Here's One Kansas City Chief You Can Root Against

In football or just in life.

May 15, 2024

This year’s Super Bowl was fun for a lot of reasons besides the football. One big one is that the romance between Taylor Swift and Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce brought a whole new kind of attention on to the game, plus of course it was neat how she and the Illuminati rigged it so Kansas City would win. Quarterback Patrick Mahomes had fun with all of it, and was a good sport when pics of his locker room dad bod went viral.

All of this made the absolute worst, most joyless people in America so angry, and that added to our joy. It didn’t occur to us that one of those worst, most joyless people in America was the Chiefs’ own kicker Harrison Butker. He made that clear, though, when he gave the commencement speech at the nutjob Benedectine College, where he let his dirty freak flag fly and showed us all what a raging bigot he is.

The New York Times hits the highlights. He called Pride Month a “deadly sin.”

“Not the deadly sins sort of Pride that has an entire month dedicated to it,” Butker said, “but the true God-centered pride that is cooperating with the holy ghost to glorify him.”

Oh fuck you.

Obviously you can’t root for the Chiefs to win for Taylor and Travis while simultaneously rooting for them to lose because of this loser.

But there’s no rule in football that says Swifties can’t single out the kicker on their favorite team for extreme ostracism and rejection.

Mr. Buttasshole or whatever his name is bitched and bellyached that the Associated Press said mean things about the weird college at which he was speaking:

Butker, 28, criticized an Associated Press article on America’s Catholic Church, which detailed the institution’s shift “toward the old ways.” It highlighted Benedictine’s rules that “seem like precepts of a bygone age,” which include “volunteering for 3 a.m. prayers” and “pornography, premarital sex and sunbathing in swimsuits being forbidden.”
Butker said the story was an “attempt to rebuke and embarrass” places like Benedictine, and that it would be met with “pride” instead of “anger.”

And he showed us how he’s the type of guy who sees the world depicted in “The Handmaid’s Tale” and it makes him hard.

Butker also used the speech to criticize President Joe Biden on several issues, including abortion and the coronavirus pandemic, and questioned Biden’s devotion to Catholicism. Butker also addressed gender ideologies and said that a woman’s most important title is “homemaker.”
“It is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world,” Butker said.

Oh that’s exactly what he said. He proceeded to cry like a little weenus about his wife, who first had to convert to his religion, and then became a “homemaker.”

Here’s video:

That’s not all, either. He hit every wingnut delusion and right-wing conspiracy theory in the book, blaming “COVID lockdowns” on Joe Biden (Trump was president, obviously) and whining that Congress won’t even let him say Jews killed Jesus.

Karl Buttslam or whatever his name is even thought it was fine for him to quote Taylor Swift, saying that “As my teammate’s girlfriend says, ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’.” Yeah, no.

Yep, Swifties. This dude doesn’t deserve to enjoy the fun of being on the Chiefs, which just keep winning Super Bowls with the help of their patron saint Taylor of Swiftus.

Here is Butker’s speech. You can watch it, or you can just make up puns on his stupid name “Butker,” but it’s worth it if you want to see what a true piece of shit he is.