Marjorie Taylor Greene Crop-Dusted Ukraine And Israel Funding Bills Last Night, Ain't She A Hoot!
Marjorie Taylor Greene Crop-Dusted Ukraine And Israel Funding Bills Last Night, Ain't She A Hoot!
How a bill becomes a law.
Yesterday, Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson finally put up some bills to send funding to Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan. Also BORDURRRRRRR! This was widely understood as Johnson’s move to shiv Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has been threatening to end his speakership over Ukraine funding, and who recently has found a Deliverance extra from Kentucky — no not James Comer, we mean Thomas Massie — to cosponsor her Motion to Vacate the speaker’s chair.
Once introduced, the bills were opened for amendments, and oh boy, Greene started doing her bucktoothed armpit farts all over them, bouncing to and fro, an amendment here, an amendment there! She is such a totally real and legitimate member of Congress.
First of all, Greene doesn’t want to send aid to Israel, so she thought it would be funny to do an amendment to that bill asking those Jewish people over there to send her some of their space lasers she could use on BORDURRRRRRR.
That reads, “Provides funding for the development of space laser technology on the southern border.” She just wants the lasers of the Jewish people!
It’s possible this wasn’t a joke, of course. She might be dead serious, maybe because she’s a delusional, antisemitic scumbag.
She wrote on Twitter, “I've previously voted to fund space lasers for Israel's defense. America needs to take our national security seriously and deserves the same type of defense for our border that Israel has and proudly uses."
She also submitted an amendment asking for an Iron Dome to be built on our BORDURRRRRR, just like Israel has. You know how Mexico is always launching rockets at us.
Also one to build wall. Obviously.
On the Ukraine bill, she REALLY took her amendment Viagra.
Here are some of them (there are 24 total):
Requires all Members of Congress who vote in favor of this Act to conscript in the Ukrainian Military.
Haw haw haw! Haw haw! Told you about the armpit fartin’. She’s laughin’ at her own jokes, y’all.
Prohibits funding until Ukraine stops persecuting Christians.
Prohibits funding until Ukraine closes all bio-laboratories.
She seen that ‘un on Tucker too!
Prohibits funding until Ukraine holds free and fair elections.
You know, like they do ‘em in Russia.
Some of her amendments were LOL JK amendments, where the funding would go somewhere else instead:
Redirects funding to victims of the Lahaina, Hawaii, fires.
Redirects funds to victims of the East Palestine train derailment.
Redirects funds to the Attorney General to initiate mass deportations of illegals.
Some of them were so clever, she probably even surprised herself and made her face like this!
Reduces every dollar amount in the bill to zero.
Strikes the entire bill and replaces it with H.R. 2.
Redirects funding in the bill to build The Wall.
Redirects funding to families of individuals who die from fentanyl.
Isn’t she special? She is definitely qualified for the job the slackjawed MAGA yokels who voted her into office picked her for.
Prohibits funding until Ukraine bans abortion.
Hahahahahaha, eat a basket of fucks in hell.
Prohibits funding until Ukraine turns over all information related to Hunter Biden and Burisma.
Also find Hunter Biden’s penis once and for all!
Some of her amendments seemed like they were personally directed by a Kremlin puppetmaster or some other handler assigned to easy marks and American traitors:
Prohibits funding for NATO troops in Ukraine.
Directs the president to withdraw the U.S. from NATO.
Prohibits funding until former actor Volodymyr Zelensky resigns as President of Ukraine.
It’s a wonder she was able to read Putin’s handwriting when she laundered those for him.
In response, Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz submitted two amendments: First, “that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (GA-14) should be appointed as Vladimir Putin's Special Envoy to the United States Congress.” The second, that 403 Cannon House Office Building — Greene’s office — be renamed the “Neville Chamberlain room.”
Surprisingly, Greene didn’t horse around in the Taiwan funding bill. To be fair, though, she may still be trying to find it on a map.
Regardless, this weekend’s votes will be lots of fun, as Marjorie Taylor Greene holds the entire House hostage and makes them vote on every single thing that made her EEEEE-HAWWWW snort-laugh while she was on the toilet last night.
And this, children, is how a bill becomes a law.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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They should assign MTG to some unused area of Congress and give her a box of crayons and some paper and tell her to work really hard on all the bills that need passing to save America. Give her a mini fridge with her Slim Jims and juice boxes and tell her to keep working until America comes to get her.
It’s like a wingnut Christmas list. Except Christmas was banned. I meant holiday list.