull your pants back up.
Let’s end with a few more quotes from that Army Reddit, which we’ve been reading a lot lately. Obviously [sic] throughout, and don’t worry about not understanding all the military lingo, read for the spirit of the comments:
“He’s like what a bad Solider’s idea of how a good officer should act…”
“this! he appeals to the wide eye E-2 and E-3 who has zero understanding of their role in the grand scheme of things and keeps getting told they're a ‘warfighter’
“this guy hides behind a faux machismo persona but hes way in over his head.”
“Not really if your goal is to role the military back to the 1970s. No women, gays, trans. Granted Officers literally had to go armed and in buddy teams to go into the Bs.
“And to funnel enough money to contractors that they put you on a couple of boards so you can pull in 7-8 figures a year chasing women, day drinking, and showing up to an occasional meeting where they want you to STFU, drink your "diet coke", and play on your phone.
“Bonus points because you can fool yourself about bringing war fighting back to the military to make up for an embarrassingly poor military career.”
“That’s the whole thing behind all of it. It’s about what it appears to be and not an actual substance. Poor man’s idea of a rich man, weak man’s idea of a strong man, etc.”
By the way, those are the first four comments on this Military.com article entitled “Hegseth Works Hard to Portray Himself as a Man of the Troops. They Might Not Be Buying It.” The quote we started with came from the same thread.
Sounds to us Wonkette civilians like the military’s got this dumbass’s number.
[Stars & Stripes / Reuters / Wall Street Journal / Reddit]
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It's always exciting when an incompetent dipstick who got his current job because "TV" spouts off on the qualification levels of those that have put the hard work in and earned their place.
I am just an older woman, no military service, BUT, when I first started hearing that TrumpCo was firing national guard military officers, my very first thought was that Trump and Kegseth want to control soldiers who will be sent to attack peaceful American demonstrators whose numbers increase exponentially each week. I am thinking they are planning ahead for the protests to come. And perhaps they fear that the Generals and Admirals may come to stop them from destroying our country?