MAGA Lying That Biden Ordered Trump Assassinated, Because They Know Their Stupid Voters Believe Them
The contempt they have for their voters is, as ever, astounding.
A new lie is spreading through MAGA-land like syphilis-infected kudzu, and it is that President Joe Biden ordered the assassination of Donald Trump when Mar-a-Lago was raided for the documents Trump stole from the government. Pick just about any try-hard MAGA loser you can think of and what are they doing? Either farting on their fingers and smelling them, spreading this lie, or (likely) both.
Big if true! (Not true.)
As is so often the case, this lie came directly from the criminal’s babbling gullet. Trump upchucked onto his failing Truth Social site yesterday:
You can tell Trump wrote that one himself because he’s bitching like the feeble old man he is about the temperature in the courtroom, and also the functionally illiterate use of capital letters. The “reports” he was referring to are newly unsealed documents that show that — surprise! — Trump’s lawyers found more stolen classified documents AFTER the Mar-a-Lago search, IN HIS BEDROOM. (We’ll have more on that!)
Everybody, let’s scream about Biden ordering Trump assassinated instead!
As Heather Cox Richardson explains, Trump’s campaign followed up with an email with the subject line “They were authorized to shoot me—I nearly escaped death.” The body read: “Joe Biden was locked & loaded ready to take me out & put my family in danger…. But here’s the one thing they don’t know: WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER!” (Astute commenter notes that “nearly escaped death” would mean he was killed. So that’s hilarious.)
So that’s where that started. (Actually it appears to have REALLY started with a bugfuck conspiracy theorist named Julie Kelly, whereupon it made its way up Trump’s and the RNC’s assholes in record time.)
Is there even a shred of truth in it? Nah.
As ABC News reporter Katherine Faulders explains, the documents Trump is referring to say nothing more than that the FBI followed its own standard policies when it conducted the Mar-a-Lago search. Former FBI assistant director Frank Figliuzzi tweeted, “Yep, every FBI operations order contains a reminder of FBI deadly force policy. Even for a search warrant. Deadly force is always authorized if the required threat presents itself.”
NBC News adds quotes from some complete wingnuts who happen to know better on this subject:
Even right-wing former FBI agents who regularly criticize the bureau pushed back on the focus on the FBI protocols, calling the documents “boilerplate,” “nothing out of the ordinary,” and “a giant nothing" burger (using a hamburger emoji), in posts on X. “The hyperbole and emotion over this is ridiculous, especially considering legitimate reasons to question the MAL raid,” wrote Garret O’Boyle, who previously testified before a House subcommittee led by top Trump ally, Rep. Jim Jordan, R-Ohio.
Here’s a real kicker for you: Trump wasn’t even at Mar-a-Lago the day it was raided, and the FBI knew that. (Now go back and read that Trump campaign email about I NEARLY ESCAPED DEATH! and just marvel.)
But this new lie is so insidious that the FBI itself felt the need to release a statement of clarification, a sort of Dear Pigfucks letter to the mouthbreathers:
And surprise, the MAGA liars are now lying about the FBI’s clarification, saying it makes it even worse, and that people saying otherwise are gaslighting you:
It’s everywhere. Chirping anger muppet Maria Bartiromo is chirping angrily about it on Fox Business. Judge Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro is sloshing it around in her glass. The entire MAGA-sphere.
This sort of lying works because the people stupid enough to respect people like Mike Davis, Jack Posobiec, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Paul Gosar are also too monumentally stupid to figure out the truth on their own. If they tried to Do Their Own Research they’d just end up on some other MAGA incel’s YouTube listening to them agree with these others that yes, Joe Biden personally ordered Donald Trump assassinated. (And of course, this is all built on the MAGA brainworm delusion that Joe Biden is in the Oval Office personally directing witch hunts against Trump.)
People like Davis, Posobiec, Pirro, Bartiromo, Gosar, the congresswoman with the six B’s know they don’t have even one follower smart enough to check their work. And that’s extremely charitably assuming that those people are smart enough to know what lies they’re spreading. They may not be, especially in the case of Greene and Gosar, who often play the role of both propagandist and the mark. (Pirro should know better. Baritiromo, eh probably not, she’s a fucking moron.)
The point is that the contempt MAGA has for its own voters is, as ever, breathtaking.
One more thing: Remember that with Trump and with MAGA, every accusation is a confession. Remember that Trump absolutely wants to use a second presidential term to go after his enemies, and that his lawyers are at the Supreme Court asking them to establish that he has the right to have his rivals assassinated.
Trump literally wanted to execute the person who leaked that he was a big fucking chickenshit baby who hides in the White House bunker when there are protesters outside. He literally wants to execute people who embarrass him, who laugh at him, who expose him for the weakass loser he is.
Remember that. That’s who he is, and that’s who his squealing impotent pig followers are. It’s all projection.
[NBC News]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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Today would be my father's 77th birthday. Instead, he died twenty-two years ago at age 55 of a brain aneurysm. He was a lifelong high school English teacher, baseball and basketball coach, and was prodigiously admired for his brains, his incredible sense of humor (funniest mofo to ever walk the planet), his kindness and his decency. 1,000+ people showed up for his memorial service and I have received more handwritten letters over the years from people whose lives he changed than you can imagine. He was in many ways my soulmate and I his, and I was gifted with the sort of idyllic childhood that made his loss both deeply, profoundly painful AND easier to manage (because so few people got as lucky as I for 27 years).
That he left this world 3 decades before he should have and Donald J Trump is still alive and wreaking his holy havoc on the world is so deeply unfair I want to scream. It will never make sense how someone that filled with rage, hate and hamburger grease can outlive actuarial tables while the best man I've ever known didn't get to meet his grandsons. I hate this timeline.
doesn't "nearly escaped death" mean he was killed?