Should Jared Kushner And His Saudi Pals Buy CNN And HBO? Sure Why Not!
As long as the old man gets his taste.
Donald John Trump is a simple man. All he wants is to dominate all of the hemispheres of the earth, and make a buck. And that means becoming King of all Stage, Screen and Radio, plus the Internet too, so that there never is heard a discouraging word!
Now he’s announced an intention to dip his fat paws in another potential media merger, in the consolidation-a-thon that’s been going on since Brendan Carr became a one-man show at the FCC.
If you are not someone who reads the trades in your bubble bath and a moisturizing face mask, on Friday Netflix announced that they and Warner Bros. Discovery, formerly Time-Warner, had agreed to an $83 billion deal for Netflix to buy Warner Brothers’ streaming and studio businesses, which include HBO Max and CNN. But then Paramount Skydance, owned by Trump pal David Ellison, son of other Trump pal Larry, went behind the board’s backs with a hostile takeover bid for WBD for $108 billion. And then reportedly daddy Larry personally tattled to Trump that the deal was being made without letting son David in on it.
And what do you know, according to a regulatory filing, waxen Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner’s Affinity Partners is getting in on Paramount’s bid too! Plus plus Saudi Arabia’s, Qatar’s, and Abu Dhabi’s sovereign wealth funds. You remember Affinity Partners! It’s the private equity fund that Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Abu Dhabi pumped with billions for Jared to play with, though he is a nepo-slumlord by trade and had never managed an investment fund before. That lucky Jared just has a way of stumbling into pots of gold!
And Sunday night at the Kennedy Center Honors, diva Trump declared he planned to personally get involved in the merger, in case there might be some problem getting the proper bidder approved. The message is clear, no diversified media in Trumpistan.
But he’s still angry at CBS/Paramount Skydance too. He ranted Monday morning that he was furious how CBS — with Bari Weiss as news editor — gave airtime to Marjorie Taylor Greene, in which she dared to express opinions that he did not like, and revealed that all the other Republicans talk behind his back. Guess he remembers who she is now.
Ah yes, Hunter’s laptop, with those files of Hunter Biden gushing about sleepovers with Middle Eastern monarchies in exchange for billions of dollars and access to the old man! Just kidding, that was Jared, who couldn’t get a security clearance in 2016 probably because he was fixing to go bankrupt on dumb, risky real estate investments. But then, after a small blockade, his father-in-law and the Qataris stepped in to save both. And now they are all best friends. And Jared went from broke to billionaire.
REMEMBER WHEN?
Hey, what happened to Jared saying before the election that he was not going to get involved in Trump’s second term? Surely that was sincere at the time, and not just to avoid scrutiny during the campaign about all that. Seasons change, feelings change, and banking bucks beats lounging around the lanai of his $100 million house with Ivanka, listening to her natter about handbags and tooth whiteners or whatever.
And former (?) gameshow host Trump has always hated Netflix, ever since they penned a deal in 2018 with Michelle and Barack Hussein Obummer’s production company for a woke documentary.
And so Kushner is back, most recently seen helping golf-buddy-turned-foreign-envoy Steve Witkoff and Kirill Dmitriev, the head of the Russian Direct Investment Fund, draft that “peace plan” for Ukraine, in which Ukraine surrenders to Russia and American companies get first pick of rebuilding contracts and extracting minerals. Don’t say Russians drafted the whole thing all alone, surely Jared and Steve thought up the second part! As Jeffrey Epstein passed along to the Russians, the first rule of The Don is, The Don must always be seen to get something.
Before that, Kushner and Witkoff made some peace in the Middle East with a ceasefire that didn’t last a single day. And Kushner’s Affinity Partners and the Saudi Arabian foreign wealth fund also funded and took private gaming giant Electronic Arts. Maybe they will make a game that’s like Fruit Ninja, but for beheading journalists. Or one where wizard Kash Patel and King Trump fight evil Hillary Queenton. And will Brant and Brent Hecking disappear from The Sims?
It’s an all-family grift they got going! (Except Tiffany.) (That we know of.) Trump has moaned he wants to put his youngest son Barron on the board of TikTok, the algorithm of which he forced the control to a board with his private equity buddies like Ellison senior of Oracle, Jeff Yass (the Trump sugardaddy whose investment company was already majority stakeholder), Lachlan Murdoch, and Michael Dell, of Dell computers.
The dumbest son, Eric, is working with Steve Witkoff’s son Zach on a Middle Eastern crypto grift, and Trump’s ugliest son, Junior, has joined a startup investment fund also, specializing in financing digging up those rare-earth minerals his father just screwed the US out of by being an asshole to China. Vulcan Elements, backed by junior’s fund 1789 Capital, just mined a $620 million government loan! In fact, 1798 Capital has gotten more than $735 million in defense contracts just this year. Greenhorn’s luck!
There’s no conflict of interest as long as everybody is on the same page that only one person’s interests matter.
And Trump is working on it! Around 50 years ago, there were about 50 major media companies. Now there are just six: Comcast/NBC, Fox, Disney/ABC, Paramount Skydance, Warner Bros. Discovery, and Sony. And of these, only NBC and Sony (which tried to buy Paramount, but lost its bid to Skydance) aren’t already enthralled or have capitulated with some kind of settlement to Trump’s imaginary presidential library. Not that a payoff kept him from barking “you’re a terrible person and a terrible reporter” at ABC’s Mary Bruce, or kept any outlet off of his White House media outlet WALL OF SHAME for doing BIAS and LEFT-WING LUNACY at him.
And ABC just renewed Jimmy Kimmel’s contract for another year. Maybe ParaWarnermount will buy them, too.
Trump will be King of All Media, eat your heart out, Howard Stern! And he has Project 2025 contributing author Brendan Carr at the FCC, itching to yank the broadcast licenses of any network that might dare to say anything unflattering about him. Very First Amendment, very cool!
But will Trump capturing all of stage, screen, radio, and internet keep Veronica Voter from noticing that the price of beef and coffee have been going through the roof? Will he be able to use his capture of huge swaths of the media to convince soccer moms that only being able to afford two dolls for little Brynleigh at Christmas is a worthy sacrifice? Will all that right-wing news bring sufficient comfort to grandma when she can’t afford her medication any more?
Trump got elected twice somehow, so never misunderestimate stupidity, we guess!
[New York Times archive link / Financial Times archive link / WSJ gift link / Washington Post gift link]
Thank you for being Wonkette’s friend! We have no paywall ever, and no ads, because we’re brought to you by people like you! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.
Also, please note that the Netflix deal is already more than the terribly in-debt WB is worth. There is no universe in which Skydance spending even more is good business.
I remember when Netflix used to ship DVDs! I have a DVD player somewhere.