Alina Habba Debuts Genius Strategy In New Trump Defamation Trial, Just Kidding She's Still A Dipshit

Had you going for a minute, just kidding no we didn't.

Jan 17, 2024

Wonkette has already discussed how Donald Trump spent the first day of the new defamation trial against him, to decide how much money he will pay E. Jean Carroll for defaming her in 2019, when he was president. That’s the only question here. Reminder: There is no question of whether Trump is guilty. He has been found by a jury of his peers to be liable for sexually assaulting Carroll, and for defaming her. Trump spent yesterday defaming her more on Truth Social.

Here are a couple highlights and lowlights from the courtroom on Tuesday:

When Trump Was In There He Was ‘Scowling’ And ‘Glaring’ At Potential Jurors

He also nodded at two prospective jurors who agreed the 2020 election was RIGGED and STOLLEN. They did not make the jury.

Jurors’ Identities Will Be Kept Secret, EVEN FROM THEMSELVES

We know how Donald Trump is about committing flagrant witness intimidation, and how his supporters are about threatening and committing acts of violence against anyone who might hold him accountable.

So US District Court Judge Lewis Kaplan ain’t taking chances:

Jurors selected for the trial will remain anonymous, even to the parties, lawyers and judicial staff, and will be driven to and from the courthouse from an undisclosed location for their safety, Kaplan said.

He’s suggesting they don’t tell each other their real names, and telling them not to tell anyone they’re serving on this jury.

Alina Habba: Shitty Lawyer With Fool For A Client

MeidasTouch has a whole roundup of how opening arguments went. An excerpt of the opening from the Carroll side:

[Carroll lawyer Shawn] Crowley said that she would show them the threatening text messages and hundreds of other threats Carroll has received on a daily basis after Trump unleashed his followers on her, and has never stopped doing so until the present day. Crowley then asked the jury, "How much money will it take to get him to stop? Because he hasn't stopped."

While legal observers will be glad to hear Trump lawyer Alina Habba didn’t tell the judge how glad she is that she’s hot, her opening statement wasn’t much more impressive than that. Here’s how she started:

Habba: President Trump defended himself when publicly accused -- Carroll's lawyer: Objection, Your Honor! Judge Kaplan: Don't go much further. Habba: Her career has prospered. She has been thrust back into the limelight like she always wanted

Habba argued that Carroll is more famous than ever, despite a few “mean tweets” from Trump. The argument seems to be that Carroll got rich and famous off being sexually assaulted by Donald J. Trump. Wait did we say seems to be?

We know Trump’s pigfuck lawyers would rather protest that they’re saying Carroll got rich and famous off falsely accusing Trump, but they’re not allowed to argue that in court, and if they do the other side will scream “Objection!” and the judge will say “Sustained!” and Alina Habba will be the world’s biggest fucking idiot again.

It also sounds like Habba got in on the slut-shaming like Trump did on Truth Social yesterday, bringing up articles Carroll had written on sexy subjects.

Habba: She wrote about "frigid women." And "a dog in heat... Men Catching Made Easy, Mr. Right, Right Now." And "What Do We Need Men For"? These books featured her face on the cover. She moved from Montana to NY because the quiet life didn't suit her

Her point? Her point is that her client is Donald Trump, and being a vile misogynist-for-hire is just part of that.

Per MeidasTouch:

She claimed that Carroll has been invited to interviews that she never would have gotten and made friends with people she never would've met - like Mary Trump and Kathy Griffin. She then mentioned that Griffin once posed with a replica bloody head of Trump.

Oh good God.

Another very smart Trump lawyer, Boris Epshteyn, asked if he could address the court. The judge asked if he was a member of the federal Bar. He wasn’t. The judge sentenced him to sit down and eat 100 dicks.

Good day, splendid job everyone.

Empty the motherfucker’s bank account.

[AP / MeidasTouch]

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