Tulsi Gabbard, It Is Your Time To GTFO!
Goodbye Tulsi G, though we never knew you at all ...
We now bid a less-than-fond goodbye to Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, who on Friday announced she is leaving the job and the Trump administration altogether. Since “Aloha” can be used as a farewell, let us say to Gabbard with our entire chest, “FUCKIN’ ALOHA, YOU DIMWITTED POOP FUNNEL!”
Oh no! Now who in the government will Bashar al-Assad call when he wants to have a gab or find out which of his bodyguards is nailing his wife?
We will add a caveat here. Gabbard says she is resigning because her husband was recently diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer. Which is an awful thing to face. Cancer sucks! We send Tulsi’s hubs our wishes for a speedy recovery.
The cancer diagnosis is also a very convenient and face-saving excuse for Gabbard to do what the administration has reportedly been pressuring her to do for months: resign. Journalist Jake Lahut had reported at the end of April that the DNI had been told to pack up her stuff and vacate the job no later than the midterms in November. Another source told Reuters on Friday that the White House had forced her out, presumably on the grounds that she sucked.
Besides sucking, the reasons for wanting her gone were apparently numerous. Donald Trump was supposedly mad that she hadn’t been a lot more enthusiastic about all the wars he keeps starting. There was some sort of brewing scandal in which she had apparently refused to share a whistleblower report alleging “grave damage to national security” with Congress.
There was also the time a while back when she made a big deal about releasing a report supposedly proving that Barack Obama and the Deep State and Hugo Chavez and Chinese triads and who knows who else, maybe Weird Al Yankovic or the ghost of Nell Carter or a twelve-pack of Rolling Rock, had all gotten together to accuse Trump of conspiring with Russia in a desperate attempt to sabotage his 2016 campaign. Only her document dump proved nothing even remotely close to that (pro tip, Tuls: If Matt Taibbi thinks you got it right, you did not get it right) and the whole mishegas went nowhere. That likely did not help her standing.
One area where Trump reportedly was happy with Gabbard for some reason was in her efforts to prove that the 2020 election had been stolen in Georgia by the Venezuelans who were bouncing signals off Italian satellites down to Chinese-made thermostats that could hack into voting machines in various polling places, or whatever the batshit theory was. Gabbard had gone with the FBI down to Georgia in January to seize Fulton County’s ballots and voting machines with the hope of proving the theft somehow. Why was the Director of National Intelligence, whose job is generally to oversee collection of foreign intelligence, swiping American ballots on American soil? No one knows, but the only reasons are either shady or stupid. Because it’s the Trump administration, we’ll assume it was both.
Trump has now lost four Cabinet members — well, three, Gabbard is a Cabinet-level position — in four months. This after supposedly swearing to not fire any Cabinet members this term because he didn’t want to give the media any scalps. But some people are so terrible that even he can’t deal with them anymore. Shoot, Gary Busey lasted way longer on The Apprentice.
So Gabbard is gone, not to be seen again until she inevitably shows up on Fox in a few weeks. Now all we have to worry about is what conspiracy-soaked idiot will take her place. Might Trump try to bring back Michael Flynn, who served as DNI during two of the Obama years before he got canned for being insane? Might Trump add DNI to Marco Rubio’s portfolio, on the grounds that Rubio is already serving as National Security Advisor and how much different could this job be? Might he pluck some congressional rep or senator from the bowels of the Capitol? Maybe he rolls over in bed one night, elbows Laura Loomer, and asks her if she wants the gig?
Yeah, we said it and we regret nothing.
[Reuters]
Rudy is tan, resuscitated and ready -- just sayin'.
I hope that the next time I see or hear anything from this lunatic is under oath, as a hostile witness, being questioned by a personally offended, young, smart, savage federal prosecutor with a taste, no, a fetish for revenge...