Zombie Nikki Haley Pulls 22 Percent In Indiana GOP Primary, Probably Bad News For Biden Somehow

Womp womp.

A couple weeks ago, as Donald Trump was just getting started waddling every day into a courtroom in New York where he was on trial as a loudly farting criminal defendant, Pennsylvania had its Republican primary. And Nikki Haley, who dropped out one million years ago, still managed to pull 17 percent of the vote.

This has been pretty consistent, Haley winning 14 or 18 percent, even after she dropped out. But at this point, she dropped out a LONG TIME AGO.

And in Indiana last night, Nikki Haley won 20 percent. Bad news for Joe Biden and RFK’s literal brain worm! (It can’t be bad news for Trump because nothing is ever.)

Oh wait, did we say 20 percent? That must be because we typed that before we read the most updated count. We meant she’s sitting at 21.8 percent with more than 95 percent of the vote counted.

JK, we’d say Donald Trump has a problem. Maybe a bunch of voters like candidates who aren’t perennial losers who are currently charged with one million felonies, and with one criminal trial that’s (miraculously, it turns out) actually begun.

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If you take a closer look at the results in Indiana, you notice that Haley’s vote is much bigger in the central counties where humans outnumber cows. In some of those areas, she’s pulling in fully 35 percent of the vote. So that’s just more evidence of the urban/rural divide in the US, and the fact that MAGA is mostly a rural white nationalist movement. (Politico notes that the two counties in question — Marion, where Indianapolis is, and Hamilton, the northern Indy suburbs — are places where Joe Biden really upped the Democratic numbers in 2020.)

Overall, over 128,000 people came out in Indiana’s Republican primary — long after the primary was sewn up — to say fuck Donald Trump.

And yes, Indiana is what’s known as a “partially open” primary state, but any MAGA Republican placing their hopes in the idea that this result came about because of Democrats who put in the effort to vote in the Republican primary yesterday is what’s known as an idiot.

There’s nothing to worry about, MAGA world.

Shhhhhhhh.

Nikki Haley Still Got Almost 17 Percent Of Pennsylvania Primary Vote, How About That?

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Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

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