The 10 Most Important Lessons From '80s Vampire Movies! Tabs, Mon., Oct. 23, 2023

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Oh no, Biden crime family and the $200,000 bribecheck! Marcy Wheeler’s got you covered for James Comer’s latest hilarious bullshits. (Emptywheel)

How Crimin’ Biden is canceling more than a hundred billion dollars in student loans, what a crimer! — CNN

A good Dan Froomkin on the boldness of the Washington Post and New York Times (for them) in calling out the GOP House thuggery, and the “moderates” finally going on record and calling it out. (PressWatchers)

Oh what a lovely shutdown it shall be.

(1) Republicans in the House need to exhaust all their Speaker candidates first, (2) get livid about it, (3) scream for more days, (4) go through the rest of the five stages of grief, then (5) argue about what they’ll ask of Jeffries, (6) Jeffries will respond “That’s a nice first offer — try again,” (7) more GOP screaming behind closed doors, (8) somebody punches out Matt Gaetz in the Cloak Room, and (9) we wind up with Democrats helping to overwhelmingly elect somebody like McHenry (who House Democrats already think well of), and (10) we get a House that limps along until 2024 with no transformative legislation passed in the meantime but is beholden to Democrats and we get to keep the lights on and Israel and Ukraine aid-ed until (11) something structurally changes within the House Republican conference or the numbers in the House change due to the elections next year, or both.

— Cassidy Steele Dale

If you haven’t heard, self-anointed “civil rights leader” Shaun King has announced that he helped free two of Hamas’s American hostages. Black people been yelling for years that people need to stop buying Shaun King houses, anyway, here’s a fun (blech) old one from 2020, asking where this particular batch of money went. (Daily Beast)

Samantha Woll, the Detroit synagogue president murdered in front of her Detroit home. For what it’s worth, which is nothing, I can’t imagine someone would go looking for a Jewish person to murder early in the morning at her house; there’s easier places to find us. I would assume something much more random. But Jewish people are feeling extraordinarily targeted right now. If you comment that we deserve it, I will ban you for good. And if you suspect I might be talking to you specifically, I am. — Detroit Free Press

Yeah, the babies were beheaded, plus more, and worse, as determined by the forensic pathologists. I’m looking at the pro-Palestinian marches with giant banners “BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY” and I see the means and if you think those means are necessary then I am sad in my heart and we are not friends. (Media Line)

Netanyahu can get fucked. And is. (That said, I’m unpersuaded by the insinuations that Netanyahu liberalized too much, with possible “intelligence” for the Hamas attack coming from Gazans given increased Israeli work permits, etc.) — The Atlantic

Aid is getting through to Gaza over Israel’s objections, at Joe Biden’s insistence. Perhaps, maybe? a resurrection of the two-state solution, which Hamas rejects, Netanyahu relied on Hamas to undermine, Jared’s Middle East “peace deal” undercut, and all the rest. I have no idea, y’all already know I don’t know shit. (Heather Cox Richardson)

Is there a Republican in the land who’s not a sniveling thief? Go to prison, Florida legislator who wrote “Don’t Say Gay”! — Politico

Speaking of thieves, how much of the (small) increase in retail shrinkage is because everybody’s just stealing at the self-checkout? Plus all the other ways it sucks. (The Atlantic)

The big three auto companies paid their CEOs a billion dollars over the past 12 years. No, JUST THE CEO’S. Bloomberg gift link good for four more days.

Install solar panels, go to jail? Just one item from a Radley Balko absolute screed on some dumb cock of a sheriff:

The deputies apparently suspected that the couple’s unusually low energy consumption was evidence of a marijuana operation — they must have been stealing power from a neighbor. As probable cause, it was thin gruel, which is probably why the deputies didn’t bother getting a warrant. The deputies found no evidence of criminal activity. They then raided another home the couple owned, which also came up empty. As it turns out, the couple had a low energy bill because they had installed solar panels.

The nazi chick — with children named “Aryan” and “Nation” — who ran down Mika Westwolf in our old Montana neighborhood has been arrested at last. (Missoulian)

I signed up for a sweepstakes (I know, it’s dumb, but it’s brainless and soothing) and these people ended up in my inbox? And they’re WONDERFUL? Why am I having to give my email to some timesuck I’m never going to win to find out about Important, Not Important?

BRB gotta buy some black vodka. Halloween potluck ideas from Martha Stewart aqui.

I saw Lost Boys on my very first date, in eighth grade. I rewatched it a few years ago, and: Did you know it’s not very “good”? Lessons from ‘80s vampire movies at Classic Nerd.

Don’t forget, this Saturday night!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like WONKETTE DETROIT HALLOWE'EN!

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