Liveblogging The Confirmation Hearing For Pam Bondi, President Lame Duck's SECOND Choice For AG
The shitshow continues.
Today the confirmation hearings begin for Pam Bondi to be Donald Trump’s second choice for attorney general, after his first choice Matt Gaetz flamed out spectacularly and now is on OAN with a brand new face and a brand new outlook on life. Or at least a brand new face.
Anyway, Pam Bondi, she is a jackass and a clown and a MAGA true believer. And she will probably be confirmed, because if the Senate Armed Services Committee is willing to lower its standards to White Man Affirmative Action Pete Hegseth into the Pentagon, we’re sure the Judiciary Committee can find it in their heart to lower their standards enough for Bondi.
What we’re interested in here is hearing how many illegal orders she’s willing to obey from Donald Trump, since if she is confirmed, and if Kash Patel is confirmed as Trump’s FBI director, she’ll sort of have to be the adult in the room between those two heavy-breathing creeps.
Hahahahaha, Pam Bondi is the adult in the room! Hahahahaha!
Here is a fun clip (“fun”) from Maddow on all the things you should know about Bondi.
Here is your video, and below that beginneth the liveblog.
9:32: We’re about to get started with this. Some trivia about Pam Bondi is that she has expressed enthusiasm about going after Trump’s enemies like a hack in the past. Ranking member on the Judiciary Committee Dick Durbin is sounding the alarm about that today.
Bondi has served as Trump’s lawyer in the past, and dropped her fraud investigation into his scam Trump University when he gave her a $25,000 campaign contribution.
So she’s excellent.
Today will be longer than yesterday’s rubberstamp/joke/circle jerk hearing for Pete Hegseth, as senators will get seven-minute rounds of questioning, and then another four-minute round. Though this is scheduled for tomorrow too, so we’ll see when the gavels actually happen.
In summary and in conclusion, it is impossible to explain how old committee chair Chuck Grassley currently is.
9:39: Chuck Grassley is taking 50 hours to say that the committee was nice to Merrick Garland so they should be nice to this windsock.
Like, y’all, Grassley cannot even talk or read. This is painful. He is 100,000 years old. Which is still younger than the average age of senators, but Christ, y’all.
9:42: GRASSLEY: And also Pam Bondi loves the rule of law, and puppies! [turns page loudly for 30 seconds]
9:44: Grassley feebly lies and says the FBI’s Russia investigation was predicated on the Steele Dossier. It was not. It started when a Trump campaign operative excitedly jizzed all over an Australian diplomat that Russia was about to drop the goods on Hillary Clinton, and Australia came to the US like HEEEENGH?
Anyway, Grassley is still whining that the FBI investigated Trump and looked through Melania’s underpants drawer to see if Trump was hiding any stolen state secrets there. Presumably she got some new underpants, unless she didn’t.
Basically he is babbling every Russian disinfo conspiracy theory he knows, because he’s a senile piece of shit who was incredibly stupid before his brain passed its sell-by date.
Grassley is moreover upset that the FBI investigated Christian extremists who invade abortion clinics, which is unfair because we’re supposed to give Christian extremists a pass, right? Get fucked, old balls.
Even Bondi looks bored listening to this shit.
9:52: Durbin going through the list of Trump’s history of hiring and firing AGs when they fail to lick his sack gently enough is a nice touch. How Trump thinks the Justice Department is his personal law firm, etc.
Pam Bondi is probably fine with all that, but Trump’s other AG dudes felt that way at some point too, we bet.
9:56: DURBIN: I need to know you’d tell Trump “no” if he gave you an illegal order. The fact that you tried to help him overthrow the government in 2020 makes me slightly concerned about that.
Durbin in fact notes that there are lots of problems with Bondi.
While Rick Scott is introducing Bondi, watch Anderson Cooper going off on her after the Pulse shooting in Orlando, for being such a fucking bigot.
10:02: Eric Schmitt says Trump’s choice of Bondi was a “home run.” As opposed to the strikeout gutterball fumblefuck that was Matt Gaetz.
10:08: Pam Bondi is apparently related to every white person in Florida, and she’s brought them all with her today!
10:11: Bondi’s opening statement so far is “I am a real lawyer, for real.”
10:14: Bondi says she will bring integrity back to DOJ and end the weaponization, and that under her, there will only be one tier of justice. (As opposed to the two tiers where Donald Trump gets unfairly accused of crimes like a common criminal just because he’s a common convicted felon? Whatever.)
Anyway, questioning begins. Grassley gonna be painful because again, he is 436,000 years old and doesn’t appear to know where he is.
10:16: GRASSLEY: I sent all these letters to the Justice Department! Did you get my letters? If you are attorney general, will you respond to my letters? Democrats might send letters too! We all like letters! Isn’t it nice to get a nice letter? I like to get a nice letter. Sometimes when I get a letter I say “Oh! Now who’s this?” and I get my letter opener which was gifted to me by the first governor of Iowa, it has a little cow on the end, isn’t that cute? I’ve always thought it was cute. You hold the cow right there on its fanny when you’re opening the letter and it works pretty well, these days the youngsters don’t send letters, their computers say “YOU’VE GOT MAIL” but where is it? I can’t find it. It is almost time for “The Price Is Right”!
BONDI: I will read your letters. Or someone will, I’m sure.
10:28: Dick Durbin says RESPOND TO CHUCK GRASSLEY’S LETTERS.
But anyway, can you tell Donald Trump “No” when he gives you illegal orders? Because lemme tell you about Jeff Sessions and Bill Barr.
Questions:
Did Donald Trump lose the 2020 election?
BONDI: Joe Biden is the president, he was duly sworn in, FUCKING WEASEL WORDS.
Do you have any doubts that Joe Biden had the electoral votes to be sworn in?
BONDI: I saw all the bad things in Pennsylvania! I accept the results, but I saw all the bad things! Note that I still have not said Trump lost in 2020, because I am not allowed.
DURBIN: Jesus fuck. Have you heard that tape when Trump tried to get Georgia to steal the election for him?
BONDI: No, I don’t know about the news, can you tell me all the context?
DURBIN: Don’t you think it’s bad when presidents call secretaries of state and demand they steal elections for him?
BONDI: Oh I didn’t hear it!
DURBIN: Do you think Trump’s January 6 terrorists should get pardons?
BONDI: I am a real lawyer. I swear I am a real lawyer.
DURBIN: Should Trump’s terrorists be pardoned?
BONDI: Violence is bad, including against police officers. I am a real lawyer.
10:30: Oh, good, time for Lindsey Graham. He says Pam Bondi is very, very qualified, and that it’s good she was one of Trump’s lawyers. He says it’s RIDICULOUS, I SWEAR! to act like it’s bad for Trump to pick his own lawyer to run DOJ, well I never!
10:33: GRAHAM: What wars are we in? Are we at war with ISIS?
BONDI: Oh yes, the ISIS war, and all the other wars.
GRAHAM: Is ISIS the biggest threat you ever heard of?
BONDI: I don’t have a security clearance?
GRAHAM: We should have a strategy for ISIS!
BONDI: OK!
10:37: Now Sheldon Whitehouse.
WHITEHOUSE: Did you ever have any enemies lists in all your previous jobs, which were real jobs?
BONDI: I did not, and my jobs were extremely real, in a big state!
WHITEHOUSE: Would you hire somebody at the Florida AG office that had an enemies list?
BONDI: Shut up, Kash Patel doesn’t have a real enemies list. He is a real lawyer too! Now this is Kash Patel’s confirmation hearing, I love Kash Patel!
WHITEHOUSE: He has a real enemies list.
BONDI: There will never be an enemies list at the Department of Justice.
She actually said that. Can’t imagine Kash or Trump liked it. Probably was a lie.
10:39: WHITEHOUSE: Is counterterrorism important?
BONDI: Soooooo important.
WHITEHOUSE: Are you going to shut down the FBI’s counterterrorism work? (Kash Patel wants to cut counterterrorism out of the FBI entirely.)
BONDI: I’m not cutting ANYTHING.
WHITEHOUSE: Will you prosecute journalists for what they write?
BONDI: I believe in freedom of speech! Only if they commit a crime!
10:42: WHITEHOUSE: Is it appropriate to start with a name and look for a crime?
BONDI: That’s what they did to Donald Trump! WAAAAAAAAAH CONSPIRACY THEORIES!
She says she “will not target people simply because of their political affiliation.” Probably a lie. She also says she will maintain a wall of separation between DOJ and the White House, probably a lie.
John Cornyn’s turn, he says Pam Bondi’s testimonys is music to his ears, doesn’t say what song, probably something you can line-dance the Charleston to.
10:48: Scaremongering about border, Laken Riley, Venezuela, gangs, cartels, Laken Riley, border, Laken Riley Laken Riley Laken Riley.
10:49: Interesting that both Cornyn and Graham are getting Bondi on the record that FISA should be reauthorized and make sure she understands how important it is. There’s a large swath of MAGA that does not like FISA, you know because they think Obama used it to spy on Trump blah blah blah.
10:54: Amy Klobuchar asking Bondi about political interference in charging decisions. Wants to make sure THE WHITE HOUSE doesn’t interfere in criminal investigations. (You know, because the. new president is a convicted felon.)
Bondi says yes the Justice Department “must be independent and must act independently. The number one job is to enforce the law fairly and even-handedly, and that’s what will be done if I am confirmed as attorney general.”
She promises that politics will not play.a part.
She has the right answers. Probably lies, but.
10:56: Pam Bondi has not seen these comments about Kash Patel wanting to carve counterterrorism out of the FBI. Amusingly, she notes that she would be Patel’s boss if they are both confirmed.
Klobuchar worries that Bondi wouldn’t be able to stop that fucking moron from every fucking stupid thing he wants to do.
10:58: KLOBUCHAR: Will Bondi swear that she will uphold the FACE Act, which protects abortion clinic entrances?
BONDI: Yes, and I would note that the FACE Act also protects fake clinics that lie to women about healthcare for Jesus! (She did not tell the full truth in her answer like Wonkette just did, wouldn’t want to accuse her of having the integrity of Wonkette.)
11:04: Mike Lee, who is a hilariously unserious joke of a man (read his Twitter on any day for evidence), is whining about FISA being used to spy on Americans. He sounds perhaps reasonable, but you must understand that this is one of his pet issues, and he is not a serious person.
Now he wants to know if Bondi will protect innocent extremist Catholics who just want to invade abortion clinics?
Will she stop branding conservative parents as domestic terrorists? (This did not happen, but stupid MAGA wingnuts believe it did, or lie constantly and say it did.)
11:09: Chris Coons is questioning, he’s a total pushover. He got Bondi to agree that Donald Trump is not allowed to run for a third term, though, and to swear some more that the White House won’t direct her job or give her illegal orders.
11:11: COONS: If you got evidence that somebody in the White House was criming, would you appoint a special prosecutor?
BONDI: Hypotheticals, hypotheticals hurt someone!
COONS: Do special counsels need to be confirmed by the Senate? Because you signed a brief arguing that that should be.
BONDI: I will follow the law or whatevs.
COONS: One more time, would you resign if you were given an illegal order?
BONDI: I wouldn’t work anywhere that somebody would give me an illegal order! I believe in Do The Right Thing!
LOL OK.
11:15: Time for Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, the one who sounds like the lovechild of Foghorn Leghorn and the old pedo from “The Family Guy” if both of them had long COVID. Remember what an absolute fool he made of himself during that New Orleans press conference?
For some reason Kennedy’s questions are going to be about Michael Avenatti, who turned out to be a criminal and a piece of shit. This somehow proves … ?
Godfuckit, John Kennedy is so weird.
11:18: KENNEDY: Are there bad people at the Justice Department?
BONDI: Yes.
KENNEDY: Why do bad DOJ people happen to good DOJ people?
Now he’s babbling about Merrick Garland appointing Jack Smith to prosecute Trump (just because Trump had committed all these crimes, like trying to overthrow the government and stealing America’s secrets for reasons we still don’t understand, maybe they were traitor reasons).
Kennedy just said something about a chicken and a goat but we missed it because we missed it.
Strangely, Kennedy actually seems to encourage Bondi not to be swayed by MAGA people who want to encourage her to weaponize the DOJ for Trump. For his own bonkers weird reasons. But whatever.
Anyway, now Richard Blumenthal. He starts out by noting that Bondi sure does say the right things! And yes, she does.
11:23: BLUMENTHAL: You have to be able to say out loud that Trump lost the 2020 election. And that January 6 terrorists shouldn’t be pardoned. And that Kash Patel is a broken human dildo. Also do you think that it’s going to go any better for you than it did for Barr and Sessions when he asks you to do illegal things?
BONDI: I don’t have to say anything I don’t want to! I am mad about this because I’m not actually that bright after all!
BLUMENTHAL: Yeah anyway, Kash Patel, he’s fucking batshit. Shouldn’t you be ashamed of all these things he’s said and condemning them?
BONDI: I am not familiar with anything Kash Patel has ever said, ever, in his life! Also if he runs the FBI I will be his boss and I get to tell him what to do.
11:29: BLUMENTHAL: Will you promise to enforce the ban on TikTok forever? I am 700 years old.
BONDI: Pending litigation.
Anyway, Thom Tillis! He says he is a “Gator Hater,” and that is a sports reference and not a thing people put on Grindr about what kind of boning they are into.
11:31: TILLIS: Everybody going after Kash Patel means you’re great! Also I love Kash Patel!
Love it when people think Tillis is one of the “sane” Republican senators.
11:35: Thom Tillis mad people are acting like Pam Bondi is an election denier, just because she said all these weasel words and wouldn’t say out loud that the vote for Biden was valid in 2020.
Tillis got her to affirm that Biden is a “legitimate” president and LOL LMAO she hesitated for the most hilarious split second before saying yes.
He also thinks it’s an unfair hypothetical that people would accuse her of wanting Trump to pardon violent January 6 terrorists, just because of how he wants to.
11:37: Mazie Hirono now!
HIRONO: Have you ever sexually assaulted or sexually harassed anyone? Or done an NDA or paid a settlement?
LOL, reasonable questions because “Trump nominee.”
HIRONO: Ms. Bondi, you actually have experience in the field in which you are nominated. This makes you very weird for a Trump nominee!
11:39: HIRONO: Who won the 2020 election?
BONDI: Joe Biden is the president.
HIRONO: FUCKING WEASEL WORDS. You can’t say it. It’s disturbing.
It really is. And humiliating. It’s like they know what will happen to them if they say the truth out loud.
HIRONO: Are the January 6 terrorists “hostages” or “patriots,” as Trump calls them?
BONDI: I am not familiar with that statement.
HIRONO: I just familiarized you with it.
HIRONO: Trump says Nazi words about illegal immigrants “poisoning the blood of our nation.” Do you believe that?
BONDI: I have not heard that statement but I am soooooooo Nazi about the border too.
HIRONO: You said the White House won’t play a role in DOJ investigation or charging decisions. Say it again.
BONDI: It’s the DOJ’s decision.
HIRONO: Yet Trump says he has an absolute right to do what he wants with the DOJ and thinks it’s his law firm. If Trump “asks, suggests, or hints” that you should investigate one of his enemies, would you?
BONDI: You should have met with me! You were the only one who refused to meet with me!
HIRONO: I’m here now.
Hirono hates these Trump nominees palpably.
11:44: HIRONO: Hey dickface, you said on Fox News that when Trump comes back “the prosecutors will be prosecuted.” Is Jack Smith one of those?
BONDI: I said the bad ones!
HIRONO: How about Liz Cheney?
BONDI: Hypotheticals!
And now we have Ted Cruz, looking more and more like some kind of gay Vaudeville Dracula every single day. Talk about a creepy-looking guy aging creepily.
11:46: Ted Cruz publicly and baselessly lying and suggesting Joe Biden ordered the Justice Department to prosecute his political enemies. What the fuck ever.
Texas, you could have had Colin Allred.
11:51: While Ted Cruz grandstands and peacocks and jacks off for the cameras about the Biden weaponization of the Justice Department, Bondi’s stupidity and fangs both come out at the same time when she adds “AND TWO ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS!” as if that was part of Joe Biden’s big plot.
Also she angrily explained that Trump was elected by “77.1 percent” or maybe 77 million or 77 million percent, she doesn’t fucking know.
Surprise, this one is a moron too.
Lunch break, back in 30-ish!
12:31: Oh hi! It looks like we’re back. Anything happen in the breaking news while we were gone? Nothing important, we imagine! All we know is that if there was any news all credit probably goes to great and glorious Dear Leader Donald Trump, who in his benevolence does All Good Things with his strong and normal-sized hands, his very good brain, and his continued refusal to negotiate with the late, great Hannibal Lecter.
12:34: We think Pam Bondi just confirmed that she has not discussed prosecuting Adam Schiff or Liz Cheney with Donald Trump. She says nobody is going to be prosecuted for being a political opponent LIKE JOE BIDEN DID.
Peter Welch from Vermont says she’s full of shit about the last four years. “No one should be prosecuted for political purposes,” she says again. \
12:38: Pigfuck Eric Schmitt from Missouri is very excited about Trump’s “landslide” (more of a squeaker, weak victory, people really hate him actually). Says Democrats didn’t learn the lessons from the November 5 election. (Trump was elected to fix “groceries.”)
Anyway, Schmitt is just jerking his weenus babbling about Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton on the tarmac, which happened like before he was born. And babbling about Eric Holder saying he was Obama’s wingman. And babbling about Hunter Biden. Missouri isn’t sending its best, y’all.
Does Eric Schmitt have any questions for Pam Bondi? No. He just has conspiracy theories about Fani Willis and Manhattan doing COLLUSIONS! with Joe Biden.
Get fucked, mediocre conservative white Christian loser man.
12:45: Can’t imagine being such a waste of a brain as a MAGA Republican who pretends that Donald Trump isn’t one of the stupidest, yet most prolific criminals in human history. And having to pretend Trump is smart and attractive and good and an acceptable person.
Alex Padilla reminds everyone that the 34 felony convictions for Trump — the only case that was able to actually work its way through the system — was the result of the LAWFARE! COLLUSION! of 12 jurors, who looked at the evidence and agreed he was guilty as fuck.
If Trump’s election stealing case had made it to a jury, they would have agreed he was guilty as fuck.
If Trump’s state secrets stealing case had made it to a jury, they would have agreed he was guilty as fuck.
If Trump’s Georgia case had made it to a jury, they would have agreed he was guilty as fuck.
Alex Padilla if Pam Bondi EVEN NOW has evidence of election fraud in Pennsylvania. Yes or no?
Her answer is that she is sorry about the California fires. Her answer is that she is glad he asked the question. Her answer is that she “traveled to Pennsylvania and let me tell you what I saw, firsthand!”
Yeah, she hasn’t seen shit about fuck.
Padilla notes that Rudy Giuliani has been disbarred all over the place literally for all the false statements he’s made about election fraud in the 2020 election.
Now Bondi wants to be Trump’s Roy Cohn? LOL, will she end up being disbarred one day like dead Roy Cohn and Pam Bondi?
Bondi is so mad Padilla won’t let her yip-yap about Pennsylvania. “I’m not going to be bullied by you, Senator Padilla!”
12:51: PADILLA: Will Bondi defend birthright citizenship, since it is the law?
She says she will study it. Padilla says it’s pathetic that she needs to study the fucking 14th Amendment.
12:53: PADILLA: Do you agree with the statement that immigrants are “poisoning the blood of the country”? (Trump said that.)
BONDI: I never said that! I never said that! My grandparents are immigrants! Of course I don’t believe that!
LOL he got her to disavow Trump’s constant Nazi-ing, accidentally.
Oh good it is time for Katie Britt and her fundie baby voice.
Katie Britt just said she had to get her children to explain to her what “gaslighting” is.
Does she think it’s slang like “skibidi”?
12:58: Katie Britt is very concerned that we all clarify that Trump’s Nazi poisoning the blood comments are about ILLEGAL immigrants. He’s only Nazi about ILLEGAL immigrants, OK?
1:00: Pam Bondi keeps trying to feign humility and say “IF I am confirmed.” Katie Britt reassures her that she will be confirmed. Republican senators don’t have agency or autonomy, Donald Trump gave an order!
1:08: Cory Booker was boring.
Josh Hawley and his rat-faced Christian extremism are here. Bet he’ll tell lies about Chris Wray going after “attacks” on extremist Catholics, oh look here he goes! Ohhhhhh the poor people who go after extremist Catholics and fake clinics!
This is a chicken Josh Hawley fucks daily. That famous clip where he was running away from the January 6 extremists like a little PAB? He was probably running away so he could go fuck this chicken.
Here is a piece explaining what this is all about:
Josh Hawley is literally demanding Bondi promise never to enforce the law against anti-abortion extremists. That’s what this line of questioning is about.
1:12: Josh Hawley says it’s good that Pam Bondi wants to prosecute the prosecutors. Anyway, he is just babbling conspiracy theories about people recruiting spies into churches JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE CHRISTIAN.
1:16: Here is the memo Hawley is shitting himself about, if you want to read it.
Anyway, Adam Schiff now.
He starts with the Supreme Court’s decision that Donald Trump is literally allowed to commit any crime he wants, as long as he swears he’s doing it OFFISHULLY.
Does Pam Bondi have the independence not to say yes to illegal criminal orders from Trump?
SCHIFF: Trump says Jack Smith should go to jail. Will she investigate Jack Smith?
BONDI: I haven’t even looked at this, how could I possibly know?
SCHIFF: So you would need a real reason to open an investgiation, yes? Not just Donald Trump’s asshole itching? (Paraphrase.)
BONDI: People have lost faith in the DOJ because of the questions you’re asking, boo hoooooooooo.
Also:
BONDI: What I’m hearing on the news about Jack Smith is horrible!
(LOL “the news.” Bet Pam Bondi watches some real high quality news.)
BONDI: Why are you always asking about prosecuting Liz Cheney? I’m worried about he crime rate in California!
Schiff is like yeah, this fucking idiot doesn’t have the independence to refuse illegal orders from Trump.
SCHIFF: Can you tell Trump that he lost the election in 2020?
BONDI: Haha, I am not allowed to do “gotcha” questions like saying historical facts about who won elections! Also something something ADAM SCHIFF LEAKED THE DEVIN NUNES MEMO!
LOL, Schiff is triggering the fuck out of Bondi.
1:23: BONDI: Adam Schiff, you were censured by Congress for reckless comments like this!
SCHIFF: Will you promise not to destroy evidence from the January 6 Committee?
BONDI: I will follow the law!
SCHIFF: Why is it a fucking difficult question for you to answer, you fucking clown?
Now we come to Marsha Blackburn, a serious person.
Hey, did y’all know there is a rumor that Marsha Blackburn might GTFO and run for Tennessee governor? As a Tennessee resident, I would just like to ask you all if you are JEALOUSSSSSSS that we might get her all to ourselves and the rest of America won’t have her anymore?
1:28: LOL Pam Bondi is using her answer to a question from Blackburn to lecture Adam Schiff on how the crime rate in California is about to go up. Blackburn had asked weasel lying fucking shitmouth asshole question about how violent crime went DOWN under Trump and went UP during the first two years of Biden. (She forgot to mention how violent crime is way down again.)
“I don’t know where that phrase has become a bad word, because I think it’s a great one!” (Sounds better in the original German.)
Jesus Christ, now we move to the second round of questions, four minutes each.
Chuck Grassley is now 7,000 years old and speaking even more confusedly.
1:33: Chuck Grassley says whistleblowers are treated like “a skunk at a picnic!” One time there was a skunk at a picnic and everybody said “PEE YEW!” and accused Chuck Grassley of doing a fart but he said “No it was a skunk, that wasn’t one of my butter farts!” and everybody said “It was! It was one of your butter farts!” and Chuck Grassley is still mad that skunk never fessed up to what it did.
1:36: Chuck Grassley demands Pam Bondi stop all these racist Biden hiring practices, against whites!
Dick Durbin gets Bondi to agree that violence is bad, whether it’s against Supreme Court Justices or against Nancy Pelosi’s husband. Bondi agrees that was horrible.
1:37: Durbin says he’s actually surprised that she’s been so supportive of Kash Patel, since he’s so fucking batshit.
DURBIN: Do you know what QAnon is?
BONDI: I have only heard of it, I don’t know things!
DURBIN: Oh it’s about a satanic group of cannibals who are secretly conspiring against Trump.
BONDI: Oh I haven’t heard that definition of QAnon!
DURBIN: Kash Patel says he’s really fucking into QAnon.
BONDI: I am going to have to do a Google of this QAnon! I look forward to hearing Kash Patel testify about QAnon before this committee!
Oh my God.
1:40: Durbin notes that JD Vance didn’t have any trouble saying violent Capitol rioters shouldn’t be pardoned, why can’t Bondi say it?
She reaffirms that she does not agree with violence against police officers, including the ones who protected Congress from Trump’s January 6 terrorists, but still does not answer the damn question.
1:42: Lindsey Graham holds his sides laughing because “if they’re asking about Kash Patel it must be going OK for you, HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH!”
They think this is a really clever line.
1:46: GRAHAM: Are you scared of ISIS attacking the homeland?
BONDI: Currently shitting my pants so hard!
Sheldon Whitehouse now. Luckily these are going faster.
1:52: Oh, Pam Bondi did a tease! She asked if, since Sheldon Whitehouse took an extra minute, could they take a minute away from Adam Schiff’s next round? Ha ha! She was just teasing!
Chuck Grassley didn’t understand what was happening because he is now over a million years old.
Thom Tillis is a fucking moron. He’s pretending that people saying that QAnon believes there is a satanic cannibalistic cabal going after Trump is the same thing as saying people who believe in QAnon are a satanic cannibalistic cabal! The QAnon shaman is a vegetarian! Har har!
He thinks it is just RIDICULOUS to believe that somebody as ESTEEMED as KASH PATEL might believe SOMETHING like THAT.
Want to know what is a real cabal, Tillis the mouthbreathing cow asks? ActBlue supported a group that’s called All Cops Are Bastards! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
2:00: Pam Bondi has all these nice ideas about reducing recidivism but she was APPALLED SHE SAYS APPALLED by Joe Biden commuting all those death row sentences!
Donald Trump already had his Execution Erection! He was going to murder all those people just like he did at the end of his last term! And now Joe Biden took away his joy!
2:07: Amy Klobuchar again brings up that Kash Patel has vowed to go after Trump’s enemies and his own, including in the press, asks if Pam Bondi will promise to preserve the freedom of the press. Bondi says she will. Also she just has no idea what these Kash Patel statements are! She will have to find out.
Back to Senator John Kennedy and his creepy voice and his creepy words and his creepy self.
He began his second round: “I admire your spunk!”
Gross.
2:10: KENNEDY: Everybody thinks it’s weird yore friends with Trump! I think it’d be weirder if he appointed his enemy!
Kennedy also says the idea of starting with a name and then finding a crime is just like Alvin Bragg, the DA in Manhattan. This is full-of-shit stupid because it fails to reckon with the fact that Donald Trump has been openly committing crimes in front of our faces ever since he entered the public eye. Don’t really need to “start with a name” when the name just starts doing crimes in front of you all the time.
2:25: Richard Blumenthal is really upset Pam Bondi won’t commit to enforcing the ban on TikTok. That’s such a weird issue.
Anyway, now it’s time for Katie Britt to be an idiot and pretend that Democrats are criticizing Trump for nominating Bondi because she is his friend. Not because he famously wants his lawyers to be his Roy Cohn, or because they tend to get disbarred for doing highly unethical things for him.
2:32: Cory Booker is just curious whether Pam Bondi will continue to defend access to Mifepristone, even though anti-abortion fascists are going to might-as-well-be-fake courts, led by Josh Hawley’s dipshit wife, to try to get the FDA’s approval of this safe and vital drug overturned.
Surprise, y’all. She had NO IDEA about any of that. She is very pro-life, she says, but this is all brand new information to her! There is so much brand new information to her!
2:35: Oh good, more creepy dick-pulling from Ted Cruz. He wants to talk about immigration, with the wide-open border that Joe Biden tried to fix and Republican Senator James Lankford tried to fix, but Donald Trump killed that bill because he sure does hate immigrants, but he needed immigration to remain unfixed so he could run on fixing it.
Anyway Ted Cruz is babbling.
2:39: Ted Cruz DEMANDS Pam Bondi find all the migrant children Joe Biden has LOST!
Does not mention all the children Donald Trump and Stephen Miller lost their first time around.
2:41: Alex Padilla notes that Bondi defended restrictive anti-abortion laws as AG of Florida. What will she do as the federal AG? She swears her personal views won’t affect what she does, but notes that per Dobbs, it’s up to the states anyway. Gonna go ahead and assume she’s going to be a rabid anti-abortion freak AG. Pretty safe assumption, yes?
2:44: Goddamn how did we get back to Marsha Blackburn so fast?
2:48: Oh good, back to Adam Schiff so he can be mean to her. Immediately calls out the Republican bullshit I mentioned about how they’re all saying Democrats are mad because she and Bondi are friends. No, it is that we know Trump will give illegal orders and we need to know what Bondi will do. Will she commit crimes for Trump?
Schiff says the time is coming for Bondi just like it came for Barr, just like it came for Sessions, just like it came to former Secretary Mattis, just like it came to the current FBI director Chris Wray. He encourages Bondi to talk to these people, who used to be in similar positions as her.
2:53: Schiff wants to know if Bondi will respect marriage equality. She says she will “respect the law,” but says “absolutely.” We’ll see.
Time for Josh Hawley to bitch some more about his pet fuckchickens, his hallucinations about Joe Biden going after good white Christian nationalist supremacist mommies and daddies, AKA the extremists Hawley considers Americans.
Get fucked, loser.
By the way, this is probably the end, so please tip your bartenders and become a paying subscriber and we are sorry this fucking dipshit is going to be attorney general, but we can all look forward to the day when she ends up just like Barr and Sessions and all the others.
We’re sure she has a line, even if she’s so loyal she can’t imagine right now why she’d disobey Trump. It might be someday when her own lawyer says “Dude, do you want to get disbarred like Rudy Giuliani? Beclowned for life from the legal profession?” And that will be her line.
Sometime in the next four years.
Mazel tov, Pam Bondi, you fuckhead!
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Grassley is being wheeled around the halls of Congress and Mitch McConnell has a full-time nurse. In a few days the first person to have dementia before taking office (Reagan got his going after being sworn in) will be made prez. But let's hear some more about Biden, huh?
Pam Bondi sounds like the AG in a series called “DOJ: Baywatch” where all the lawyers and judges are semi-nude