Oh dear God, the feigned outrage is now incessant from MAGA over Democratic Senator Jon Ossoff highlighting the bizarre and disturbing relationship between Donald Trump and Natalie Harp, the blonde “human printer” who won’t leave his side, whose own brother is disturbed by her relationship with the man.
Part of MAGA’s feigned outrage is that it is MISOGYNISTIC! and UNFAIR! to suggest that JUST! BECAUSE! A! YOUNG! BLONDE! REPUBLICAN! LADY! IS! ALWAYS! WITH! TRUMP! THAT! THEY! ARE! HAVING! AN! AFFAIR!
Newt Gingrich, that respecter of women, even when America is making him so horny that he needs to go fuck some non-wife chick of his, is caterwauling about Ossoff’s “misogynistic language diminishing and smearing” Harp.
That’s just the beginning of the histrionics. Harp is “an innocent female staffer, a bone cancer survivor”! Ossoff is a “mean-spirited jerk”! (Tim Murtaugh and Hugh Hewitt, respectively.)
The White House continues to absolutely lose it. After CNN reporter Kristen Holmes asked a pretty basic question that just quoted what Ossoff said, their official RapidResponse 47 account laid an explosive stool all over Twitter about it, first calling Holmes “a disgraceful, humiliating embarrassment to her alleged profession,” and then addressing Holmes directly and telling her that “Someday, your children will come across your disgusting and inhumane question. They will be sickened and embarrassed to have a parent be so callous and vindictive. It’s quite troubling.”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha OK.
Tiedrich points us to all this weeping and gnashing of Mar-a-Lago faces:
Much more histrionics like that in Tiedrich’s column today too.
Scott Jennings, who appears to REALLY want to wear a French maid costume for Trump as his next press secretary, is whining and bitching about how “Jon Ossoff is a despicable coward who thinks he can get ahead by smearing a cancer survivor and loyal public servant, Natalie Harp.” Okeydoke.
What did Ossoff say again? Oh yes, that Trump doesn’t want to do his job, would rather “travel with Natalie on their apparently defenseless flying palace gifted by the Emir of Qatar.” That’s it.
How dare he suggest this innocent woman is nothing more than the president’s whore!
Megyn Kelly, who shows up for other women when it doesn’t cramp her style, is outraaaaaaaged:
OK, so, um, listen, MAGA. About all this.
Nobody thinks Donald Trump’s 80-year-old Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride is still able to accept passengers, at least not without yuuuuuge medical assistance.
Nobody.
Nobody thinks his dick works.
Nope.
None of this is about that.
Zero.
As we were just explaining on Substack:
All this melodramatic yelping from the party of tradwives and Epstein rapists about “Won’t somebody think of the young girls who might want to grow up and work for a president somedayyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”
Desperate, desperate, pathetic wishful thinking.
Why?
Because nobody thinks his dick works.
We know it used to work, even though as Stormy Daniels once explained, it’s kind of a weird poison mushroom in a thicket of wild native pube grass. (Or at least it was. No telling what age has done to it in the ensuing years.)
But nobody thinks it works anymore.
People do not think Trump and Natalie Harp are fucking each other with their privates.
For one thing, at 37, she’s way too old for him.
What people think about Natalie Harp is that she is Donald Trump’s diarrhea nurse and personal clown, and that he needs her, and that she needs therapy, but in the absence of that, she needs him. They think she is his 24/7 babysitter, and that for some bizarre reason, she lives for nothing but to touch the hem of his garment.
Secondly, regarding those screaming, “Waaaaaaaaaah, Jon Ossoff didn’t think about how this would affect NATALIEEEEEEEE”?
Fuck off. Natalie is fucking weird and gross, let’s talk a whole bunch more shit about her.
As has been noted, if Republicans had just shut up instead of Streisand-Effecting this thing to death, they could have denied Ossoff the viral moment he was going for, and nobody would be talking about Natalie Harp right now. Her existence wasn’t a secret anyway, he didn’t reveal anything new. But nothing had happened that made people really focus on her, and the way the news cycle is under the Trump regime, there’s a good chance nobody ever would’ve.
But these fucking losers are so desperate for their “Won’t somebody think of the innocent blonde women Donald Trump keeps on his lap!” narrative, and, perversely, the attendant suggestion that he’s a virile man whose penis hasn’t crawled back up inside his body to die, that they couldn’t fuckin’ shut up.
So now we get to talk about what a goddamned creep Natalie really is.
We knew she wrote love letters to him about how he’s everything to her, her entire world, she basically thinks he’s Jesus. “You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more,” she wrote one time. In another, “I want things to always be right between us.”
We knew people call her the “human printer,” because her body produces ink like a squid she follows him around with an old-timey appliance that prints out articles and tweets that make him feel better about himself. We knew Maggie Haberman says she’s like Trump’s binkie, which is funny because a binkie is a thing you shove in a baby’s mouth to make them stop crying.
But there is sooooo much more. This woman makes Laura Loomer look like a real and normal presidential adviser. (Notably, she’s also the gatekeeper who reportedly lets Loomer in.)
Michael Wolff wrote in his book All Or Nothing about how Harp is a Liberty University MBA and One America News alum who thinks she survived bone cancer because of Trump’s “Right to Try” law in his first term, despite how that is just not true. Trump refers to the tweets and articles Natalie prints out for him as “my papers,” like a dementia patient might refer to the day’s balloon animals as “my employees.” (Sometimes she hides her love and devotion letters in those papers.)
One time she spent an entire summer sleeping in the women’s locker room at Bedminster so she could be close to Trump, after his staff had tried to make her go away by not giving her a normal human bed in which to sleep, after which she weaseled her way into a maid’s room, but that was too far from himmmmmmmmmm.
Reportedly in 2023, Trump really wanted to put an “H” in her name, to pronounce it as “Nathalie.” He would say it all the time to people on the phone, because you know how his brain is made of raccoons when it gets fixated. She asked, “Do you like it, Mr. President?” That’s right, she was willing to change her name for him. No, not her last name.
The Secret Service has reportedly long been concerned about this Natalie situation. Even Eric thinks it’s weird, if Wolff is to be believed. Just read this passage from Wolff (sure, Wonkette Bookshop affiliate link, why not!) writing about the scene circa 2023 or so:
Even the Secret Service had now weighed in: Natalie was, as a security consideration, they advised, a potential danger to herself as well as to the president. But no one was going to tell Trump that.
And it was hardly just the personal weirdness. Once, earlier in the summer, on the plane, becoming a cautionary tale whenever Natalie’s name came up, an abrupt takeoff had sent the pages Natalie constantly fed Trump from the printer—carefully assembled with Trump’s signature gold paper clips, faithfully carried by him in a beige Lululemon bag—flying off his table, and everyone had to suddenly scurry to collect them, seeing, dumbfounded, the contents. What everyone saw was a random collection of out-of-date articles and printouts from obscure websites and fan artwork downloaded from strange Trump-adoring places on the internet—all of which he was hoarding like these were national secrets.
One time that same year, Natalie insisted that she was supposed to get to go to Trump’s criminal trial with him that day, but there was no room in the SUV. (A running theme emerges of Trump people trying to remove Natalie from Trump, and her subsequent scheming to slither her way back in.)
A screaming match in the lobby ensued, with Harp insisting that Trump had personally asked her to attend the court appearance, two sources familiar with the matter told CNN. Denied a seat but determined not to be left behind, Harp jumped into an SUV trunk, according to the two sources and confirmed by a photo obtained by CNN.
You know those nights when Trump is awake posting AI slop all night long? It changes your mental picture now that you know more about Natalie, doesn’t it? Also potentially colors Alex Isenstadt’s reporting for his forthcoming book that Melania has “stumbled upon Harp late at night in Trump’s private quarters at Mar-a-Lago, an area that was typically off-limits to those outside Trump’s family.” According to his book, some Trump advisers think Natalie is kind of a Glenn Close Fatal Attraction type.
And here’s another line from Wolff that really puts this all in perspective:
Curiously, there was little supposition that Natalie might be the “bit on the side.”
Of course there wasn’t. Never has been. Nobody has ever thought he was fucking her. Ever. If he’s putting his mouth on her at all, we would imagine it really is like a binkie situation. The dementia patient wraps his gums around Natalie’s armpit or her foot and just, you know, goes to Binkietown.
Lot easier to picture than Trump utilizing his 80-year-old penis.
Jon Ossoff Ain’t Care
If they thought they were going to get Ossoff to apologize, bless their hearts.
First of all, God bless Jon Ossoff, who is probably about to beat his “crumbling little bigot” opponent in Georgia by 10 points or more. He didn’t do anything besides verbalize out loud something that it sounds like most of Washington, including Trump’s own people, have been talking about forever, a woman who creeps literally everyone in the entire US government out. Now, Trump’s defenders are being forced to go to bat for a woman who has always personally given them the heebie jeebies too.
So that’s hilarious.
Last night, Jen Psaki tried to press him on MS NOW on “Why You Talk About Natalie?” Ossoff doubled down:
“We’re in wartime. The commander in chief has mired us in this geopolitical disaster. People have lost their lives. Our naval logistics are frayed. The global energy system is in crisis. And he retreats into this bubble of West Wing aides who are his security blanket to make him feel good about himself, to reassure him that he’s doing a great job, to help him while he designs his new ballroom.” […]
“They have treated the lives of our service members as pawns in a geopolitical game in which they are in way over their head. And this debacle, this fiasco, this fundamental failure of the basic obligations of the commander in chief is something that will define Trump’s life, presidency and legacy for all time. And they know that. And that’s why they’re lashing out in this way.”
When Psaki pressed even more about why her, Ossoff just said, “Well, I’ve heard this particular aide referred to as his security blanket. And I think we could say that about any number of the senior aides in the White House. They’re not telling him what he needs to hear. They’re telling him what he wants to hear.”
So there you have it.
One of the latest queen-outs from the White House comms department emanates from spox Davis Ingle, who shrieks in part that “Jon Ossoff is a cringeworthy, feminine theatre kid cosplaying as Barack Obama.”
Which is funny because this is that “cringeworthy, feminine theatre kid”:
And this is Donald Trump, who looks like he has a lot of things in his underpants that do not smell very good:
Bless Dingle Bingle’s heart, or whatever his MAGA name is. It must suck having to defend President Squelchy Poots and the creeper lady who always somehow manages to hide in the wheel well of the plane every time they try to take off without her.
In related news, nobody has seen Melania in public for over a month. She OK?
Somebody should make sure Natalie didn’t git her.
[Vanity Fair / CNN / MeidasTouch]
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WEMUSTRESPEKWOMMENNNNNNNNNN!
Oh hi
Monica Lewinsky says hello to all of your hypocritical asses.
This from the people who made jokes about an 82 year old man getting attacked with a hammer in his own home in the middle of the night. Spare me.