Some Real Hootenanny Bullsh*t Happening With Trump's Georgia RICO Case, Y'all
Fuck around and find out, everyone.
Lord have mercy, what is happening in Georgia? We do not even know, so we’re going to google Jeeves and make a list together.
First of all.
Georgia’s Republican Governor Brian Kemp says fuck you to people asking for a newly created commission to impeach Fulton County DA Fani Willis or defund Fani Willis or stand in front of Fani Willis real close to her face and say “Not touching, can’t get mad” over and over again until she agrees to drop all charges. Kemp signed a law creating the commission back in May, which pretty much everybody understood was intended to make it easier to go after progressive prosecutors. But now he’s really abandoned his role in Sparkle Motion, saying, “I have not seen any evidence that DA Willis's actions or lack thereof warrant action by the prosecuting attorney oversight commission."
Kemp seems especially not into all the redneck fol-de-rol from state Senator Colton Moore, the one who is concern-trolling about how if we do not stop prosecuting Donald Trump, there’s gonna be a civil war. Kemp says we will not be engaging in that kind of “political theater.”
Now about that Colton Moore. Y’all, when there is some bumpkin warning of civil war, why do they always look like their momma is still labeling their big underpants so they know which side is up, and like they cut their own hair and style their own beard in the dark using only their hands and their personal inner demons?
Y’all, look at him. He’s sayin’ there’s gonna be a civil war. Look at hiiiiiiiiim.
“We’ve got 19 people who are facing the rest of their life in prison because they spoke out against an election? We’ve got to put our heads together and figure this out. We need to be taking action right now.
“Because if we don’t, our constituencies are gonna be fighting it in the streets. Do you want a civil war? I don’t want a civil war. I don’t want to have to draw my rifle. I want to make this problem go away with my legislative means of doing so.”
Y’allllllllllllll. Somebody put their Oshkosh B’Goshes on a little bit too tight that morning. Look at hiiiiiiim.
“I don’t want to have to draw my rifle,” he warbled. Oh my God, as if him drawing his rifle would be tantamount to a civil war. Jesus Lord in heaven. Who does he think is going to be fighting in the streets when Donald Trump goes to trial? Something a few tanks driving through their neighborhoods for an afternoon couldn’t take care of? Fuck.
Why do they always look like this? Y’all.
So yeah there is some hootenanny bullshit afoot.
As for other updates, DA Willis says she’s ready to go to trial October 23, for all 19 of them. This happened in response to defendants Kenneth Chesebro and Sidney “Unreleased Kraken” Powell filing last week for speedy trials. Chesebro’s request has been granted already. Willis obviously wants to try everyone together, as opposed to letting people peel themselves off like it isn’t a RICO case. So she’s like yeah def cool, we can fuck all 19 of ‘em up a week before Halloween. She’s ready.
Trick or treat, smell my feet, motherfuckers!
Arraignments are scheduled for September 6, but Donald Trump pleaded not guilty today and has waived his right to appear. He is probably very busy that day winning a golf tournament. (He’s pissed about the October 23 speedy trial thing, by the way.)
And as for other defendants, we’re going to want to keep an eye on Harrison Floyd, who was the director of Black Voices for Trump, and who is indicted for racketeering, conspiracy, and influencing a witness. It looks like he’s going to be a supreme nutbag sideshow to watch. He’s the one who just now got out of the Fulton County Jail, because the judge thought he was maybe a flight risk. Also he was charged back in May with assaulting an FBI agent.
When he got out of jail yesterday, he ran to Steve Bannon and started saying, um, some words. He said Fani Willis kept him in jail so long because he’s Black. He continued:
"To keep it frank and simple, Fulton County fumbled the cover-up, and I am aware of what transpired. And they're trying to put pressure on me and others to make sure that the truth doesn't come out, but the truth always has a way of finding its way to the surface, sir. So, it's going be — I'm looking forward to being down here and fighting the devil in Georgia."
Then he said:
“Part of the Black culture is always voting Democrat. I went against the code at the highest order, and so the district attorney decided to send me what we call a negro wake-up call. And, um, she dialed the wrong number because it didn’t go through. So we’re gonna make an announcement real soon at the courthouse steps, and it’s gonna be pretty exciting.”
Yeah, he said just after he got out of jail that he’s going to maybe move to Georgia and run for Congress there. Spoiler.
Fuck around and find out, friend. We’re 100 percent certain DA Willis understands this is real life, even if some of the defendants haven’t quite absorbed that fact yet.
[videos via Republicans Against Trump / RawStory]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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>> "so the district attorney decided to send me what we call a negro wake-up call"
Methinks the word "we" is doing some Luke Cage-level heavy lifting.
"so the district attorney decided to send me what we call a negro wake-up call. And, um, she dialed the wrong number because it didn’t go through."
Metaphor got away from you a little there, didn't it?