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HE’S DOING IT AGAIN. (Allegedly.)
Fuck yeah, third time's the charm, unless it's not.
Today, we will all turn on our internets so that Jim Jordan can lose a third round of voting for speaker. At least that’s what Jim Jordan’s team says.
Rumors in Washington are that it will be worse than the first and second times. CNN Capitol Hill reporter Melanie Zanona reports that “Some of Jim Jordan's opponents tell me they've been purposely staggering their ‘no’ votes over multiple ballots,” in order to punish and humiliate him and demonstrate that more and more people hate him every day. “And that's why they tell me Jordan will bleed even more support on a third ballot,” she adds.
Nevertheless, “We’re going to keep going,” said Jim Jordan’s spox to Fox News Digital. We guess it doesn’t count for Jim until he’s suffered rejection while burning pit stains into each and every one of his “Buy four, get one free!” Walmart dress shirts.
"Don’t lose faith if [Jordan] loses a few votes on the second ballot. I’m committed to voting as many times as we must to get Jim elected as Speaker, as long as he is putting his name forward," Rep. Jeff Duncan, R-S.C., wrote on X. "If that means we vote all night, then buckle up 'cause we will vote all night!"
Oh dear. These men have clearly been told too many times that it's OK, it happens to all guys.
We’re reminded that yesterday, seditionist Scott Perry said before the vote that yes, Jim Jordan would get fewer votes on the second round than the first round. What’s your point? They got us RIGHT WHERE THEY WANT US.
Or do they?
Late breaking reporting from Punchbowl News suggests that there may be some cracks forming. He apparently met with Kevin McCarthy and (acting) speaker Patrick McHenry yesterday, which could suggest that behind the scenes there might be an escape route for Jordan forming.
Punchbowl says Jordan “hates to lose,” and that “His entire brand is wrapped up in fighting liberals and being a winner.” This is hilarious because Jim Jordan is a well-known loser and a former coach who’s clearly in over his head, and who has never made a bill into a law.
Anyway, sources are telling Punchbowl that Jordan doesn’t want to go a third round on the floor just to lose. But Jordan’s office still says NUH UH, HE’S READY FOR EVERYBODY TO HIT HIM AGAIN! (Not exact quote.)
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It’s worth noting that the campaigns of intimidation still aren’t working to pressure Republicans into voting for Jordan. Rep. Mariannette Miller-Meeks started getting real death threats yesterday afternoon, and promptly issued a statement that said fuck bullies. Rep. Nick LaLota tweeted out a message he got that said, “Go fuck yourself and die if I see your face, I will whip all the hair out of your fucking head you fucking scumbag.” Rep. Mike Simpson similarly tweeted that all y’all’s threats and intimidation are falling on deaf ears.
These are not people who are scared of Jim Jordan. (He feebly tried to condemn the threats, for what that is worth.)
Read the rest of Punchbowl for the latest about the idea for Republicans to escape all this by electing McHenry as speaker pro tem for a longer period of time. Playbook has a whole roundup of why that might just not work, specifically focusing on how fucking pissed some Republicans are at the idea that they might have to work with Democrats to make that happen. Indeed, some of Jim Jordan’s slobbering minions are trying to sell the idea that a vote for McHenry is a vote for the Democrats, because reasons.
Aren’t they something!
If a third Jim Jordan vote happens again — IF — it’ll be at noon when the House comes in. As of the morning editions of the Beltway circle jerk websites, Jordan’s people are all saying it’s happening.
Watch this space.
Goddamn, what a fucking loser, if we were Jim Jordan’s kids we would change our last name.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.