Everybody Hates Marjorie Taylor Greene, And Nobody Loves Her Anymore, Not Even Jesus
Everybody Hates Marjorie Taylor Greene, And Nobody Loves Her Anymore, Not Even Jesus
And that guy loves everybody!
Last night, Marjorie Taylor Greene advanced an amendment to reduce Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s salary to a dollar. Why? Because she’s a vile homophobic piece of dogshit. She might have had other reasons, but they don’t matter, because she doesn’t matter. It passed by voice vote, but it’s DOA in the Senate, obviously, if it gets there. The full House didn’t vote on the budget package that included it last night.
Republicans did this to several officials last night. Greene did it in September to Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin. None of it will never become law, and it will never matter. It will be just one more wasted moment in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s life, which seems to consist only of such moments.
The real story about Greene is that everybody hates her now, even her erstwhile alleged friends. (Can’t imagine very many people ever genuinely liked her, besides maybe needy losers like Kevin McCarthy. But he’s not speaker anymore, so he no longer has a strategic reason to offer her his love and loyalty.)
The Daily Beast’s Zachary Petrizzo goes through the list of people who probably won’t go to Greene’s 50th birthday party next May, and it’s a big list, so she probably shouldn’t rent out a CrossFit or a Chuck E. Cheese, because she’d be doing bench presses or playing in the ball pit all by herself.
She’s alienated the House Freedom Caucus, which kicked her out a long time ago. The “normal” Republicans don’t like her, because God, she’s embarrassing.
She tried to get Democratic Rep. Rashida Tlaib censured last week, but 23 Republicans were like no fuck you, we aren’t voting for your stinky resolution, it has poop on it, fuck your resolution, we hate it and we hate you. They voted for a different member’s resolution to censure Tlaib last night (with some Democratic support), and Greene had to pull hers this morning.
She was so mad about that when it happened last week:
She tweeted to express her displeasure at Rep. Chip Roy:
Good Lord. That giant wind-whooshing sound you hear is all the Republican congressmen whose arms aren’t very aerodynamic making giant jerkoff .gif motions in Greene’s general direction.
Chip Roy responded: “Tell her to focus on chasing so-called Jewish space lasers if she wishes to spend her time on such matters.” LMAO.
Greene responded: “Oh shut up Colonel Sanders, you’re not even from Texas, more like the DMV.” Which kind of sounds like maybe the lady is having a stroke.
Petrizzo’s reporting includes more of the back-and-forth from that fight, which shockingly got stupid because Republicans are uninteresting and humorless people. For example, this quote from Byron Donalds, doing some friendly ribbing at Chip Roy: “Honestly, I joked with him and said, ‘Hey man, let me get a three-piece.’” GET IT, GET IT, GET IT? Because MTG called him Colonel Sanders. GET IT? A THREE-PIECE!
We hate everybody in this article and we hope their power goes out while they’re cooking something they love.
More mean quotes from fellow Republicans about how MTG should go eat rocks in the dumb low-IQ section of hell, quick and dirty style:
“Childish in many ways,” said Troy Nehls, who seemed confused why Greene was calling Roy chicken names. “Does he look like Colonel Sanders?”
“What do you feel you’re accomplishing there, you know?” also said Nehls. “Chip’s a pretty conservative guy… What do you feel you are personally gaining from that?”
“My point is this: I don’t know why you would want to go to war with me?” Still Nehls.
“She’s creating her own enemies through unprovoked, unwarned, and unsubstantiated attacks,” said a Republican rep who wants to remain anonymous because we guess they’re a coward. “Embarrassing herself through launching attacks she later has to retract due to their inaccuracies.”
“There is no one I have heard from, dozens of members, who are happy with her, that trust her [or] confide in her.” Another anonymous coward. “She’s continually seeking attention, building herself up while tearing others down. I have cut ties completely.”
“I don’t even want to deal with this.” Lauren Boebert. Y’all! Greene and Boebert have hated each other’s guts forever, and MTG once called Boebert a “little bitch” on the House floor, and Boebert is literally world famous right now for touchin’ peen at Beetlejuice. Yet somehow here she is the bigger person.
Isn’t there anybody to be nice to MTG? Yeah, but they’re like really smelly hairy losers nobody wants to sit with.
There’s that dumb fucking rent-a-cop Rep. Clay “WHAR BOXES?” Higgins, who is like what would happen if Louie Gohmert’s brain cells started dividing and somebody started attacking them with mallets, one by one. He told the Daily Beast, dramatically:
“I don’t know how close of a friend you can be and then step away,” Rep. Clay Higgins (R-LA) said while walking out of a House Freedom Caucus meeting Monday night. “That means you were never a close friend!”
“Secrets, secrets are no fun, secrets, secrets hurt someone!” Higgins added before snatching all the friendship bracelets and running away to be the first to sign Marjorie Taylor Greene’s yearbook on the crack, just kidding no he didn’t.
Meanwhile, Rep. Glenn Grothman says he’ll still be MTG’s friend, but have you seen that guy? It’s not like he’s got a lot of social options, we reckon.
But Petrizzo notes that Donald Trump still loves her and she might even be on his veep shortlist. To which we respond oh please oh please oh please oh please. That would be like shoving Sarah Palin in John McCain’s face times infinity.
So we guess Greene is fine. Also she doesn’t have a soul, so we doubt human feelings really affect her.
The end.
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This makes all the stories about MTG being the girl who called the cops on all the parties that she wasn't invited to all the more believable.
MGT doesn't care about friends, policy, or even popularity. I bet she's hit a threshold of grifterbucks where she will gladly retire to yelling at clouds and taking pot shots at paperboys.