Trump Runs From Second Harris Debate Like It's A Flight Of Stairs
Trump Runs From Second Harris Debate Like It's A Flight Of Stairs
Well well well, looks like the braggart's chickens have come home to roost.
To paraphrase one of the great villains of American cinema in the 1980s, what’s wrong, Trump? Chicken????
That is the question observers are asking after Kamala Harris on Saturday agreed to a second presidential debate against former President Brainworms, to be held on October 23 on CNN. Trump’s response? Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.
Okay, he did not literally make chicken noises, probably out of sheer laziness, which is second only to lying in prominence amongst his character traits. Wait, we forgot the narcissism.
Narcissism, lying, and then we get to laziness in the taxonomy.
What Trump actually told a rally crowd in North Carolina later on Saturday was that it is “too late” for another debate because early voting has already started in some states. Which might sound like a good excuse in the howling windswept void of his mind, but doesn’t mean squat in reality. (Go ahead and look up the dates of past debates compared to early voting. We’ll wait.)
In response, the Harris campaign is now planning an ad campaign of billboards showing Trump in a chicken suit. Plus there was this from NBC News:
The DNC originally said that they would be sending staffers dressed in chicken suits to Trump rallies as part of this messaging campaign, but after publication on Monday, a spokesperson for the group said that this would no longer occur. Instead, a pro-Harris student group at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania College — where Trump is speaking — would send inflatable chickens to his rally there instead.
We actually don’t think this will rile Trump. The way to rile him is … well, to get him on stage and then verbally shiv him, as Harris did two weeks ago. But maybe he’s spiraling hard enough that the sight of some coeds wearing rented San Diego Chicken costumes will goad him back to the debate stage, who knows.
There are risks to a debate less than two weeks before Election Day for any candidate, but we can see the logic from Harris’s point of view. She clobbered Trump so badly in the September 10 debate that very few Republicans would defend him. Her campaign got days and days of earned media out of it, particularly when video clips of Trump’s frothing “Haitians are eating your pets” rant kept getting replayed. You can still go back and watch it and see his eyeballs rolling around in his skull like a couple of dice bouncing the length of a craps table.
So of course Harris’s campaign would love to bait Orange Julius into another grimacing, psychotic performance less than two weeks before the election, complete with some insane tangent in which he swears up and down to the American people that migrants are training parakeets to eat old people or something. The footage would get passed around online and laughed at right up to the moment people walk into the voting booths.
Or maybe Trump would take a page from his new friend Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and spend the debate swearing up and down that on day one of his presidency, he’ll get the fluoride out of the water and get to the bottom of this whole chemtrails thing.
Fluoride in the water, calling his opponent a communist … what’s next, freaking out about the Soviets launching a satellite?
Either way, another debate is worth the risk for Harris. Trump has been flailing trying to spin his first debate performance since almost the minute it ended, hollering about Twitter polls showing he won and sending out his biggest lickspittles to gobble his knob, verbally speaking, while claiming that it is actually Harris who tanked in the debate and is now desperate for a second chance.
For instance, Corey Lewandowski went on Newsmax to sniff that Trump already beat Biden in a debate so why should he debate Harris again, or something, we’re not sure:
“We have proven that Donald Trump has engaged in debates. He undertook and engaged in maybe the greatest debate performance ever when he knocked Joe Biden out of the race. Trump’s going to have an opportunity this election to do something no Republican has ever done. He’s going to beat two Democratic nominees for president to go on and win the White House, not just one.”
God we’ve missed Lewandowski, with his gift for hyperbole and his face like a cast-iron frying pan.
Of course Trump will happily take the debate stage if the debate is on Fox and Jesse Watters or Laura Ingraham agrees to moderate it — maybe — but luckily the rest of the American political system still has some tiny shreds of dignity to cling to.
But just in case anyone on Trump’s campaign reads Wonkette, may we suggest a new campaign song? Make sure you get the rights to this one.
Know who would REALLY never give him the rights? Indigo Girls would really never give him the rights.
The end.
[NBC News]
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I feel like if Trump really wanted to make chicken man his theme, the indigo girls would have to let him. It's too good.
Yellow is the new orange.