Trump Trial Day 15: Hey, Y'All Hear About This Fat $$$ They Paid Jailbird CFO Not To Testify?

It’s going to be Michael Cohen Monday!

Cry, Madeleine Westerhout, cry.

It was a drizzly Friday in Manhattan, and hashtag Orangeturd was trending on Xitter. The turd in question started the day on the courtroom steps, engaging in his ritual bitching about how unfair, unconstitutional, disgraceful, awful life is for him, and again how the courtroom is “freezing cold.”

Eric was not there, probably buying more skin lotion, nor were any other family members. But there was Judge Boxwine Jeanine, Boris Epshteyn was hanging in, and the Trump campaign’s Susie Wiles appeared. 

Friday was a duller day in court, and Trump “closed his eyes” for long stretches again. How could anything top Stormy Daniels, really? It was all about admitting phone records, social media posts and the movements of those payments, the dry meat of this trial. The big news is that Michael Cohen will be on the stand Monday, so of course Trump lawyers again started whining UNFAIR that Trump can’t attack him.

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Trump Day 14: Desperately Smearing Stormy

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“Mr. Cohen continues to go on TikTok, in a T-shirt with President Trump in jail on it.” HA! WANT! “We ask you to order the People to order the witness to not talk about President Trump until the case is over,” huffed Trump attorney Todd Blanche. Judge Juan Merchan told prosecutors to ask Cohen to please give it a rest over the weekend.

First up, Merchan quashed a defense attempt to subpoena former ADA Mark Pomeranz, remember the guy who worked for DA Alvin Bragg and quit when he wasn’t prosecuting Trump fast enough? Merchan said the subpoena was issued improperly, plus demanded inadmissible work product, so, womp, denied, and then there was a sidebar of about 20 minutes, probably just Todd and Susan bellyaching again.

Then it was weepy Madeleine Westerhout back on the stand, Trump’s former “greeter girl” at the White House, who got triggered into tears on Thursday recounting how she got YOUR FIRED from her job for a “youthful indiscretion,” which was dishing to a reporter at a boozy dinner. The unflattering details she leaked? According to Politico’s Daniel Lippman, “bragging to reporters that she had a better relationship with Trump than his own daughters, Ivanka and Tiffany Trump, and that the president did not like being in pictures with Tiffany because he perceived her as overweight.”

Believable! Tiffany should show up in the peanut gallery in a fat suit.

Westerhout testified to the winding way Trump got his personal checks, by having them sent to the homes of bodyguard Keith Schiller and assistant John McEntee to be delivered to him for signing, instead of the White House. Defense lawyer Susan Necheles tried to get Westerhout to say that was a very normal thing to do, because the White House mail was slow. Also that Trump was probably upset that his family might see the Stormy Daniels story, he’s such a family man, and wasn’t Trump just a really busy guy who signed a lot of stuff and multitasked? Sure. You don’t remember him speaking to Allen Weisselberg? Trump talked to a lot of people!

Her agreeableness pleased Trump — she’s actually been the only witness even slightly helpful to him at all — and he smiled at her and mouthed something as she left the courtroom, so all must be forgiven about that “fat Tiffany” thing.

Then it was a guy from AT&T, Daniel Dixon, who verified Michael Cohen, Keith Davidson, and Allen Weisselberg’s phone numbers, and calls Cohen made, to Hope Hicks, Dylan Howard, David Pecker, and Allen Weisselberg.

And break! Wherein Trump attorneys started howling that they don’t want Judge Merchan to admit a 1999 Trump interview with Larry King, where he claimed he’s an expert in campaign finance laws, because of course he did. The defense wins this one, for a change! No Larry King. RIP, Larry. Remember how he had eight wives?

In that interview Trump also said he would run as an independent for the “Reform” party because the Republicans are too far right, and “Oprah” would be his VP choice. “I love Oprah, also would always be my first choice, she’s really a great woman. [...] She’d be fantastic, she’s brilliant … she’s like me.” He also says he liked Bill Clinton “a lot”: “He could've had a great presidency if the whole thing with Monica, and Paula Jones, and worst of all, Linda Tripp, she’s the woman from hell.” How times do change!

Remember when Gary Hart dropped out of the race because he got caught with a lady on his lap who was not his wife?

Back in court, it’s Georgia Longstreet again. She’s that paralegal whose mind-numbing job is to weed through Trump’s social media posts. The posts in question on this day: Trump praising Michael Cohen, then abruptly reversing himself to talk shit. From “Michael Cohen is a fine person w/a wonderful family” and “Cohen received a monthly retainer through which he entered into a NDA b/t 2 people. These are common. Purpose was to stop false accusations by Stormy Daniels. Private agreement, w/ non campaign $.”

Tweeted he,

“The New York Times and a third rate reporter named Maggie Haberman, known as a crooked H flunkie who I don’t speak to and have nothing to do with, are going out of their way to destroy Michael Cohen and his relationship with me in hopes that he will “flip.” They use.. Non-existent “sources” and a drunk/drugged up loser who hates Michael, a fine person with a wonderful family. Most people will flip if the Government lets them out of trouble even if…it means lying or making up stories. Sorry, I don’t see Michael doing that despite the horrible Witch Hunt and dishonest media!”

 Then, a few months later: “If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest you do not retain Michael Cohen!”

Trump also Tweeted praise for Paul Manafort for his loyalty: ”Manafort, unlike Cohen, refused to break, make up stories to get a good deal.” So pleased with his loyalty, Trump has reportedly floated him as a possible campaign helper again. Trump likes helpers who go to prison for him!

There was more text dirt from Stormy Daniels’s manager Gina Rodriguez to Dylan Howard: “Stormy Daniels was his mistress... She will talk under two conditions. She doesn't want to go on record.  she will take a [redacted, presumably polygraph].  She wants 100k.”

Then in October the haggling got more intense, and the price went up.

Texted Gina: “We're not doing the Trump deal. They didn't pay when they said they would and they keep trying to buy more time. Daily Mail wants it bad so we will do that. Their loss.” Eventually Howard talked Gina down to $120,000, and Gina texts, “sold.”

The last witness of the day: David Jarmel-Schneider, a paralegal at the DA’s office, who helpfully made a chart of those 34 payments.

The jury was dismissed early for the weekend, and then it was, how do you solve a problem like Allen Weisselberg? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? He’s a major figure who’s conspicuously missing. And where could he be? Why, Rikers! And neither side wants to hear from him, because he’s a jailed perjurer who is liable to say any crazy old thing. And as it it turns out Allen’s got a hush money deal of his own that we heard about for the first time on Friday, which will net him three installments of $250,000 for not testifying. 

Prosecutor Chris Conroy read out part of the contract that says Weisselberg promises “not to verbally or in writing disparage, criticize, denigrate” the company or any of its executives, and in another section he promises “he will not communicate with” and “otherwise will not cooperate with” any entity seeking “adverse claims” against the company, unless by subpoena. Sure seems kind of like getting paid to abet a criminal conspiracy! But there it is, and here we are. So what to tell a jury? And can prosecutors bring in that hinky agreement if Allen isn’t there? 

“Has anyone attempted having him come in in some way ... serving him with a subpoena or trying to compel his testimony?” Judge Merchan asked.

“Judge, the people have not,” a prosecutor responded. 

“We don’t think it’s relevant … It’s just a rabbit hole that is just unnecessary,” said Emil Oil-of-Bove.

But judge says no Allen, no severance agreement allowed. Too bad.

Once unleashed onto the courthouse steps, Defendant Trump held his ream of printouts, and fumed again.

“Somebody paid a lawyer, and in paying the lawyer, so it was a legal expense, that somebody happened to be me, I didn’t do the bookkeeping, I didn’t even know about it, but a very good bookkeeper marked a legal expense down as a legal expense, they didn’t call it construction, they didn’t call it building something, or concrete, or an electrical cost, they called it very simply a legal expense to a lawyer, they called it legal expense, it’s a legal fee, and we called it a legal expense. That’s what this case was about.”

Because unless it has STORMY DANIELS PAYOFF in the note line, it doesn’t count! Funny, in court filings for Stormy Daniels’s defamation case, his own lawyers called it a “reimbursement.”

“Trump admitted that Defendant reimbursed EC for EC’s $130,000 payment to [Daniels].” Whadoops!

He rattled his papers, printouts from the lady who follows him around with a printer and keeps stuffing papers in his hand like a Chupa Chup for an antsy toddler.

He claimed the papers contained the opinions of legal experts: 

“Story after story. Hannity, big story, they’re all big, Dershowitz, Jonathan Turley, Andrew McCarthy, they’ve all been amazing. They’re not friends. Nobody is friends. And they’re writing and saying they’ve never seen anything like that. [...] I’d hand you the articles,  but I’m not allowed to, I could go to jail…”

He also attacked President Biden, claiming: “He lies, he lies, about everything including his golf game, because he can’t hit a ball, he can’t hit a ball a hundred yards.” Does Biden even play golf? Always projection, with this guy.

Meanwhile, Stormy posted a happy pic toasting with her cutie husband to her Insta. Where’s your spouse, Donald?

Melanie is still down at the golf motel, and she announced Barron won't be an RNC delegate after all. She doesn’t want him mixed up in that life! And in an interview his dad got his age wrong.

Where will next week take us? Prosecutors are saying they may wrap it up, and there’s only three days of court, because Trump has to go to Barron’s graduation.

Can’t wait!