Trump Says Seven Impossible Things About Iran Before Breakfast
Why yes, 'I want to do war crimes' is in there.
Donald Trump keeps saying and posting a confusing mess of lies and threats about the US-Israel military attacks on Iran, creating his very own personal fog of war. Trump claimed on his fake twitter account Monday (Bluesky link) that the US is in “serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME” in Iran, although by all accounts, the new Iranian Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, is more hardline and conservative than his father, who was killed in the first day of the war. Needless to say, Iran says there are no negotiations underway; at most, the two nations have exchanged (and both rejected) some lists of demands through intermediaries in Pakistan.
Trump then immediately pivoted from predicting an agreement any moment now to open the Strait of Hormuz, to issuing a threat to do some war crimes by attacking civilian infrastructure including power plants and water desalination plants.
Despite any number of Twitter posts by serious experts like MAGA Dave Bunchanumbers who pointed out that America in WWII had no worries about firebombing Dresden and Tokyo, international law is pretty clear that attacking targets “Indispensable to the Survival of the Civilian Population” is a war crime, all right.
Yes, even if you announce/threaten it with a funny joke. Roughly 2000 people have been killed in Iran as of Monday, with the number of those wounded approaching 25,000, according to Iran’s health ministry. That’s not including the more than 1200 dead (and 3500+ injured) from Israeli attacks on Lebanon, or the casualties from Iran’s attacks on other countries in the region.
Haha, lovely visit, we’ll be leaving soon, or in years.
In other important Trump communications about the war, White House Propaganda Minister Karoline Leavitt told reporters Monday that actually, reopening the Strait of Hormuz is not among Trump’s “core objectives” in the war to raise oil prices, destabilize the Middle East, and Keep Bibi and Vlad Happy.
Asked whether Trump is considering declaring victory and getting the hell out, even if Iran keeps blocking the Strait, Leavitt explained, “The full reopening of the Strait is something the Administration is working towards, but the core objectives of the operation have been clearly defined for the American people by the Commander in Chief.” Those goals, she said, included destroying Iran’s navy and degrading its missile and drone infrastructure, and preventing Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, which was already unlikely before the war.
The Wall Street Journal reports that in recent days Trump has floated with aides the “strategy” of just letting Iran block the Strait (gift link), according to “administration officials.” (Note the phrasing, which suggests it’s an approved-but-not-for-attribution leak, not insiders offering information but requesting anonymity.)
Great Leader and his team have supposedly “assessed that a mission to pry open the chokepoint would push the conflict beyond his timeline of four to six weeks,” so he doesn’t want to do that. Instead, Trump is inclined to settle for attacking missile and drone sites and hoping that diplomatic fumbling will work to restore trade. But if that fails, the Journal says, Trump “would press allies in Europe and the Gulf to take the lead on reopening the strait” themselves, without the US bothering to get involved. After all, Trump is certain that since the US pumps enough oil for domestic use, other countries can fuck off, especially if they won’t help him out of the disaster he created.
Great Leader underlined his brilliant geopolitical thinking with another fuckheaded social media post Tuesday morning (Wonkette link), in which he said US allies could either buy all their oil from the USA or “go to the Strait & just TAKE IT.”
Somebody should probably tell Trump that if other countries were to buy up US oil output, that would still mean shortages and higher prices for oil here, because high production or not, we can’t cover the 20 percent of world oil supplies that go through the Strait. But he doesn’t bother with little facts like that, and he really resents our useless “allies” who won’t help him turn his big black eye into a big feather in his cap for the midterms.
Hahaha, we are joking again. Nobody briefs Trump on anything beyond showing him ‘splodey videos. He wouldn’t act any differently if he were getting better information anyway.
Also on Tuesday, Trump told CBS News, nah, we aren’t leaving yet, just kidding, but we might take our bombers and go home real soon. “At some point I will, not quite yet, but countries have to come in and take care of it,” Trump said in a phone interview. “Iran has been decimated, but they’re going to have to come in and do their own work.”
He also groused mightily about how European countries aren’t going to war to take Iran’s oil for themselves, like sane countries should. Kudos to whatever Bari Weiss-era CBS editor took the risk of quoting Trump’s ramble at some length here:
“I'll be there, but if they're having a hard time getting oil, let them come and take it like they're supposed to. Let them come up and take it. They didn't want to give a hand to anybody. NATO is terrible, and they're all terrible. So if they want oil, come up and grab it. There's no real threat, there's no substantial threat because the country [Iran] has been decimated,” he said. “Let them come up and take it. It's about time they did something for themselves.” [incredulous boldface added — Dok Zoom]
Trump also promised, as did Leavitt, that the minute the US attacks on Iran end — probably right about the time he offers a healthcare plan to replace Obamacare — then US gas prices will immediately return to prewar levels, even though that’s not how prices ever behave after a massive supply chain disruption (post pandemic inflation, anyone? Haha, kidding, that was all Biden’s fault, worldwide).
Leavitt insisted to CBS News, “When Operation Epic Fury is complete, gas prices will plummet back to the multi-year lows American drivers enjoyed before these short-term disruptions.” Just like grocery prices did right after Trump took office, you know.
Trump is clearly enjoying living in a complete fantasy world where the US can simply walk away from the mess it made and let other countries figure out how to deal with it. Maybe he even believes the US economy won’t be affected by sharply higher oil prices, fertilizer shortages for US agribusiness, slowdowns in supplies of critical materials like helium, disruptions to international shipping far beyond the Strait of Hormuz, that sort of thing.
Of course, if Trump is really planning to walk away, that doesn’t explain why thousands more Marines, Army paratroopers, and equipment are being deployed to the region. Maybe it’ll be like the National Guard deployment to Washington DC, and Gulf oil states will just end up with cleaner parks and a few people’s cars crushed by soldiers who can’t drive MRAPs in traffic.
[NBC News / ICRC / Time / WSJ (gift link) / CBS News]
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The difference between Iran and Vietnam is that Trump knew how to get out of Vietnam.
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Wife: Dear, shouldn't you tell them you stole that from a No Kings protest sign?
Me: Naw, by now they all know that I steal most of my stuff.
I feel like this president is a pile of pig shit that needs to be shoveled.